feeling awful and nervous about hospital birth

[suddenlyamama]

homebirth is not an option or a choice for us. We do not have the money to pay for a midwife in the bay area. It is completely where I align myself and am so nervous about my baby's due date in 4 weeks. My insurance does not cover cnms either. All i read is horror stories about hospital births. It sucks.

I hate that I am transferring this negative fear and anxiety to my baby about her arrival. How do I deal? (Besides professional help..ha...can't afford that either)

[nia82]

Hugs, I know how you feel. Arrive as late as possible at the hospital and have your partner or doula enforce your wishes. Which hospital will you be at? My SIL had a natural birth without disturbances at Sequoia (Redwood City). DH's cousin just had an induction and section pushed on her at Stanford. I hear good stuff about Mills-Peninsula (for natural birth). Kaiser has a low csection rate...

[Cassaba]

Dear Suddenlyamama, I wanted to let you know that I am in a similar situation. I posted in "I'm Pregnant" about how my Bradley instructor has said things that have made me feel like it's impossible to have a natural, unmedicated hospital birth. I have considered quitting the Bradley classes because I don't like the impact on my psyche. Here's how I am trying to deal: like nia82 suggests, I'm going to labor at home for as long as practical. I am going to have a birth plan that I share with my provider beforehand. I will also take multiple copies with me for the labor and delivery nurses and staff. I am going to have DH and a doula with me and I am counting on them to run interference. Finally, I keep telling myself that all that really matters in the long run is that I come out of this with a healthy baby. Best wishes mama!

p.s. I have a book called "Homebirth in the Hospital" which shares the stories of women who've successfully birthed naturally in the hospital setting, and offers advice on how to achieve it. It is written by Stacey Marie Kerr. You might want to check it out since you've only heard horror stories.

[chandasz]

I know I responded elsewhere but I am going to respond here as a mama who had both her babies in a hospital.... not as a professional....

We stayed home as long as we "could". I arrived both times at about 9... I was only there for about 45 minutes (if even) before pushing.

I had a great experience both times. Great stories. #1 was posterior but I had fantastic support and #2 was a waterbirth like I had wanted.

It's normal to be nervous. I felt the same way just before #2 came along. Wished I was going to be at home but you know what-- I had great caregivers, great support and I knew what I was doing.

Please don't think you need to have a bad experience just because it is a hospital.

There are some advantages too.

Someone brings you food/drink

Someone reminds you to change baby diaper and you have someone there all the time when you have a new baby that you don't know what to do with- LOL

You don't feel like you have to pick up the house for company

No distractions from home

You will have continuous access to breastfeeding help

Everyone is nice to you

You don't feel obligated to answer the phone

Start coming up with some of your own positives about where you plan to birth!

[Yuba_River]

I had a hospital birth with DS when I really wanted to be at home--and it was completely fine. The nurses respected our birth plan, and basically left us alone. For about 12 hours, from when I got there until when I was close to pushing, it was just my husband, my mom and me, and I was up out of the bed the whole time--shower, birth ball, leaning on the window sill etc. Nurses came in and listened with a doppler where ever I was, and that was it. I did have a 15 minute stint on the monitor when I first got there. I would have been happier at home, but once I really got into labor land, I stopped even thinking about it. '

DS never left our room, and we went home less than 24 hours after he was born. Also, the nurse who was with me during pushing was wonderful--positive, encouraging and helpful. So, I know it's not ideal for you, but just wanted to share a positive story.

[isign]

Hugs mama!! I had both my babies in a hospital and had amazing care. I met the nurses and visited the hospital a few times so I was familiar with the surroundings. When my water broke with my 2nd, I called my Dr to let him know. His staff called the hospital, faxed all my info including my birth preferences. When I arrived they had a room ready and had read my file, and were on board with what I wanted. The care was amazing, both during delivery and PP. DS has therapy sessions as the same hospital, so sometimes DD and I will pop in while waiting just to say hi. Positive experiences do happen.

You need to be able to have faith in the people taking care of you in order to relax. Trust your DH & your doula to not just run interference, but to help the staff know your wishes. It is very possible to have a natural birth in a hospital. I wish you luck!

[ledzepplon]

Have you been on a hospital tour yet? You say you are in the Bay Area, so my guess is that you don't have much to worry about--I bet the hospitals in your area are much more geared toward natural birth options than in most other places in the country.

I've had three hospital births in SoCal, and no horror stories to report. It's standard procedure here to delay cord clamping, keep mom and baby together always, promote breastfeeding, and no one so much as batted an eye when we declined the Hep B shot and circumcision.

My advice is do the hospital tour and come prepared with questions. Hopefully you'll be pleasantly surprised.

[Lucy&Jude'sMama]

I had a hospital birth with my first two years ago. I did a lot of research about natural childbirth and the drugs that hospital try to push. Anyways since I was a first time mom the moment my water broke I though... OMG she'll be here any minute! Hahaha So I went to the hospital first thing. (In my own defense my mom had me with in two hours of her water breaking so I was thinking I'd be the same) The hospital midwife told me I just peed on myself... to which I replied... Uh I know what pee is. 4 hours later they agreed that my water had broke but up top so it still seemed intacked. Anyways I got a room and refused to sign papers for drugs. I also refused to be strapped down to any machines or IVs. I did fetal monitoring because they told me I didn't have a choice in that, but instead of being strapped down I had them monitor me ever hour for 15 minutes. This was alright until real pain came which was about 10 hours after I arrived... then I hated them each time they made me sit still for monitoring. I had a labor tub in the room and that help till about 7 centimeters. After that it was just managing the pain. My total labor was 20 hours. I pushed for 30-45 minutes. No tearing, no complications, and drug free.

I'm pregnant with my second and I'm planning to go unassisted with this one since like you I can not afford a midwife (I live in CA) and I don't want to go back to the hospital. I would say for a hospital experience I had a good one. The reason I don't want to go back to the hospital isn't because I'm afraid of interventions (just say no), but because of the little annoyances that just bothered me. Like being starving and getting kicked out of the cafe, the constant fetal monitoring, being forced out of comfortable positions, and having to give birth on my back. Oh and the 3 day stay they said was also mandatory... I stayed 24 hours which they weren't happy about. Turns out I could have left when I wanted to. It just would have been against doctors orders.

I stated earlier that I had done my research on natural childbirth and drugs associated with birth complications and other interventions, but what I didn't do the 1st time was research my rights. What truly was mandatory hospital policy and what was just doctor/nurse convenience. Now if for some crazy reason I end up back at the hospital I know I can refuse pretty much everything and I also have the right to kick people out of my room too and be in the birth position I want.

So do some research and take a tour of your hospital. You can have a great experience in a hospital you just need to know your rights and know what you want. Also make sure to be specific on how you want your baby to be handled. If you want the cord to stop pulsating before its cut, if you want your baby placed directly on you (providing there are no complications), if you want to be left alone to bond...etc. Sometimes you have to fight a little for what you want, but I say the fighting makes birth easier in some cases because it gets you angry. hahaha I always work better when I'm mad. hahaha Good luck to you!!!! I'm sure you will have a wonderful experience and if it doesn't go exactly as planned just remember the end result is a beautiful baby.

[StrawberryFields]

I had two hospital births and one homebirth. One of my hospital births was a homebirth transfer and one was planned. One I had interventions (pit, abx, internal monitor, epidural) and one was intervention free--not even an IV. And they were both great! Great nurses, great doctor, everyone very respectful and helpful. Both times I had an * awesome * shower with jets from all sides, the food was good, no one really bugged me at night or anything. I was up with the baby half the time anyway. In my transfer I checked out early (my first baby) and my planned hospital birth (my third baby) I stayed the full 2 or 3 days or whatever it is. My third birth even had a whirlpool tub.

Just wanted to let you know it is not impossible to have a great hospital birth and they aren't all horror stories. It was harder to have a natural birth simply because pain meds were readily available and I'm kind of a wuss but my doctor and nurses helped me get through it.

Best of luck!!

[Climbergirl]

Ledzepplon: Unfortunately, that is not exactly the case. I believe Good Sam has almost a 45% c-section rate. (That could be a little high, but their rate was pretty high). I won't go too far into why, but I would avoid Good Sam. If you would like to hear why, just PM me.

I know a lot of people have done well with Kaiser and Sequoia, as well as the hospital in Santa Cruz.

I would say get a good doula. That will help. Harmony and Blossom has info on doulas. If you get on the ICAN San Jose yahoo group, you could ask there (even though you have not had a c-section, they have great recommendations for very supportive OBs and know rates at the local hospitals).

The other thing is to tell your DH if the nurse is being too pushy about anything, go to the head nurse and ask for a different one. Do not give her the benefit of the doubt. Make sure the people around you are truly supporting you.

You can do it, but you have to be smart about it. What hospital are you planning on birthing? Are you near San Jose? I can connect you with some people there that may be able to help.

I am sorry you are nervous. Maybe you could get some birth affirmations and listen to those to help?

Good luck!

[mambera]

Originally Posted by suddenlyamama

homebirth is not an option or a choice for us. We do not have the money to pay for a midwife in the bay area. It is completely where I align myself and am so nervous about my baby's due date in 4 weeks. My insurance does not cover cnms either. All i read is horror stories about hospital births. It sucks.

Are you sure your ins won't cover a hospital-based midwife practice? I'm also in the Bay Area, I had terrible insurance but it covered my AWESOME midwives and I had a very nice natural birth with no interventions. I know they take a lot of transfers from OB care quite late in pregnancy as well. PM me for specifics!

[Magali]

I was totally in your position not too long ago. No way for me to have a midwife assisted homebirth, and I am not comfortable with a UC as we live far from a hospital. If you can believe it, I am at peace with the fact that I will be having this baby in a hospital. I didn't start prenatal care till about 18 weeks, and I was so nervous at my first DR.s appointment. But I felt less nervous at the second appointment. It is feeling really good to me put MYSELF in control of my care and using a DR. to get what I want out of the visits. I recently went and visited the hospital and actually had a really great tour. Sure, I would still rather be at home with a hands off midwife. But this is my situation and I will make the best of it. I almost feel like going to my prenatal visits is preparing me for during labor when more than likely I will have to say "no" to certain things. My best advice, is to take charge of your care as much as you can.

You can have a great hospital birth!! I had a really nice one with my ds.
And the things that bother me most about it could have been changed if I had been more aware of what was happening. My water broke before labor and I went in right away. Big mistake because that is what led to the pitocin augmentation of my labor. I was crying for an epidural before the pitocin....so I can't "blame" anything on that . So like others have said, I will try to stay at home as long as possible this time.

You can make yourself crazy reading about horrible hospital experiences and fantastic homebirths. I think it is good to read and learn from them, but everyone's experience is different. You are living your reality and that reality is a hospital birth. I think it is awful that we don't all have access to the birth we want and it depresses me to no end. But at the end of it all, we have to do the best with what we've got to work with.

[suddenlyamama]

Hi all,
thanks for all the encouragment and support, I really appreciate it.
We will be delivering at Alta Bates, which is located in Oakland and Berkeley. We just moved here and since I had to late transfer (34 weeks) the only doc that would see me "this late" is high risk.
After we found out the insurance wouldn't cover the midwife I was seeing I called any and every recommended ob but was referred to the high risk office because they were all booked for July births. ( I am not high risk, they just refer patients here when there is no room in the other affiliations)
It sounds unbelievable...and it is, because we just moved here from Portland where everything was soooo easy. But DH got a new job, we got new insurance, and we have to go with the flow.
If this wouldn't be my first baby I might have considered unassisted as I have tried ins and outs with my insurance to see if I could even still be seen by the midwife in hospital but there is no way of getting them to pay for it.

I am sorry if this is way tmi, I am not super used to posting on boards as I am new to the Mothering community.

Thanks again for your positive feedback and so happy for the mamas who have had good hospital experiences.

[suddenlyamama]

Oh and I forgot to mention that being reminded of the end result is really helpful. Thank you for that!

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by chandasz

Please don't think you need to have a bad experience just because it is a hospital.

I had a great hospital vba2c with my last baby All the nurses and everything were great. I had a great doula, too. I'm planning my second hospital vba2c and hoping it goes that well again!

[VillageMom6]

I wish you all the best! I've had five hospital births that were wonderful... little to no interventions, one of which was a planned water birth.

Honestly, I read all of the horror stories about hospital births and I'm just baffled. Don't get me wrong... I believe them. But my experiences have been so different.

[expat-mama]

I'm in a similar situation as you. I live in the UAE where homebirth is illegal, if I were back in Canada I'd be having a homebirth. But we have to go with the cards we're dealt and that's what I've been doing. I was so nervous and apprehensive about a hospital birth but I did what I could to find the best hospital I could and to prepare myself and DH for having a natural birth in an unnatural setting.
It's hard and terrifying to read all the natural birthing info that is geared to homebirthers and so against hospitals when you have no other choice! I know. I wish I had heard of that book a PP mentioned- Homebirth in the Hospital, or something.

I'm due next week and planning to stay home as long as possible (till I feel pushy, hopefully, since we live less than 10 minutes away from the hospital), we've prepared a thorough birth plan, discussed it beforehand with the hospital staff and are very familiar with our hospital's routines so we know what to expect and have planned how to deal with it.

It was hard at first to come to terms with the fact that my first birth won't be exactly as I'd imagined it or would have wished it, but even if I had been able to plan a home birth there would be no guarantees, you know? In the end, I have to remember that this experience will be largely what I make of it, that I've done all I can do to try to ensure my baby has a gentle entry into the world, and that if it IS bad...well it's only one day. I can deal with one bad day for this baby. The end result will be BABY and that will make it all worth it! It's nice to hear mamas chime in with positive stories and reassurance about hospital births- I find that's hard to come by around these parts.

Good luck.

[Galatea]

I have a friend who was in your situation and she took Bradley classes to learn about labor stages and signs. They stayed home until she could do nothing other than concentrate on labor and was in laborland. Then they went to the hospital. When they arrived, she was 9 cm, pushed out the baby, and signed out a few hours later. The key is to learn about what early labor and active labor look and feel like so you don't go too early.

[cappuccinosmom]

I've had three babies in hospitals. It was disappointing to be risked out of the birth center. Definitely stressful, but...

Once I knew what I was doing, the 2nd and 3rd births were just fine. I never walk in before 7 cm anyway. The midwives were great. The births went fast. No problems. Except the beds were uncomfortable.

[AnnaNova]

i was in your shoes about 2 yrs ago. i had to have a hospital birth for varous reasons and i swear i thought i'd have to fight for every step i make as soon as im there. but it turned out to be wonderful and peaceful and intimate and generally everything we wanted.
we had an awesome doula and requested a natural birth minded nurse when we got there, so that helped a lot.
unfortunately i had to be there when i was only about 1.5 cm, but it stll all worked out. we hhad lights off the entire time, even when my water broke they brought in a flashlight. i was there for 12 hrs before i dialated fully and then pushed for another 3 hrs. it was hard, but i had great support so that helped greatly.
i later ended up working at the same hospital and was going to l&d once in a while to pump, and they still remembered me...
i wish you all the best, and hope you have an awesome experience!