feeling awful and nervous about hospital birth - Page 2

[terra-pip]

I love this thread!!!

I agree with everything everyone already posted. I had my first in a birthing center and my second at a hospital...my CNM was away so I had the OB in her practice I chose attending. I was nervous about it because of the horror stories I heard as well about OBs and hospitals...and I couldn't have been more relieved. Everything on my birthing plan was honored. I was able to walk and labor how I liked. I pushed on my hands and knees. My OB was against episiotomies but not as familiar with warm compresses as a MW..so I talked him through it in labor...it's still something funny to us when I meet him. I didn't tear. He had to cut baby's umbilical before the body was out because the cord was tight. If I kept pushing him it was going to tighten even more. He talked me through panting to slow down my pushes until the cord was cut. That's the sort of thing that make me go to hospitals. Something like that is completely unforeseeable and I like knowing that in those cases someone is there to make sure everything is okay. My son was fine. And he talked me through it calmly because he knew about my wish for delayed cord clamping. I passed a pretty large clot even though my placenta was allowed to come naturally and was intact and he gave Methegrin instead of Pitocin which was my wish...another reason I like hospitals or someone with medical knowledge with me. Birth is beautiful but does come with risks.

My advice is the same as everyone elses...be 100% informed of all hospital policies. Think about your time there as not "fighting" but being "politely assertive"...and have a detailed birth plan. Keep looking and see if you can find a hospital with a CNM attending...and if you can't and you see no other options but this high risk OB...then make sure he/she understands that you're not really high risk but just unable to find other care. And make sure your labor nurses know that too!!

And try to take high Csection rates with some common sense...high csection rates are troublesome...but remember you don't know the exact details of every womans labor or birth and the reasons for her csection. Some could have been prevented, some may have been elective, some may have had some very valid medical reasons and on and on it could go. Sometimes we women get overly scared of the C word.

I've noticed a bash hospital birth trend these days as well...but remember things can go wrong at home too!!!

[Cassaba]

I just want to thank everyone who has shared positive, natural childbirth stories in the hospital setting. It is helping me feel more confident and less afraid that I will wind up with unnecessary and unwanted interventions.

[kltroy]

I haven't read the whole thread, so I apologize if this is redundant, but I would absolutely speak to a family practice doctor who does obstetrics, and have him/her attend your birth. FP doctors tend to practice with more of a midwife model of care - they are not trained surgeons and don't tend to intervene nearly as often as OB/GYNs do. I actually had a really lovely hospital VBAC 2 years ago with my family practice doctor. It was completely intervention-free and the best part is that my doctor could take care of me and my daughter all at the same time!

[kittywitty]

Your insurance doesn't cover CNMs? That's terrible!

Just because it will be at the hospital doesn't mean it can't be a great experience. Be prepared, have someone there to speak up for you, and think positively! I know many people who had fine hospital births.

[happysmileylady]

Originally Posted by suddenlyamama

homebirth is not an option or a choice for us. We do not have the money to pay for a midwife in the bay area. It is completely where I align myself and am so nervous about my baby's due date in 4 weeks. My insurance does not cover cnms either. All i read is horror stories about hospital births. It sucks.

I hate that I am transferring this negative fear and anxiety to my baby about her arrival. How do I deal? (Besides professional help..ha...can't afford that either)

Do not let the "horror stories" get to you. It is absolutely 100% possible to have the hospital birth you want. All you have to do is find the right hospital. I have never known anyone to experience the "classic cascade of interventions" that so many talk about here. My sister had a C-section, but on her request, not the hospital's, and she hadn't had any interventions other than the IV-no pit, no other meds, nothing. She had gone into labor on her own, water broke on her own, she just basically gave up after several hours of pushing-and has no regrets. My friend had an emergency C section for pre-e. Those are the only two C-sections I know of out of 9 births that I personally know the mommas, or my own.

Both of my previous births were in the hospital. The first, I was quite young, but still had no epidural, nor was it pushed on me. About an hour before she was born, I was ASKED, NOT pressured at all, if I wanted any pain meds and at that point agreed, but it was MY choice, no one pressured me. And with my second, I did end up with an epidural, but it was again my choice. They only asked me once, and only because DH was already pressuring me to. Monitoring, my hospital uses intermittent monitoring, I could get up and walk around any time I wanted. They also off labor tubs, there are a few rooms with them in the room and then they have a pair of first come, first serve tubs for anyone. The rooms are private, LDRP rooms, so you get checked in and you don't have to leave the room at all the entire time, if you don't want to. They also have birth balls and birth bars that you can lean on, you could push or give birth in any position you wanted. And they offered to let me go home basically as soon as I was ready. Now, I stayed, because they brought food to me, I didn't have to cook. Baby could stay in the room if I wanted, or not, so if I felt like letting someone else take care of her for a night so I could sleep, I could do that, but I didn't, she actually slept several hours those first two nights.

I am totally comfortable doing another hospital birth this time around.

ETA: also the doc you have attending makes a difference to. My doc's philosphy is that the majority of births have nothing to wrong and that the woman is perfectly capable of doing it all on her own. He believes he's only there for the rare instance when something goes wrong.

[cristeen]

I will say that Alta Bates is one of the best hospitals around to deliver at, by all accounts. When you check in, ask if you can be attended by a MW - it never hurts to ask. I just had a friend deliver there last week, and she was very happy with her birth (she was leaning toward HB, but her DH said no).

Do you have a doula? Do you have any support system here at all?

As silly as it sounds, you might want to join us in the FYT area - the Alameda County Mommas and maybe come out for whatever playdates you can attend before you have the babe. Get to know a few people. I know I'd be happy to help out... it was really awful doing everything without support when I had my babe, so I'm happy to offer support to new moms. And if you're near Alta Bates, then you're not far from me.

[somegirl99]

Thanks for the thread, it's making me feel better about my upcoming hospital birth.

[cappuccinosmom]

Having attended a hospital birth that "went bad", I would add that if you're going in, you need to expect to be offered "services"/interventions, and you need to be resolute in refusing the minor ones.

I think stadol/demoral is a big culprit--what it did to me and to my sister was to make us feel loopy, scared, and out of control. Once you're at that point, it's possible to "consent" to things that you didn't want or don't really want then. As well as breaking the waters when the baby is not well-engaged in the pelvis (cord prolapse). They will tell you those are "minor" things, just "little" things to "help you". But in my observation and experience if you can avoid them, you have a better chance at a natural birth and an overall better labor. You need to have someone with you that will wholly support your desire to avoid interventions and be a buffer between you and the people pushing "just a little something to take the edge off".

[lovingkindness]

typing one handed-

get there as late as possible! I know it's tricky to know how far you are but I left the house when I thought I was in transition. By the time we arrived at the hospital I was 10 cm. It was perfect. Transition in the car = not too fun but worth it.

[cchrissyy]

so, i had my last baby at Alta Bates berkeley with a CNM, and it was billed under some OBs name in the group and worked out fine.

can you share what insurance, what midwife you wanted, and what medicla group?
have you asked the midwife how she bills and what can be done for yoru situation?

[Yuba_River]

Originally Posted by kltroy

I haven't read the whole thread, so I apologize if this is redundant, but I would absolutely speak to a family practice doctor who does obstetrics, and have him/her attend your birth. FP doctors tend to practice with more of a midwife model of care - they are not trained surgeons and don't tend to intervene nearly as often as OB/GYNs do. I actually had a really lovely hospital VBAC 2 years ago with my family practice doctor. It was completely intervention-free and the best part is that my doctor could take care of me and my daughter all at the same time!

I totally agree with this. My birth was attended by my FP doc, and she was great. Much less interventionist. It was really nice having her check both me and DS the next day, too.

[Xavismom]

Havent read through all the posts, but I wanted to lend some encouragement!

I had a natural birth attended by a CNM in a hospital. It wasnt the homebirth I always dreamed of, but it was 200% BETTER than I ever thought a hospital birth could be. Very supportive.

[chellebee]

As a doula, I can tell you that I have attended great hospital births.

And speaking of doulas, if you are interested in having one (I am assuming you don't based on previous comments?) I would recommend looking for a doula in training that would do a free or reduced cost birth. I'm not in your state, so I don't know what doula orgs are around, but you could start with the DONA website and contact someone and go from there. Also, a lot of doulas who do charge normal fees will do a free/reduced cost birth every so often (or sliding fee) so it definitely doesn't hurt to ask.

[MamaChicken]

I've had all four of mine in the hospitals, including the twins. The only "bad" experience I had was from the Pre-E with my first. I was attended by midwives all four times who were working with OBs. I was insured through my college the first time and Kaiser for the rest. I did study hypnobabies and the nurses and MW were facinated by it, they had never seen it before. When I had my twins, the MW had never attended a twin birth before and not a single one of the 17 people in the room had ever seen a natural twin birth. They cheered me on and were so supportive! The OB and anestheseologist just hung out at the sides of the room.

[MyFullHouse]

BE CLEAR with your doctor before the big day as step one!

All 4 of my babies have been born in hospitals, 2 with OBs and 2 with CNMs. We have used 3 different NJ hospitals and NJ has something like a 40% c-section rate. The only time I've ever had a section even mentioned to me has been with #4, by my CNM, for legitimate reasons. Even then, we managed to avoid it.

I was completely unprepared for my first birth, and took my OB up on the suggestion to induce at 40 weeks. Yes, 40 weeks. As a first-timer. It was a 36-hour project from start to finish, complete with epidural. He was even born at 6:16pm, when the stats show that dinner-time doctors cut around 4. I was never threatened.

I crazily requested induction for #2 with another OB. Not only did the staff completely respect my decision to not have an epidural, but they sent someone else's midwife in to give me some tips after her client delivered.

My hospital births with my CNM were wonderful, and the staff at that hospital is used to working with natural labor.

I'm *considering* homebirth with #5 (my cons being distance from transfer and dh's resistance), but I am content with another hospital birth. My plan is made clear in advance, it's made clear when I arrive at the hospital, and I have a husband who backs me up. I also know how to calmly ask for an AMA form.

I realize my experience doesn't necessarily reflect the norm, but it's not off-the-wall enough to assume it's impossible. It isn't fair that it should have to be a fight for many women, but it IS worth the fight!

Stay strong!

[Honey693]

I had a pretty good hospital birth with my first (my birth story on the home birth page somewhere around 10-08). I was very very clear with my doctor on what I wanted though. I think the key to having a great hospital birth is being clear with your provider what you want and what you don't want. If you're on the same page things will go much more smoothly. Even though she was out on maternity leave for my delivery I was able to invoke the all mighty "But my doctor said" to the nurse a few times and the doctor that delivered was from the same practice so she had at least seen my chart.

[MegBoz]

I relate! In the beginning of my pregnancy, I didn't know a SOUL who'd had a natural birth. I figured I'd get the epidural because, "Why go through all that pain if you don't have to?" Thank goodness I had enough sense to realize I'd better get educated!

By the end I was way more terrified of the hospital than I was of birth itself. But not only was it fine, they were quite nice. My nurse even complimented me on my birth plan saying, "You seem really well-read!" When we checked out, she said, "I tried to give you a lot of space, since it seemed like you wanted a home birth."

Cassaba gave you some great tips. Another one I read in the book "Pushed" was to actually get the birth plan formally signed-off on by the OB so nurses can't argue with it (or won't need to waste time calling up the OB to confirm.)

Another tip I got was to think of people coming into your room as visitors & maybe sometimes even asking, "Can I help you?," as if you are hosting them. For some reason this suggestion really resonated with me! it made me feel like this room will be my room and I am in charge!

I also refused a hospital gown & wore a big old t-shirt of DH's that we didn't care if it got ruined. That was also important to me to be in the right 'head space' to not feel like a hospital 'patient.' (I've worn gowns twice to go in for surgery under general anesthesia.)

As another person said, Never forget YOU CAN REFUSE ANYTHING! Absolutely, positively anything. From AROM to a hep-lock (which I consented to because I figured it was no big deal, but would refuse if I were to hospy birth again.) It's called "informed consent." There is no.such.thing as "mandatory." It's YOUR BODY and YOUR BABY.

I have to disagree with chandasz on some of those "pros" to hospy birth! Ha! I found the food to be dreadful! Not only did it not taste very good, I was literally deprived of fiber, protein & veggies. I was feeling malnourished!! So I'd recommend having DH & friends bring you stuff.

Also, my LCs were bad. I met numerous times with all of them & 3 of the 4 were DREADFUL & I have no doubt that I was worse off for having met them. So I'd ask your Bradley teacher & your "tribal area" for their input. Being steered wrong by bad LCs is really awful.

But I would say another benefit is the paperwork! Getting the birth cert, social security, hearing test & PKU screenings done for you without having to think about it at all is nice! (I've read lots of threads about HB mamas having to deal with the state health dept to get it taken care of.)

& having help as a first time mama with doing the diaper changes, swaddling, etc. is also nice!

I wish more people on the 'birth stories' forum would put birth location on the title so it's easier to find positive hospy birth stories - cuz there are lots of them out there!

Originally Posted by terra-pip

Think about your time there as not "fighting" but being "politely assertive"

I like this a lot! Great way to phrase it. You may have to say "no" but that doesn't mean you are fighting. It's your body, and literally, legally, they CAN'T touch you without your consent. So saying "no" doesn't have to be a bad thing & doesn't have to mean you have an adversarial view of the staff. Also, it might be worth bearing in mind that they suggest interventions to you that you don't want, because that's what they are used to.

Remember, most American women are not only not interested in natural birth, they think it's flat out stupid & crazy. (Saying things like, "Natural birth makes as much sense as natural dentistry.") So the nurses are used to those patients. Just because you have to remind them that you're different doesn't mean it's a "fight". (But, again, I'd have your doula ask immediately for a nurse experienced with natural birth. Friends of mine who birthed at the same hospital as me said their nurse was so awesome, she acted just like a doula.

[Hannah32]

I just wanted to post that I just had an induced, hospital birth. I did receive pitocin and an epidural as well. I had my qualms, but I have to say that I was treated very well. I was able to give birth vaginally and avoid a section, which I wanted to avoid due to the surgical recovery time.

There are downsides to a hospital birth, which I experienced, but it was the best choice for me, given the circumstances.

[Lisalee2]

I haven't had a hospital birth experience, but I know that if I were in a jam and had to birth at a hospital, it wouldn't have to be a horrible experience or anything. Definitely bring a birth plan, go over it beforehand with your doc if possible, make sure your labor support knows your plans, and stay positive. Good luck!

[mojobin]

Everyone has such lovely sage advice for you! Remember to keep your eye on the prize. I had a wonderful hospital birth and I had to be induced which was totally not in my birth plan. Yes it did feel more 'medical' than I would have liked (had strep B too so I had an IV for antibiotics) but I never had anyone pressure me into pain meds and everyone listened to my wishes. Continue to envision your birth as you would like it to be and it will BE! I know many women who have hospital births and are EARTH MAMAS through and through! Instead of listening to your instructor, perhaps you need to visit the hospital, take a tour, and ask questions. You may be pleasantly surprised.