Leaving my nursing toddler for an entire day???

[T-man's Mama]

A dear friend is having a baby shower this weekend, and it is very important to me to make it as she will not be having another baby, and this one was a slight miracle.

The shower destination is a four-hour drive each way, and my little guy (15 months) really detests being in the car so long and screams and cries. By the end of such trips, we are usually both miserable and anxious, despite having stopped an untold number of times to nurse/stretch our legs. I dread (and avoid, if possible) any trip longer than an hour, and it has been this way since his birth.

I am feeling uncertain as how to handle this weekend. I'm willing to take him along, and my friend has no problem with this (I asked), but hubby is insisting that I leave him home with him. I've never left him longer than three hours before.

In actuality, I'd love to be able to make this trip alone. It's not overnight, and it would be much easier overall, and a break for me, a full-time SAHM. BUT it will be about a total of 11 hours that I'd be gone (8 am - 7 pm). My little guy still nurses quite a bit, and I have fears about his drinking/eating enough in my absence. He has never eaten much in the way of "real" food.

I am having a hard time determining if it's ME not wanting to leave HIM (I admit it, as a very AP parent). What's more, is it worse to put him in a car, which he hates, for eight hours just to make sure he can have access to his "nummies" -- or better to leave him at home with daddy and grandparents to entertain him, and hope he will drink his nummies from a cup? I feel torn, please share your thoughts, mamas!!!

[nelson]

I used to have this fear too and then I realized that when I am not home DS is fine, granted my DS is two, but I have been leaving him with my DH without any expressed milk since he was 16 months (before he was home with DH but with expressed milk). Maybe you could pump a little and see if he wants it in a cup or bottle while you are gone, it may help at least to put your mind at ease. He will probably nurse more upon your return, but my DS always eats more table food when I am not there to nurse him, so that helps too. I say go for it- Oh, and remember to bring a hand pump along if possible in case you start to feel engorged. Good Luck!

[Nicole730]

My guess it is probably more you not wanting to leave. If dad wants to stay home with the kid for a day, I would go for it. It will be good for all three of you. Even if you son decides not to eat, it's only for a day. I'm guessing he will act different and eat different when you are not around.

Have fun at the shower!

[T-man's Mama]

Nelson and Nicole -

Thank you both for responding -- I appreciate your input and reassurances! Thanks also for the tip about bringing the pump, Nelson. That could be a painfully long drive home, all tired and engorged!!

I have to agree -- I'm pretty certain by now that it's really me who has the issue. It just feels wrong to go longer than two hours without my little guy near me. But this will be a good experience for all (I hope!).

[lifeguard]

I'd do it. Ds has long been able to go without nursing for much longer stretches when I'm not around. As soon as I get home he's ready to go again. If you're not there it will not be much of an issue 'cause it's just not an option. And at 15 months & eating some other foods & liquids he'll get through the day nourishment wise fine.

Enjoy your day!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Go, and don't worry about your ds! But definitely take a pump! And don't pump right before you get home - your ds is going to want to nurse ASAP once you're home!! Which means, stop and pee at a gas station before you get home - you might not get a bathroom break for a while once the nursing begins!

[EzzysMom]

Any way you can make the trip more fun? Find a hotel with a nice pool somewhere along the way. Leave DH and kid there, make it a family vacation with a baby shower of you leaving in the middle? Find a zoo or amusement park for them to have fun at while you're gone? I wouldn't say you shouldn't go, but it would have been hard for me to leave for that long too. I still haven't left my daughter that long and she's over 2. But most everyone else certainly has!

[Dreamy]

At 11 months I went back to work, and was very nervous about being away from DS for 9 hours a day, so I did a little test run one weekend, leaving him with DH for 4.5 hours. DS never ate or drank much while I was around, but once I was gone, removing the "num-num" temptation , he ate and drank fine for DH. Maybe do a little trial like that first to reassure yourself?

[crunchy_mommy]

I would have the exact same concerns with my 16-mo and have never left him more than an hour or two. But, the times that DH is playing with him all day (weekends etc.) he nurses way less, but is still happy, so I think that shows that he COULD go all day if necessary. He does eat solids though (not a ton, but will eat more in my absence, especially things like fruits, smoothies, beans, etc.) It obviously means a lot to you to go & I think 8 hours in the car is a lot to ask of a toddler just so he can nurse (and believe me, we have gone to many extremes for nursing, but I think in your situation I would not bring DS). You can pump for comfort, and also leave him a couple cups of expressed milk if you want, and stock up on his favorite foods. You could also have DH plan to spend the day somewhere really fun (take him to the zoo or something) so you know he'll be having fun & preoccupied. Also, depending on his temperment, consider having a pacifier around just for that day (we have never used a paci but I would consider having an 'emergency' one on hand in that kind of situation since it's a break from his usual routines etc.)

[CrunchyChristianMama]

When my DD was that age I had to leave her for a day to be in a wedding. She ended up refusing the milk I had left for her, but consumed a ridiculous amount of solid food! I was AMAZED by how much she ate! I'm sure your babe will be fine. It will be really good for you both.

[bluebirdiemama]

I had anxiety about leaving my little guys at first, but it's really good for mom, baby, and daddy. So I agree with the other posters. Go and have fun. You'll probably be surprised at how well he eats and drinks for daddy.

[T-man's Mama]

Thanks for all your support, ladies.

Ezzy'sMom - I love your suggestion...in fact, that was my ideal situation, but unfortunately DH was not keen on the idea. I tried, but simply couldn't bribe/coax/cajole him into accompanying me. Which led me here.

I do remain anxious about this whole thing, but I think you all are probably right - he will eat and drink as much as he needs. I'll stock up on the things I know he'll eat, stock some breastmilk in the fridge, make sure all his sippy cups and such are clean, maybe have a pacie on hand for naptime, and say a prayer. The main nursing that I think he will miss in my absence is before and after his naptime. I can only hope he doesn't get mad at me and go on a nursing strike, or self-wean!!!!!!!!! Ugh, the guilt, it's unavoidable.....

[lemonapple]

I just left my nursing 18 month old for an overnight trip with my husband. We had family in town and took advantage of it for a nearly 24 hour "adult vacation".

It was the first time we'd been apart so long, and I was so worried, but ds did wonderfully and even convinced his grandmother to cook him an egg at 4am! Our babies always manage just fine without us...just make sure you know how to hand express or bring a pump!!! I had no idea we were nursing so much...my poor breasts!!!

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by T-man's Mama

The main nursing that I think he will miss in my absence is before and after his naptime.

Does he usually nurse to sleep? Maybe your DH could take him for a ride in the stroller or the car or carrier instead... so he's not laying there in bed confused about why you aren't nursing him. I know that's the only way my DS will fall asleep without nursing!

Have a fun trip!

[T-man's Mama]

lemonapple -- that is hilarious!!

crunchy_mommy -- fortunately, he does have techniques that work. DH has put baby down for naps before by stroller rides, or car rides on occasion. In fact, last night ds (who was exhausted due to skipping his nap!!) fell asleep on hubby's shoulder as they were dancing in the living room to some music after dinner. It was adorable...

[Everrgreen]

Just for another point of view, I left my then 16 month old son with my dad for about 24 hours (I was attending a friend's birth), and I returned a few times during that period to spend some time with him/nurse, but there was one 9 hour chunk. He did not do well. And he has been very clingy since and gets very upset if I even leave the room. It's been a month now and he's still like this.
But, I think a child would do a lot better with their dad than with a grandparent. This just wasn't an option for me.

[Starry-eyedMom]

If dad and baby are well-bonded, he'll be fine! They could even do a couple shorter practice runs so that it's not any shock to his lil' attached self.

[LemonPie]

Go for it! I've done it a few times and have found that at that age my kids just know I'm not in the house so nursing isn't even an option, KWIM? They've done just fine until I return.

[T-man's Mama]

Gillian, thanks for your insight. I can see how that must have been tough on your little one. I hope he is able to recover from that soon!!

I guess the one thing really going for us right now is that he has a wonderful bond with his daddy. In fact, that is who he seems to prefer at this point in time, aside from nursing! He was a mama's boy for a long time, so I guess it's only fair to share the preferential treatment.

[T-man's Mama]

Okay, I don't want to bump this thread unnecessarily, but just wanted to give a short update.

I went to the shower alone, and ended up being gone almost 12 hours. However, none of my fears came true: DS was absolutely fine with daddy and the grandparents...they had a wonderful day together, and almost no crying! He ate and drank a whole lot, and was not crying or clingy when I got home in any way! I guess they do adapt pretty well.

The only downside was that I forgot the power cord to my pump!! Yes, I brought the pump but no power, how is that for mommy brain. Of course, I was severely engorged by the time I got home, but after nursing a few times, all is well. Thanks for the encouragement, ladies!