Feeling very raw and wanting some support...

[missme]

I just found out that another lesbian couple I know have started the process of TTC (with the same doctor as me - small city, really the only one who does it here). It crushed me, because she will surely get pregnant on the first try, and yet another woman in my community/family/life will have a baby before me.

I know it's so unreasonable...and I want everyone to have the babies they long for...but I can't stand it...and I can't give up.

I gave up on looking for a partner, because it was too emotionally difficult and I knew I couldn't date and try to get pregnant at the same time.

I won't give up on a baby. If the next 3 IUIs fail, I will try IVF. If that doesn't work, I'll remortgage and start the adoption process. In that case, it's probably 3 years till babe in arms. I'm lucky that I'm able to access the resources to do all this; I know women who aren't. But I've been waiting all my life to start baby-making - waiting because I needed to be able to afford it and afford to support myself and my children. So I needed to go back to school and get a permanent job and deal with my personal issues so I would be ready, right?

I just feel so crushed, so unexpectedly right now. And so very lonely. I'm supposed to have my first post-laparoscopy IUI next week, but I don't think my body is ready - I'm still bleeding long after my period is usually done...

I'm sorry, this a lot of emotion - I just need to get it out...
Thanks

[Carhootel]

[InWaiting]

I'm so sorry. I know all too well that "when will it be my turn?" feeling. It seems to come so easy to some (most) and it feels as if they take it for granted.
I believe that when it is finally our turn it will be that much sweeter.

[bluehairedwoman]

I remember those feelings all too well. Sending you strength and peace. It is a lot for one person to handle on her own. Best of luck to you!