4 yo pooping

[blue heron]

HELP!!!!
My just turned 4 yo son poops in his pants, or on the floor or in the pool, wherever he is, doesn't seem to care.
He hasn't worn diapers for about a year, maybe longer, most of the time he remembers to pee in the toilet.
I've always been very easy going about potty training, I pretty much just let it happen when it did with both of our boys.
If he's starting to poop sometimes I catch it and ask, and he lies and says he doesn't have to and if I try to take him to the toilet he fights me.
I'm just getting so frustrated with it, I'm so sick of cleaning out his pants, I'm sick of being out in public and having to drag him off to clean him up. He pooped in my sisters pool the other day and tonight he was sitting on our playroom floor with a bare butt and just pooped all over the floor.
I have to add, my husband was just diagnosed with a pretty serious illness and spent several days in the hospital, so I think some of this is an emotional reaction to that, but this was a problem before too. But maybe I need to give him a break because of it.
I keep telling him that if he doesn't remember and/or tell the truth about pooping that he's going to have to wear pull ups, which he doesn't want to do.
Any words of wisdom for me?

[4evermom]

Sorry to hear about your dh.

I have absolutely no advice because my ds was quite the opposite but couldn't read without responding.

[Lilypie32]

Well, unfortunately, you're not alone. My son has been pee trained (during the day) for almost 2 years but still refuses to poop in the potty. He wears pullups at night because he does not wake up to pee or poop. Typically, he will poop in his pullup at night, in the bath tub (so nasty), in his underwear. He does not poop his pants when we are out and about. He wears those swimming diapers in the pool. I'd die of embarrassment if he pooped in the public pool. He will also play with his poop. It's so disgusting. We are trying various things like reward charts to go to CEC or to the jump house, etc. It's not going well. He does have an autism spectrum disorder and has sensory issues so he is also in OT and other behavior therapy.

Toddlerhood is gross.

[titania8]

My 4yo was doing the same thing. Hadn't been in diapers for well over a year, even at night. But still not taking himself to the pot to poop. I was at my wir's end- frustrated, angry, worried, the whole bit. I'm sure you can relate.

Finally I came up with the idea to write a contract. So I told him that I know he doesn't like pooping in his pants, and having to get cleaned up. So he needed to sit on the pot everyday. I asked him when ge would like to do that. I made some suggestions (9:00, 9:30) and he chose after breakfast (which is perfect if you ask me- he's just eaten, we haven't left the house yet, he's not in the middle of anything). I asked him how long he was going to sit (5 mins, 10?)- he chose 4 minutes. He always sits longer, so that's not been an issue. I wrote it up and we both signed it. I even let him decide where to hang it (he chose the fridge). He had a lot of ownership over the contract, which helps I think.

So that was several months ago. He's grumbled about sitting, but I kind of ignore it, or I take him over to the fridge to remind him that HE signed it and it's non negotiable. Do you know we've gone from several poopy messes per day to a few a month? He's pooped nearly everytime. If he does't he'll have an accident that or the next day. But I'm calling this a success in that he's actually pooping in the potty.

Now, I'm not real sure how to get him to recognize on his own that he needs to go, but I'm holding out hope that he'll get it eventually.

Best of luck to you!

Oh, I should add that he seems to be comforted by "potty time". He's happier not having all those accidents.