A pregnant woman needs to ask how soon is too soon to get pregnant again. Yes, I am crazy.

[paintedfire]

I'm insane, yes, but this let me explain.

I'm twelve weeks pregnant with my first child, due in January. I turn thirty in August. I've got lupus, fibromyalgia, hypertension, hyperthyroidism, endometriosis, migraines, cluster headaches, allergies, asthma, neuropathy, depression, anxiety, OCD, vertigo, acid reflux, and quite a few other things.

I also suffered some pretty severe trauma as a child that left me in a coma for eight days - a cracked skull, broken wrist, fractured shoulder, broken nose, broken jaw, cracked ribs, punctured kidney and lung, etc..

For a long time I didn't want kids, but I changed my mind when I was a nanny in grad school. I love kids. I'd honestly like a dozen, crazy as I know that sounds.

I'll be exclusively breastfeeding, so I know it'll just be luck of the draw there on when my fertility returns. It took a year to conceive this one after having a laparoscopy to remove quite a few adhesions from my abdomen due to the endometriosis. My GYN was shocked that they were that bad and he's a specialist - even through the haze of all the drugs they pumped me full of I can remember his astonishment when he said that it was probably the worst case he'd ever seen so I know how lucky I am to even be having this baby.

DF and I have talked about adoption and how it's something I very much want to do, but I would also like to have more biological children if we can.

Needless to say, all of my . . . issues put a damper on exactly how much time I've got to get this going.

So, how soon is too soon to start trying after this one? I realize I may feel differently after the birth, but right now I'm working under the assumption that while it will probably be unpleasant Mother Nature will work it's magic and make the memories fade after not too long.

Feel free to laugh at me and call me crazy. I know that's probably what I'd do. Any ideas or maybe tips that could help me out?

Thanks.

[AllyRae]

I really think it has to do with how your birth goes... There are people who have two children within a 12-13 month time period (YIKES! I couldn't do that! : ), but if you end up having a c-section, you probably have to wait at least a year. I was told to wait 2 years after my c-section...

[kcroto42]

I've always been told that it's important to wait at least 18 months between pregnancies to allow your body to build up its nutrient stores again. The baby leaches a lot of iron/calclium/omega fats out of your body, and if you don't rebuild them, it will create a host of problems.

And if you do have a c-section, you are less likely to have issues in a second pregnancy if you've had two full years to heal.

[Chloe'sMama]

My cycle returned when DD was 16 months and I got pregnant when she was 18 months. My milk dried up instantly... so I am planning on waiting until this one is 2 years to 'try' again. We did not use any protection after DD was born, so we knew what could (would) happen... but it took almost 3 years to have DD, so we were willing to risk it.

I still don't know if we will be super careful after this one comes.

[CherryBomb]

I think most hcp will say to give your body a year to recover, and I tend to agree with that. I think it's important to give your baby some time to be a baby, too. Pregnancy can affect milk supply too, so take that into consideration. I have a friend who bottlefeeds and doesn't use bc and her biggest space between kids (she has 7) is 16 months, I think. A couple are only 10 months apart.

[Drummer's Wife]

My fertility didn't return until about a year post-partum with all four of my babies - and they are all spaced 2 years apart.

I think, if your cycles do come back early, you need to determine how long you want to breastfeed. For many women, pregnancy dries up their milk supply.

I think you'll have a better idea of how soon is too soon after your baby is born. Personally, I'd say plan to wait at least a full year before TTC.

[jodi5]

I think it really does depend on the birth. Personally, I feel that I need 2 years before my body is really ready, cycling again and feeling strong. Mentally, I've never been ready before my kids have reached age three, which explain the four year age gaps between each of my kids. For me the mental issues were about the birth. I was scared to go back there. This time though I had a wonderful birth at home and if we had another, I don't think I would need to wait as long again.

[happysmileylady]

Honestly, with your physical issues, the answer to your question is going to be best answered by a doc. As others have mentioned, for the average person, the ideal is a year or two. But several of your issues, from the thyroid to the migraines to whatever else are likely to be affected by your pregnancy and how they are affected is probably going to determine when it's safe for YOU to get pg again.

In addition, I am sure you have heard it before, but taking care of someone elses kids is a lot different than taking care of your own, especially when physically recovering from your own pg and delivery. That is also going to affect when it's safe to ttc again. You could discover that although your body could handle it safely, it may be that it's not safe when you add the complicating factor of already caring for and nursing a baby.

I think your best bet is to talk to your doc (or docs, with everything you listed, I am thinking you probably have a "team" of at least 2 or 3?) after delivery, when the effects of this pregnancy are better known, and come up with a personalized plan that takes into account both the factors that might indicating slowing down your timeline and those that might indicate speeding it up.

[paintedfire]

Originally Posted by AllyRae

I really think it has to do with how your birth goes... There are people who have two children within a 12-13 month time period (YIKES! I couldn't do that! : ), but if you end up having a c-section, you probably have to wait at least a year. I was told to wait 2 years after my c-section...

Originally Posted by kcroto42

I've always been told that it's important to wait at least 18 months between pregnancies to allow your body to build up its nutrient stores again. The baby leaches a lot of iron/calclium/omega fats out of your body, and if you don't rebuild them, it will create a host of problems.

And if you do have a c-section, you are less likely to have issues in a second pregnancy if you've had two full years to heal.

I'm planning a home birth and am adamantly against having a c-section unless the baby or I are knocking on death's door (I've see the door a few times, so I know what it looks like). But, a vaginal birth is the plan. Luckily, I have a great team of doctors and other health care practictioners who support me in my wishes.

I completely agree with you, AllyRae, on the 12-13 month gap between kids. I don't want them that soon, but I don't want to wait until this one is starting school, either.

Originally Posted by Chloe'sMama

My cycle returned when DD was 16 months and I got pregnant when she was 18 months. My milk dried up instantly... so I am planning on waiting until this one is 2 years to 'try' again. We did not use any protection after DD was born, so we knew what could (would) happen... but it took almost 3 years to have DD, so we were willing to risk it.

Breastfeeding is something that I feel super-committed to so the idea of my milk drying up prematurely is an important thing for me to remember. I knew that, but pregnancy brain is getting the best of me. I'm realizing now that I probably left several important things out of my original post.

Originally Posted by CherryBomb

I think most hcp will say to give your body a year to recover, and I tend to agree with that. I think it's important to give your baby some time to be a baby, too.

You're absolutely right - I think it's important to give my baby time to be a baby, too.

A year is what I was thinking.

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

My fertility didn't return until about a year post-partum with all four of my babies - and they are all spaced 2 years apart.

I think, if your cycles do come back early, you need to determine how long you want to breastfeed. For many women, pregnancy dries up their milk supply.

I think you'll have a better idea of how soon is too soon after your baby is born. Personally, I'd say plan to wait at least a full year before TTC.

That's pretty much what I was thinking. Thanks.

Originally Posted by jodi5

I think it really does depend on the birth. Personally, I feel that I need 2 years before my body is really ready, cycling again and feeling strong. Mentally, I've never been ready before my kids have reached age three, which explain the four year age gaps between each of my kids. For me the mental issues were about the birth. I was scared to go back there. This time though I had a wonderful birth at home and if we had another, I don't think I would need to wait as long again.

Yeah, my mental issues will be a factor. I haven't gone off many of my meds, so I'm still on my anti-depressant. The Crazy, as I like to call it, runs rampant in my family, and I've had long talks with DF about how important it is after the baby is born that if I start to show any signs of PPD for me to see my psychiatrist ASAP.

Thanks for yet another wonderful point.

Originally Posted by happysmileylady

Honestly, with your physical issues, the answer to your question is going to be best answered by a doc. As others have mentioned, for the average person, the ideal is a year or two. But several of your issues, from the thyroid to the migraines to whatever else are likely to be affected by your pregnancy and how they are affected is probably going to determine when it's safe for YOU to get pg again.

In addition, I am sure you have heard it before, but taking care of someone elses kids is a lot different than taking care of your own, especially when physically recovering from your own pg and delivery. That is also going to affect when it's safe to ttc again. You could discover that although your body could handle it safely, it may be that it's not safe when you add the complicating factor of already caring for and nursing a baby.

I think your best bet is to talk to your doc (or docs, with everything you listed, I am thinking you probably have a "team" of at least 2 or 3?) after delivery, when the effects of this pregnancy are better known, and come up with a personalized plan that takes into account both the factors that might indicating slowing down your timeline and those that might indicate speeding it up.

Thank you so much for all your wonderful points and thoughts. I really appreciate it.

Yeah, my "team" is quite large. Let's see - GP, rheumatologist, midwife, OB/GYN (back-up), psychiatrist, allergist, acupuncturist, herbalist (I've been into Eastern medicine since I was a kid), neurologist, cardiologist, nephrologist, dermatologist, endocrinologist. That's off the top of my head. Oh! And my opthamologist. I'm blind as a bat in addition to all the other stuff.

I mainly just see the first seven or so (I'm a mess, I know ) - the others are just for check ups or any serious issues that arise. Luckily, those are getting fewer and father between as I get older and take care of myself better. DF may have something to do with that, though I'd never actually say that to him except on his birthday or something.

DF will be very hands-on - he knows he has to be, but more importantly he wants to be even though he has a very demanding job, we've got the greatest group of friends imaginable - including several already-parents friends, a very supportive family - even if they live pretty far away, and we're probably going end up hiring a full-time nanny from the very beginning to help me out when I'm working (I'm starting a new job with far more flexible hours than my old one with the DA's office in September) or just not doing well, but not using her (or him! Who knows?) for the "full" full-time, just sort of part-time and as needed.


So, after all this and my own thoughts and discussions with various people, I'm thinking a year is a good time to start thinking about it. I can re-evaluate then if need be, but it seems like that would give me a good amount of time breastfeeding (although I'm completely willing to nurse until the kids are in school, much to my Gram's shock) and enough time to baby my baby.

I'd love to be able to give it longer, but I just don't think time is on my side here. Also, I grew up as an only child and hated it, so giving my child siblings is another reason I'm so invested in this. I'm hoping I can find a happy medium. I guess we'll see.

Thanks again, everyone.

[TulsiLeaf]

My advice is this.

Have this baby, focus on THIS baby. Enjoy THIS baby.

I thought I wanted my children super close together and have it all done by 30. Well my daughter is 5, I just turned 30 and we are just now seriously thinking about our second.

[kittywitty]

I would wait and see what happens. Milk can dry up early and that can be depressing. I got pg about 3 months after I had my first and it was really hard on my body. Really hard. Some people have no problems, but you may want to wait at least a year to see when your cycle returns and how you feel then. Good luck!

[BetsyS]

We knew that we wanted 4 kids, relatively close together. I was 31 when I had my first baby, so I'm no Michelle Duggar, you know?

It took 2+ years to conceive #1, and I conceived with the help of some herbal supplements. I wanted to use those supplements again to help conceive (and it did help with #2 and #3). I waited until my baby was 12 months old to start supplementing, in order to give that baby a full year of milk (the supplement can affect milk supply). I've gotten pregnant twice now at 13 months postpartum.

This spacing works well for me, and I plan to do it one more time when my current baby is 12 months old (ttc for #4).

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by TulsiLeaf

My advice is this.

Have this baby, focus on THIS baby. Enjoy THIS baby.

I thought I wanted my children super close together and have it all done by 30. Well my daughter is 5, I just turned 30 and we are just now seriously thinking about our second.

I thought I wanted 3 kids over about 6 years. But then my first pregnancy was very complicated and I had severe preeclampsia and had to deliver by c-section at 32 weeks. DS spent 6 weeks in the NICU. DH and I couldn't imagine having another at that point.

It took me a couple of years to even start thinking about another, and DH was harder to convince, and I got pregnant when DS was 3.5. I had another complicated pregnancy, and had to be on bedrest in and out of the hospital for 6 weeks before delivering at 34 weeks. I had my tubes tied when DD was born because I am D.O.N.E. We're perfectly happy with the 2 we have and don't want to push our luck. To top it off, DD is a pretty high-needs baby, and I've really been challenged physically and emotionally since she was conceived. If she was my first, I don't think we would have had a second. I love her with every ounce of my being, but I'm glad she's my last!

All this to say...you just never know. It's great to have a loose 5-year plan or whatever, but allow yourself the flexibility to change it as circumstances warrant.

I'm not sure if your docs have informed you of this, but women with chronic hypertension have about a 25% chance of developing superimposed preeclampsia.

[SleeplessMommy]

Originally Posted by TulsiLeaf

Have this baby, focus on THIS baby. Enjoy THIS baby.

exactly. the emotional impact of a new baby is hard to understand until you have btdt. get your support lined up and focus on this baby, not the next. close spacing is very hard on the mother.

[paintedfire]

Originally Posted by TulsiLeaf

My advice is this.

Have this baby, focus on THIS baby. Enjoy THIS baby.

I thought I wanted my children super close together and have it all done by 30. Well my daughter is 5, I just turned 30 and we are just now seriously thinking about our second.

You're right, of course. I'm not talking immediately, though - a year at the closest. And that's when we'll probably start talking/thinking about it, not even trying just yet. My first will be my only first, I know, but kids - in the plural - are a real priority for me. Being an only child sucked. I don't want that for my kid.

Originally Posted by kittywitty

I would wait and see what happens. Milk can dry up early and that can be depressing. I got pg about 3 months after I had my first and it was really hard on my body. Really hard. Some people have no problems, but you may want to wait at least a year to see when your cycle returns and how you feel then. Good luck!

Thanks. I'm sorry to hear that your second pregnancy was so difficult. A year is definitely the earliest I want to even think about it.

Originally Posted by BetsyS

We knew that we wanted 4 kids, relatively close together. I was 31 when I had my first baby, so I'm no Michelle Duggar, you know?

It took 2+ years to conceive #1, and I conceived with the help of some herbal supplements. I wanted to use those supplements again to help conceive (and it did help with #2 and #3). I waited until my baby was 12 months old to start supplementing, in order to give that baby a full year of milk (the supplement can affect milk supply). I've gotten pregnant twice now at 13 months postpartum.

This spacing works well for me, and I plan to do it one more time when my current baby is 12 months old (ttc for #4).

That sounds exactly what I'm hoping for myself, minus the supplementing - I'm holding out hope that my milk supply will last through pregnancy. Good luck with number four!

Originally Posted by Bokonon

I thought I wanted 3 kids over about 6 years. But then my first pregnancy was very complicated and I had severe preeclampsia and had to deliver by c-section at 32 weeks. DS spent 6 weeks in the NICU. DH and I couldn't imagine having another at that point.

It took me a couple of years to even start thinking about another, and DH was harder to convince, and I got pregnant when DS was 3.5. I had another complicated pregnancy, and had to be on bedrest in and out of the hospital for 6 weeks before delivering at 34 weeks. I had my tubes tied when DD was born because I am D.O.N.E. We're perfectly happy with the 2 we have and don't want to push our luck. To top it off, DD is a pretty high-needs baby, and I've really been challenged physically and emotionally since she was conceived. If she was my first, I don't think we would have had a second. I love her with every ounce of my being, but I'm glad she's my last!

All this to say...you just never know. It's great to have a loose 5-year plan or whatever, but allow yourself the flexibility to change it as circumstances warrant.

I'm not sure if your docs have informed you of this, but women with chronic hypertension have about a 25% chance of developing superimposed preeclampsia.

I do know about my risk of preeclampsia, but so far my hypertension is well-controlled with my medication, so I'm hopeful that things will stay in check.

Of course, you can never know how things will turn out so you have to be prepared for change. This is more of a general, maybe or wouldn't-it-be-neat wondering sort of thing.

Thanks for your story. I appreciate the views from the other side of pregnancy and motherhood.

Originally Posted by SleeplessMommy

the emotional impact of a new baby is hard to understand until you have btdt. get your support lined up and focus on this baby, not the next. close spacing is very hard on the mother.

I get where you're coming from and agree, but like I said in my orginal post I've got certain things I have to consider - my illnesses and my age being first and foremost. If I were even a perfectly healthy 25-year-old I wouldn't have posed this question. The simple fact of the matter is that I'm an ill very nearly thirty-year-old who will probably be AT LEAST thirty-two by the time I'm even fertile again. Time's a wastin', ya know?

[Punchy Kaby]

Yeah, my "team" is quite large. Let's see - GP, rheumatologist, midwife, OB/GYN (back-up), psychiatrist, allergist, acupuncturist, herbalist (I've been into Eastern medicine since I was a kid), neurologist, cardiologist, nephrologist, dermatologist, endocrinologist. That's off the top of my head. Oh! And my opthamologist. I'm blind as a bat in addition to all the other stuff.

I mainly just see the first seven or so (I'm a mess, I know ) - the others are just for check ups or any serious issues that arise. Luckily, those are getting fewer and father between as I get older and take care of myself better. DF may have something to do with that, though I'd never actually say that to him except on his birthday or something.

It sounds like you have a lot to do to take care of yourself. Sometimes a baby can help you discover your way to a different life, a different way of taking care of yourself. Take the time for yourself and your baby. Enjoy what is happening now

[zebra15]

FWIW, my ds is 9 and I have a slew of health issues, did 10 yrs ago too... Anyway had DS,(pre-eclampsia c-section) then lost a baby 16 mos later, really never tried after that. I dont want to come off my psych meds. Right now I;m 36 and just starting to think about wanting another baby. yes they would be 11-12 years apart however I need a man first. I'm in the middle of some pretty big life changes. I just decided to move across country, restart a career I took a break from and stop the career I went back to school for. Can I get pgnt, will I get pgnt, who knows but having my DS all to myself as an only child for these years has been the best. I still think about that m/c and what 'couldve been' at times... but as a single mom Ive loved every minute w. ds.

[VillageMom6]

Originally Posted by SleeplessMommy

Close spacing is very hard on the mother.

Eh, it wasn't for me. I got pregnant while fully nursing a five month old and that next pregnancy/birth/postpartum was the easiest of all my babies. I felt great physically and mentally and both babies thrived.

BUT... I was healthy to start with. PaintedFire, it's not the toll that back to back pregnancies would take on you that worries me. It's how your physical and mental challenges will impact your motherhood that I think you should wait and see.

Raising a baby/child is tough. It's physically and mentally demanding... every day. You may discover that just one child is all that you're able to handle well. You won't know that until your little one arrives and has been in your care for a while.

I wish you all the best!