Hi...
Well, I guess I'm new here. I was with DP for 4 years, 2 engaged. We have a 2.5 yo DD. He's the only person I've ever been with or loved. Being in a relationship for the past year (especially the past 6 months) or so has been rough. We want different things, and we have grown apart. I admire him, I think he is a great person and an amazing father, but there are certain things (emotional support, affection, feeling loved, communication, etc) that I don't feel I get from him, and he isn't willing/isn't able to give me. We are both tired of trying, I was willing to try one more time with our whole hearts, but he doesn't think he can give me that. So we made the decision yesterday afternoon to split and here I am. A brand new single mom. I'm sad. It's bittersweet. It was a long time coming, and I feel like we can both (eventually) have more happiness this way. Already, a lot of the tension has dissolved and we are getting along better than we have in months. I was a bit emotional, and I shed a few tears. We still love each other, and care very, very deeply about each other, and I think that makes this harder.... much more complicated. It sounds crazy, but I think it would be easier if he had a substance abuse problem or something. There's nothing wrong with him aside from the fact that we aren't 'right' for each other anymore, so there is so much doubt on my behalf if this is the right thing. He was very affectionate yesterday because I was emotional, he gave me lots of hugs and cuddled with me last night in bed, which was nice, but I feel very complicated. I've never been through a breakup before, but I feel like that shouldn't be a part of it. I'm grateful that it was so mutual, and civil. I feel like we can have a great friendship in the future and both be there totally for DD but I don't want any lose ends. He wants to be out by this weekend, although I told him he could stay as long as he needed to. We talked about maybe trying dating in the future, but I don't know how that would work. I feel like it would just complicate things more. He kind of 'tricked' me into sex last night, which was strange as we hadn't had sex in over a month. I was sleeping and he initiated it so when I awoke I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I came out of the fog a bit to say that we shouldn't and it wasn't right, but he said it was fine. I let it happen. I feel a little used, he knows how emotionally raw I was but he still chose to have his needs met. I think it was a bit inconsiderate, but I'm not mad. I know I could've said no (with some protest on his behalf) but he would've listened. I guess the inconsideration kind of illustrates most of our whole relationship.
I'm rambling, because I'm new to this. I'm scared. I'm hurt, although I know it's for the best. Growth brings change, and change brings growth. I know I can be alone, I know I'm a good mother to DD and one way or another, I'll make it. I'm worried about finances. He refuses to pay child support because he wants her 50/50 and claims you don't have to pay if it's joint. I don't plan to push it. Making him mad will just make him spiteful towards me which I fear will manifest through his parenting with DD (food choices, discipline choices, sleeping arrangements, etc. ) He did let me know that while we transition DD to 50/50, and I still have her most of the time, he's willing to help out if I need it, which was nice. We want to be on the same page, and remain friends. We want to do what's in her best interest and do it together. It breaks my heart to think about being away from her. She has spent every day in my arms and every night in my bed. I don't know how I'll do it. I do think she'll be okay. It might be a little hard at first, but we plan to go slow. I think I'll get over it eventually. It will all work out. I know he's a good father, and while I may not always agree with all of his choices, I have to remember that.
I know I'll miss him. We've had so many good times together, and we've shared so much together. I know I wanted this, but it's so hard. I didn't know it would hurt so much, but again, I still think it's for the best. I've never had to be or live alone before. We started dating when I was a teenager. I moved straight from my mother's home into his home, our home. DD came shortly thereafter. We've always been a family, and I know we always will be one. I want to still do some things together as a family, and we've already talked about talking nicely about each other in front of her and to others. We have no hard feelings, which is really nice. Who knows, maybe we'll find that we're better off with each other than without, and we'll try again. I think that if we're meant to be together, it'll happen, but I do think that before that can happen, if it ever does, we need to both grow in a lot of ways.
It's hard too, because we both come from broken parental relationships. His parents didn't belong together, and neither did mine. My mother had 3 marriages and 3 divorces - all for good reasons. She never should've married any of them and lost a good 30 years in the process. I never wanted to give DD the picture of difficult and/or broken relationships as her norm. But I do feel that living apart happily and still being friends is much more healthy for her, us, and her future relationships than living together with tension, fighting and stress. I think it sends her the message that love is about more than that, and I hope it doesn't damage her in any way.
I don't know why I'm detailing all of this. I guess I just need to talk, and I'm afraid to talk to anyone IRL because I don't know if I can keep it together. I guess I just need some support from some strong single mamas who can show me that it's okay and that it works and that it's for the best. Anyone have any advice?
Well, I guess I'm new here. I was with DP for 4 years, 2 engaged. We have a 2.5 yo DD. He's the only person I've ever been with or loved. Being in a relationship for the past year (especially the past 6 months) or so has been rough. We want different things, and we have grown apart. I admire him, I think he is a great person and an amazing father, but there are certain things (emotional support, affection, feeling loved, communication, etc) that I don't feel I get from him, and he isn't willing/isn't able to give me. We are both tired of trying, I was willing to try one more time with our whole hearts, but he doesn't think he can give me that. So we made the decision yesterday afternoon to split and here I am. A brand new single mom. I'm sad. It's bittersweet. It was a long time coming, and I feel like we can both (eventually) have more happiness this way. Already, a lot of the tension has dissolved and we are getting along better than we have in months. I was a bit emotional, and I shed a few tears. We still love each other, and care very, very deeply about each other, and I think that makes this harder.... much more complicated. It sounds crazy, but I think it would be easier if he had a substance abuse problem or something. There's nothing wrong with him aside from the fact that we aren't 'right' for each other anymore, so there is so much doubt on my behalf if this is the right thing. He was very affectionate yesterday because I was emotional, he gave me lots of hugs and cuddled with me last night in bed, which was nice, but I feel very complicated. I've never been through a breakup before, but I feel like that shouldn't be a part of it. I'm grateful that it was so mutual, and civil. I feel like we can have a great friendship in the future and both be there totally for DD but I don't want any lose ends. He wants to be out by this weekend, although I told him he could stay as long as he needed to. We talked about maybe trying dating in the future, but I don't know how that would work. I feel like it would just complicate things more. He kind of 'tricked' me into sex last night, which was strange as we hadn't had sex in over a month. I was sleeping and he initiated it so when I awoke I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I came out of the fog a bit to say that we shouldn't and it wasn't right, but he said it was fine. I let it happen. I feel a little used, he knows how emotionally raw I was but he still chose to have his needs met. I think it was a bit inconsiderate, but I'm not mad. I know I could've said no (with some protest on his behalf) but he would've listened. I guess the inconsideration kind of illustrates most of our whole relationship.
I'm rambling, because I'm new to this. I'm scared. I'm hurt, although I know it's for the best. Growth brings change, and change brings growth. I know I can be alone, I know I'm a good mother to DD and one way or another, I'll make it. I'm worried about finances. He refuses to pay child support because he wants her 50/50 and claims you don't have to pay if it's joint. I don't plan to push it. Making him mad will just make him spiteful towards me which I fear will manifest through his parenting with DD (food choices, discipline choices, sleeping arrangements, etc. ) He did let me know that while we transition DD to 50/50, and I still have her most of the time, he's willing to help out if I need it, which was nice. We want to be on the same page, and remain friends. We want to do what's in her best interest and do it together. It breaks my heart to think about being away from her. She has spent every day in my arms and every night in my bed. I don't know how I'll do it. I do think she'll be okay. It might be a little hard at first, but we plan to go slow. I think I'll get over it eventually. It will all work out. I know he's a good father, and while I may not always agree with all of his choices, I have to remember that.
I know I'll miss him. We've had so many good times together, and we've shared so much together. I know I wanted this, but it's so hard. I didn't know it would hurt so much, but again, I still think it's for the best. I've never had to be or live alone before. We started dating when I was a teenager. I moved straight from my mother's home into his home, our home. DD came shortly thereafter. We've always been a family, and I know we always will be one. I want to still do some things together as a family, and we've already talked about talking nicely about each other in front of her and to others. We have no hard feelings, which is really nice. Who knows, maybe we'll find that we're better off with each other than without, and we'll try again. I think that if we're meant to be together, it'll happen, but I do think that before that can happen, if it ever does, we need to both grow in a lot of ways.
It's hard too, because we both come from broken parental relationships. His parents didn't belong together, and neither did mine. My mother had 3 marriages and 3 divorces - all for good reasons. She never should've married any of them and lost a good 30 years in the process. I never wanted to give DD the picture of difficult and/or broken relationships as her norm. But I do feel that living apart happily and still being friends is much more healthy for her, us, and her future relationships than living together with tension, fighting and stress. I think it sends her the message that love is about more than that, and I hope it doesn't damage her in any way.
I don't know why I'm detailing all of this. I guess I just need to talk, and I'm afraid to talk to anyone IRL because I don't know if I can keep it together. I guess I just need some support from some strong single mamas who can show me that it's okay and that it works and that it's for the best. Anyone have any advice?
welcome and i am glad that you have found us. i am sorry that this has happened, but you will make it through this and we can help you. it feels good to lay it all out sometimes, so i understand. you'll find that we are a supportive bunch and i how you enjoy the forum. 
