How do I adress this? - Page 2

[leighi123]

Ok so apparantly is was Mrs. T's daugter (4) who got the time out, not my ds... she pushed her brother (2) hard enough for him to get a bruise.

All the kids were arguing over something (a not wanting to share issue), and ds thought that he was in trouble b/c he knew he was 'being mean' (not sharing) and the little one was crying all at the same time.

Because ds didnt know what a time out was, he just thought he had one.

So Mr. T told his dd "time out" and took her to another area to handle that, Mrs. T was dealing with the little one crying, and ds was left alone in the room while all that happend. Then Mrs. T went back after the little one calmed down and told them both to go play.

(btw to clairfy the area where the kids are is a giant room shaped like a dounut with the kitchen in the middle, so even though he was 'alone' he was still where both adults could see him looking over the kitchen counters, he just couldnt see them)


Sooooo ds didnt do anything other than not share, which he is mostly good about but has his moments. He never actually was put in a time out chair or anything, so thats good!

Mrs. T says ds is the best behaved of all of the kids (which based on his personallity, I believe), and she has never had to dicipline him, just give little reminders

[hildare]

ahhh nevermind, you posted an update!

[rubidoux]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

My advice would be to soften your belief a bit because your son really enjoys being there and it lets you do something you enjoy.

I think it could be difficult for a child to be involved in much of anything away from his parents if the teachers aren't allowed to tell him he needs to sit out for a minute. Just because he doesn't get that the two are connect right now doesn't mean that he is unable to learn that they are connected.

I completely agree with your perspective on time-out's, OP, I never use them with my son and I never "punish" him in other ways either. But I also agree with Linda here. My son is at a Montessori school where they use time-outs (though they are very mild, butt hardly hits the bench time-outs) and I'm okay with that. I hear a lot of (more mainstream) parents say that children need to learn that there are consequences, yada, yada, yada, and to the extent that's true, I don't believe it means that *I* have to punish my child. I am free to have the kind of relationship with my child that I want that is based on respect and love and kindness rather than on meanness and vengeance. But to some extent, that is how the real world operates, and he has gotten a dose of that at school.

He actually hasn't been put on a time-out in the two years he's been there, but in a way I wish he would be. lol He is very serious about following all of the rules perfectly and when I ask him why, he says bc of the time-outs. I would like for him to be the kind of adult who questions authority but doesn't get thrown into jail. lol But he's six now, I assume he will eventually start to think about whether not being allowed to play fighting games is a good rule or not (this I think is the one he'd most like to break so he can play with his friends even when they're misbehaving) and then whether it might be worth having a little time-out to get to play.

At any rate I think the whole time-out thing can be a bit of a learning experience. Otoh, if they used punishments that were in any way harsh, I might not think it was worth the learning experience.

[Kristine233]

What a great update, glad to hear it was just a miscommunication! Its rare to find a provider who will respect your parenting styles even if its not entirely the same as theirs. Sounds like you found a good fit.

[leighi123]

It took a lot of work to find the right place, I must have emailed 20 people and interviewed 5 different set-ups. But this family had everything I wanted: someone who can handle his allergies, handle the kids in a loving, gentle way, educational (yet fun) activities, outdoor time, 'good' toys (not a bunch of plastic disney junk and fake guns), clean house, safe neighborhood, a 'backup' plan in case one of the kids got hurt (her hubby being there or a block away), good references, and she sends him home with a note about everything he has done durring the day.

Best of all he WANTS to go and doesnt want to leave.

I'm so glad the whole thing was a misunderstanding. I've talked to ds about it and told him that M just needed to 'take a break' to remind her about using her words and thats why her daddy told her 'time out'. He will 'take a break' without my prompting if he is mad about something, so he understood that!

Yesterday they played in the wading pool for an hour and made handprint suns and counted octopus legs. He had a great time!