How to make the separation easiest on kids as possible?

[monkeybum]

I want to separate from my DH. We've been married 9 years and it's just not working. There is no abuse or anything, and I think it is probably no surprise to him and will be a fairly amicable separation as long as we can work out the finances (I earn most of the money).

How can we make this as easy on the kids as possible? DH has been in his own room for almost 2 years and he often works until after they are in bed, so it would be fairly easly to keep their evening routines. I was thinking maybe DH could come over in the morning to get them ready for school and take them, (he does this currently) to keep things the same.

I was also thinking of trying to keep the house the same as much as possible, not to rearrange furniture or anything. I was thinking maybe DH and I could say "we" are getting a condo, and daddy will stay there sometimes, maybe ease them in to it.

Any ideas on how to make this as easy on the kids as possible? They are 3 and 6. It's the 6 year old I'm most worried about.

Thanks TIA!

[lucysmom]

Well, my DD was 2.5 when we split up. She was aware that things were changing (she & I moved out of our family house & into my dad's house, where we are still living 3.5 years later) but I didn't explain much about the reasons at the time. Now, I appreciate that it happened when she was so little -- it all seems very normal to her now, I think.

I think your plan about very very gradual transition is great if you & your DH can pull it off. But your kids will likely still need an explanation. I recommend honest but general -- "your dad and I have found that we do not work well as a couple, though we both love being your parents and we will always be connected to each other through you. [If true --] We are planning to work together so you see both of us a lot." They probably will have concerns about their stuff, where it will be, how they can make sure they can have access to their things when they want them, etc. I would make sure they have a chance to voice their worries, which might be different ones than you imagine.

I have found it useful for my DD to have a play therapist with whom to work out issues and worries about her family situation. Maybe it would make sense for your DC to see a play therapist during the coming transition period of their lives so they have a place where they can work out any issues and unhappiness about it.

Best wishes --