"Are you enjoying it?" - update: post 47 - Page 4

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by mamazee

To be brutally honest, I didn't enjoy it until my older dd was about a year old. In fact, her first year was the worst time of my life. I felt awful about it, and worried about my ability to parent, and if my feelings would harm my dd, and what it meant about me as a person. It was so different than I expected. Like you said, I felt like I was babysitting someone else's child that whole time. Thankfully, something happened hormonally or something after she turned a year old, and I started to feel differently. And over time, things became wonderful and have stayed that way. Luckily, I haven't gone through that with my second, and I think it's largely because I had more realistic expectations, as did my dh, and therefore I was more prepared and he was more supportive this time around. But I will say it took me 7 years before I was ready to have a second one.

All I can do is give hugs and tell you that it will get better. Hold on. You say you don't think it's depression, but I would talk to someone, your doctor or midwife maybe, and just go through it with them. Just to look at that avenue. And really just hold on and accept help when given, nap when the baby naps, and don't worry too much about housework for a while.

This is how it is for me. My daughter just turned one today. I can honestly say that while the past year has been amazing, it's also been on the worst and hardest year of my life. I'm not convinced that I ever want to experience it again. There probably will not be a second child for at least 5 years.

I've learned that I am just not a baby person. I love my daughter but I did not enjoy this past year. I yearn for her to be a bit older.

I also want to add that I am going through depression, and my whole "outlook" has improved with medical help and talk therapy. It's okay if you are depressed, just get the proper help for yourself (and husband).

[rightkindofme]

I have a long history of major depression so I was very worried about PPD. I take a lot of vitamins and fish oil and I ate my placenta (ok, I took capsules of my placenta) because I really really wanted to avoid going there. It worked for me. There were really hard things in the first year, mostly related to how my husband adjusted to not being the center of attention any more, but I am apparently a 'baby' person. It helps that my kid slept in 5-6 hour chunks starting at about three weeks old. We never had a second of breastfeeding issues. She spit up like crazy but it just didn't bother me for some reason. For the first six months of my daughter's life we sat in a chair with the Boppy on my lap and she nursed pretty much constantly (high suck need) and I read books and played with my laptop. I think that I was content because I had no interest in doing anything else. I didn't clean much and I didn't cook much. I just sat there. (This would be a lot of why my husband wasn't happy.) So I guess that means that the secret to my 'happiness' was extremely low expectations.

I'm freakin terrified of kid #2 though because I don't see any way my toddler will permit me to do the same thing and who knows if this kid will be a sleeper.

[neonalee]

I just want to thank you and all the other mamas for posting. I will soon be a first time mom and I have no idea how it will be for me. But to not have this cultural idea of new motherhood being perfect hanging over my head can't help but be good. I also worry about PPD and am glad I know a little more about it now. So, thanks and good luck and

[Tway]

Im chiming in to say a big thank you to all the mamas who posted here, too. I've been reading the thread and feeling a whole lot of relief. The first 3 months after DD was born were total hell the next 3 were a little better, and now that she's 9 months I'm STARTING to feel a little relaxed. I never expected motherhood to be so hard, so demanding, so boring, so isolating, and so negating to my own identity. And I agree with the above poster--society makes you think it's all smiles and coos and lovely long sleeps. AAHHH!

A friend told me with a smile, after my first few weeks of hell, "What, you didn't get one of those Hollywood babies who eats on time, sleeps all night, and never cries?" It was the first time I realized us mothers need to stick together.