SO missing my son (at school)

[Moonchild77]

My oldest son is 4.5 and we were on holiday in Spain, the last three weeks.
Today is his first day again after the break at school.

In Spain, he played a lot with his dad, he and his brother really adore him.
Him and me, his dad I mean, are not always so happy together,
I have issues (gener. anxiety disorder, troubled youth, no parents in my life, depression, etc ) and I am angry a lot of the time.
At the moment no therapie, I do take meds.
Anyway, since the birth of son nr 2, who is now 20 months old, have I been angry and shortfused a lot, with my son(s)
and I am so sorry and ashamed.
I do BF (tandem nurse still) and I sleep with my sons together, I also have been carrying my sons in my wraps, my oldest son and I were so close and I miss those times, the younger one needs me a lot, he nurses like 24-7?!
I feel like my eldest son is slipping out of my arms, he loves his dad so much, he said he likes him better than me.
I am the one shouting and even scolding him , so I understand him, I do not want to be the stupid mum I am right now.
I am so sad, crying the whole time, missing my son, he wants to stay for lunch at school, usually kids in the Netherlands eat at home, lunchtime, but his school is a school with a lot of working moms and dads, so no-one in his class goes to home to eat, so he does not want to either.
He is also not into changes, he was very emotional the first and the last day of the holiday too, due to the changes (he has SPD-Verbal dyspraxia, only just diagnosed.)

I do not know, why I am posting this.
I am reading Raising our children, raising ourselves and BUddhism for mothers.
I miss him so. Still 3 hours to go untill I see him.
He is growing up so fast.

I am very upset.

[TulsiLeaf]

Originally Posted by Moonchild77

My oldest son is 4.5 and we were on holiday in Spain, the last three weeks.
Today is his first day again after the break at school.

In Spain, he played a lot with his dad, he and his brother really adore him.
Him and me, his dad I mean, are not always so happy together,
I have issues (gener. anxiety disorder, troubled youth, no parents in my life, depression, etc ) and I am angry a lot of the time.
At the moment no therapie, I do take meds.
Anyway, since the birth of son nr 2, who is now 20 months old, have I been angry and shortfused a lot, with my son(s)
and I am so sorry and ashamed.
I do BF (tandem nurse still) and I sleep with my sons together, I also have been carrying my sons in my wraps, my oldest son and I were so close and I miss those times, the younger one needs me a lot, he nurses like 24-7?!
I feel like my eldest son is slipping out of my arms, he loves his dad so much, he said he likes him better than me.
I am the one shouting and even scolding him , so I understand him, I do not want to be the stupid mum I am right now.
I am so sad, crying the whole time, missing my son, he wants to stay for lunch at school, usually kids in the Netherlands eat at home, lunchtime, but his school is a school with a lot of working moms and dads, so no-one in his class goes to home to eat, so he does not want to either.
He is also not into changes, he was very emotional the first and the last day of the holiday too, due to the changes (he has SPD-Verbal dyspraxia, only just diagnosed.)

I do not know, why I am posting this.
I am reading Raising our children, raising ourselves and BUddhism for mothers.
I miss him so. Still 3 hours to go untill I see him.
He is growing up so fast.

I am very upset.

Mama, I am very sorry you are feeling this way. I understand a lot of your feelings and sometimes I feel like I am there myself.


First and foremost, you need to sort the issues out in your head first. A depressed, anxiety riddled mother does not make a good household. It just doesn't. Also, your children will feed into that feeling and it creates just havoc in a house where you already have sensitive little ones. But above everything else, you need to feel good. Before you go the med route have you thought about seeing a talk therapist? I saw one for a year and it did me wonders. I am looking to go back because I just liked it.

Also, the whole thing about your son preferring to be with his father. That is normal. My daughter adores her Papi and most times would prefer to go out with him than stay with me. I think it is that for so long she was so dependent on me that she is exploring life without mummy and finding that papi is fun to be around with.

I wish I had a magic piece of advice. But it's a lot of hard work and sorting things out.

Good luck

[Tjej]

It sounds like you know that you are depressed and it is affecting your most important relationships. Do what you can to work on the depression, and you will have progress in your relationships.

As far as a a 5yo preferring daddy... that is pretty normal no matter the situation.

Tjej