My pregnancy was completely textbook until 38 weeks, when my blood pressure was a little bit high. My midwife and I decided that it was odd enough that I would take it easy for a week and see what it did then. Unfortunately, at my 39 week appointment it was even higher and I was placed on bed rest and sent to the lab to do blood work and a urine test to see if I was beginning to have pre-ecclampsia. It sure seemed like the pressure was on if I was to get to have the homebirth we’d been planning!
When I hit 40w1 day, I had an appointment with my mw. My BP wasn’t good, but hadn’t gotten any worse either so the homebirth was still a go at that point. I decided to let my mw check me to see if we needed to start doing any ‘natural’ induction methods to get the baby to come sooner or if my body was making progress on its own. Thankfully, I was 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and the baby’s head was already at +1 station. WooHoo! My midwife made the prediction that I’d be calling her later that night telling her it was time, but I certainly wasn’t convinced. I went back home to bed rest that day, trying to not feel too optimistic. That afternoon contractions started. They were harder than the prodromal labor I’d been having so I was casually timing them. They were consistently between 5 and 10 minutes apart – not close enough together to mean that labor was imminent by any means. Unfortunately, they were too intense for me to sleep through. DH and I had dinner around 7 pm and then headed upstairs in hopes that a bath and bed would help them calm down if it wasn’t the real deal. No dice.
We labored with them through the night, trying to doze off in between (not too easy for only about 5 minutes at a time). By 2 am though, the contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and were too intense to talk or walk through. We called our doula at 3 am and she showed up at 4 am. After she watched me work through a few contractions she decided that we should probably go ahead and call the midwife to come over. She got to our house at around 5 am. During these contractions I was using the shower, the birth ball, and a rice sock to help cope. I was also much more vocal than I thought I would be. At this point it was more low tones and a lot of deep breaths.
After my midwife got to the house and did my vitals and checked on the baby’s heart tones (My BP was even a little lower than it had been at our appointment that morning, praise the Lord!) we decided to go ahead and set the room up and fill the birthing pool. While DH and the doula worked on that, I labored in the shower. By the time the pool was warmed up I was more than ready to hop in! My midwife wanted to do a vaginal check first though to make sure that I was making progress. I was dilated to a 6 and still about 80% effaced, so in the tub I went.
For the next four hours it was more of the same. I labored in the tub, shower, on the birth ball, the toilet, and did a lot of walking. The contractions were double peaking at times and I was starting to feel like I couldn’t continue. We decided to recheck me at around 10 am, and we were all fairly certain that I would be near complete based on the contractions and my actions. At this check I was 7 cm dilated. That’s right, 7. Four brutal hours later and I had only progressed one centimeter, when I was really planning on being ready to push.
I lost it. I started crying hysterically wondering HOW on earth I could continue. In my mind, I was so sure that I was farther along and that it was almost over that along with the exhaustion I just couldn’t emotionally/mentally handle it. My midwife told me I had options – to continue as we had been, to rest for awhile (both of which would probably mean quite a while longer), to do position changes that would encourage stronger contractions faster together, or to go to the hospital. None of those were the option I wanted – to be done! DH and I knew that we weren’t going to go to the hospital (there was no need and they couldn’t make it over any faster) but I wasn’t sure I was up to doing frequent position changes to make things even more intense. My midwife and doula left us alone for awhile to recharge. We got in the shower and after I cried for a bit longer and had a few contractions, we spent some time praying. We then decided that we would rest for a bit and then get down to business to get this baby out.
After about thirty minutes of laying on the bed and just taking the contractions as they came and sleeping in between, I was recharged enough to get down to work. First I got in the shower and did squats and lunges during contractions, then did squats and hands in knees in the birth pool. Both of these things made the contractions much more intense, but I was determined to do whatever I could to be done faster. After about two hours of this , I decided to go downstairs to do stairs and walk. I took some laps around our main floor, leaning on the counter during contractions. After not long walking, I got on the toilet to labor and while I was there I started feeling ‘pushy’. I practiced pushing on the toilet a few times, and then we all headed back upstairs to check and see if I was complete. The check showed that I was at a stretchy 9 cm, but as she was finishing checking my water broke. The water breaking was enough to put me to completely dilated and it was time to get to work.
I decided to start pushing in the birth pool. Since my water was broken now, the contractions were even more intense. I felt completely out of control, and during each contraction I was making noises that I didn’t know I was capable of. I was trying to push while floating on my back and supporting my feet against the tub, but it wasn’t very effective. At my midwife’s recommendation, I tried to push for a few contractions on my hands and knees. It was too much. The contractions in that position hurt so much that I just couldn’t pull myself together to get a good push in and I was too exhausted to hold myself up in between the contractions. At this point, I was just begging to be done. I would have done just about anything to just stop.
Because I was so exhausted, my midwife had me get out of the tub and onto the bed for some ‘guided’ pushing, where she put her fingers against the baby’s head in my vagina so I could feel exactly where to focus my pushing power. This was so helpful! Not only could I actually make each push really effective, I was able to lay down and rest between which was a life saver. After only about 4 contractions (3 pushes each) the baby started to crown. It burned of course, but I was just so glad to be close to done I didn’t even think about backing away from it. Before I knew it, the midwife was telling my husband to come down and see our baby be born. They told me when her eyebrows came out, then her eyes, nose and finally when her head was out she was already crying. A few pushes later, and our baby girl was born into my husband’s hands.
She was immediately placed on my chest. My husband then had the honor of checking to see if she was a boy or a girl. I had been completely and totally convinced that we were having a boy, so when he said “It’s a girl!” all I could say was “No it’s not. You’re kidding. It’s a girl?!?” over and over. I was still kind of in a daze while they placed the warm towels over us and I was holding my brand new daughter. The midwife waited for the cord to quit pulsing and then it was cut. A few minutes later, it was time to push out the placenta. I was afraid that it was going to hurt again, but thankfully it didn’t at all and I actually felt relieved when it was out. I had one 2nd degree tear, but I decided against stitches. Before I knew it, it was time for me to get up and use the bathroom and do the baby’s newborn exam. She was 20.5 inches long and 7 pounds and 4.8 ounces at birth. Perfect!
I have never been so relieved to be done with something in my entire life. To say that it was harder than I expected would be quite the understatement. I would have never guessed that I would be so vocal or that I would feel so totally helpless and desperate – it was a place I have truly never been before. It was by FAR the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding. I look at our little girl and know that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat for her. I am amazed that my body grew and birthed such a perfect little human – what a miracle!
I also want to note that I’m tempted to feel disappointed in myself for not having a silent peaceful natural birth like those in the many many birthing videos I watched before it was my time. However, as my husband keeps reminding me – I gave birth. It doesn’t matter that I made noise and thought it was hard and wanted to stop. I did it.
When I hit 40w1 day, I had an appointment with my mw. My BP wasn’t good, but hadn’t gotten any worse either so the homebirth was still a go at that point. I decided to let my mw check me to see if we needed to start doing any ‘natural’ induction methods to get the baby to come sooner or if my body was making progress on its own. Thankfully, I was 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and the baby’s head was already at +1 station. WooHoo! My midwife made the prediction that I’d be calling her later that night telling her it was time, but I certainly wasn’t convinced. I went back home to bed rest that day, trying to not feel too optimistic. That afternoon contractions started. They were harder than the prodromal labor I’d been having so I was casually timing them. They were consistently between 5 and 10 minutes apart – not close enough together to mean that labor was imminent by any means. Unfortunately, they were too intense for me to sleep through. DH and I had dinner around 7 pm and then headed upstairs in hopes that a bath and bed would help them calm down if it wasn’t the real deal. No dice.
We labored with them through the night, trying to doze off in between (not too easy for only about 5 minutes at a time). By 2 am though, the contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and were too intense to talk or walk through. We called our doula at 3 am and she showed up at 4 am. After she watched me work through a few contractions she decided that we should probably go ahead and call the midwife to come over. She got to our house at around 5 am. During these contractions I was using the shower, the birth ball, and a rice sock to help cope. I was also much more vocal than I thought I would be. At this point it was more low tones and a lot of deep breaths.
After my midwife got to the house and did my vitals and checked on the baby’s heart tones (My BP was even a little lower than it had been at our appointment that morning, praise the Lord!) we decided to go ahead and set the room up and fill the birthing pool. While DH and the doula worked on that, I labored in the shower. By the time the pool was warmed up I was more than ready to hop in! My midwife wanted to do a vaginal check first though to make sure that I was making progress. I was dilated to a 6 and still about 80% effaced, so in the tub I went.
For the next four hours it was more of the same. I labored in the tub, shower, on the birth ball, the toilet, and did a lot of walking. The contractions were double peaking at times and I was starting to feel like I couldn’t continue. We decided to recheck me at around 10 am, and we were all fairly certain that I would be near complete based on the contractions and my actions. At this check I was 7 cm dilated. That’s right, 7. Four brutal hours later and I had only progressed one centimeter, when I was really planning on being ready to push.
I lost it. I started crying hysterically wondering HOW on earth I could continue. In my mind, I was so sure that I was farther along and that it was almost over that along with the exhaustion I just couldn’t emotionally/mentally handle it. My midwife told me I had options – to continue as we had been, to rest for awhile (both of which would probably mean quite a while longer), to do position changes that would encourage stronger contractions faster together, or to go to the hospital. None of those were the option I wanted – to be done! DH and I knew that we weren’t going to go to the hospital (there was no need and they couldn’t make it over any faster) but I wasn’t sure I was up to doing frequent position changes to make things even more intense. My midwife and doula left us alone for awhile to recharge. We got in the shower and after I cried for a bit longer and had a few contractions, we spent some time praying. We then decided that we would rest for a bit and then get down to business to get this baby out.
After about thirty minutes of laying on the bed and just taking the contractions as they came and sleeping in between, I was recharged enough to get down to work. First I got in the shower and did squats and lunges during contractions, then did squats and hands in knees in the birth pool. Both of these things made the contractions much more intense, but I was determined to do whatever I could to be done faster. After about two hours of this , I decided to go downstairs to do stairs and walk. I took some laps around our main floor, leaning on the counter during contractions. After not long walking, I got on the toilet to labor and while I was there I started feeling ‘pushy’. I practiced pushing on the toilet a few times, and then we all headed back upstairs to check and see if I was complete. The check showed that I was at a stretchy 9 cm, but as she was finishing checking my water broke. The water breaking was enough to put me to completely dilated and it was time to get to work.
I decided to start pushing in the birth pool. Since my water was broken now, the contractions were even more intense. I felt completely out of control, and during each contraction I was making noises that I didn’t know I was capable of. I was trying to push while floating on my back and supporting my feet against the tub, but it wasn’t very effective. At my midwife’s recommendation, I tried to push for a few contractions on my hands and knees. It was too much. The contractions in that position hurt so much that I just couldn’t pull myself together to get a good push in and I was too exhausted to hold myself up in between the contractions. At this point, I was just begging to be done. I would have done just about anything to just stop.
Because I was so exhausted, my midwife had me get out of the tub and onto the bed for some ‘guided’ pushing, where she put her fingers against the baby’s head in my vagina so I could feel exactly where to focus my pushing power. This was so helpful! Not only could I actually make each push really effective, I was able to lay down and rest between which was a life saver. After only about 4 contractions (3 pushes each) the baby started to crown. It burned of course, but I was just so glad to be close to done I didn’t even think about backing away from it. Before I knew it, the midwife was telling my husband to come down and see our baby be born. They told me when her eyebrows came out, then her eyes, nose and finally when her head was out she was already crying. A few pushes later, and our baby girl was born into my husband’s hands.
She was immediately placed on my chest. My husband then had the honor of checking to see if she was a boy or a girl. I had been completely and totally convinced that we were having a boy, so when he said “It’s a girl!” all I could say was “No it’s not. You’re kidding. It’s a girl?!?” over and over. I was still kind of in a daze while they placed the warm towels over us and I was holding my brand new daughter. The midwife waited for the cord to quit pulsing and then it was cut. A few minutes later, it was time to push out the placenta. I was afraid that it was going to hurt again, but thankfully it didn’t at all and I actually felt relieved when it was out. I had one 2nd degree tear, but I decided against stitches. Before I knew it, it was time for me to get up and use the bathroom and do the baby’s newborn exam. She was 20.5 inches long and 7 pounds and 4.8 ounces at birth. Perfect!
I have never been so relieved to be done with something in my entire life. To say that it was harder than I expected would be quite the understatement. I would have never guessed that I would be so vocal or that I would feel so totally helpless and desperate – it was a place I have truly never been before. It was by FAR the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding. I look at our little girl and know that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat for her. I am amazed that my body grew and birthed such a perfect little human – what a miracle!
I also want to note that I’m tempted to feel disappointed in myself for not having a silent peaceful natural birth like those in the many many birthing videos I watched before it was my time. However, as my husband keeps reminding me – I gave birth. It doesn’t matter that I made noise and thought it was hard and wanted to stop. I did it.
due december 2010
