Should I go to my daughter's TPR hearing?

[illinoisgranny]

Hi, I'm new here. I've been fostering my grandson in southern Illinois since November 4, 2008. We got news from our caseworker that there is a court date on Thursday to involuntarily terminate my daughter's and her boyfriend's parental rights. My daughter has developmental delay and so does her boyfriend. He also uses crack cocaine. We had to pick up my grandson from the hospital with two huge black eyes. My daughter said he did it to himself (?) but the hospital said it was abuse. She is very angry and blames me because I acknowledged to the caseworker that her boyfriend uses crack cocaine.

Should I go to this hearing? I am given the dates of the hearings we've had since the beginning of this mess but was told I didn't need to attend.

Also, what are the chances that the TPR will be approved by the judge? How long do the hearings last?

I'd appreciate any input from anyone who has been through similar situations and any advice.

[marsupial-mom]

I say go to the hearings if you can. This is your chance to learn more about your foster child's legal situation. Sometimes issues will be discussed in court that you aren't privy to outside of court. And sometimes the judges and the case workers have different ideas/goals. Going to court can help you prepare yourself and your foster child for the future.

[MommyKelly]

Will you be adopting him? I would go so you know what the whole situation is.
And I have never heard of a case going to TPR and the judge not approving it. Although I am sure it has happened.

[Thandiwe]

I can imagine this is really hard for you, being so torn. I am fostering my childhood best friend's child, and it's hard enough. I always feel so conflicted emotionally. I wish it didn't have to be this way; I love her. But there is no excuse for neglecting a child and I have to be there in support of the child.

I go to each and every hearing. I know that the children, though they are the center of the case, often get set aside to the parent's rights (at least in my experience), so I make sure I am a known representative of the child. Also, I find that the whole truth doesn't always come back accurately if I am not there to see it firsthand. Finally, if we are blessed enough to adopt someday, I want to have answers when the questions begin. I consider myself the book-keeper of this child's life before this little one can be present and remember alone. Silly, but true.

Much luck to you. I know that this is really hard.

[MommyKelly]

Originally Posted by Thandiwe

I want to have answers when the questions begin. I consider myself the book-keeper of this child's life before this little one can be present and remember alone. Silly, but true.

.

Not silly at all! I think is beautiful and your a great Momma.

[Sierra]

I too would go. My first thoughts echo what others have written already:

Originally Posted by marsupial-mom

Sometimes issues will be discussed in court that you aren't privy to outside of court. And sometimes the judges and the case workers have different ideas/goals. Going to court can help you prepare yourself and your foster child for the future.

Originally Posted by Thandiwe

Also, I find that the whole truth doesn't always come back accurately if I am not there to see it firsthand. Finally, if we are blessed enough to adopt someday, I want to have answers when the questions begin. I consider myself the book-keeper of this child's life before this little one can be present and remember alone.

I imagine it will be very, very difficult to be there in perhaps one of the most painful events of your daughter's life, and to be there in a capacity (as the foster parent of your darling grandson who was harmed by his parents) such that you can't be present (at least not fully) as your daughter's support. I am sorry you are in this position, but if you can, I recommend you still go.

[MissinNYC]

It really depends- are you adopting the child?

I too have never heard of TPR being denied once you're at that stage. It can be appealed, but is almost never overturned.

Our son's Mom's TPR hearing lasted about 20 minutes, but I know they can take hours. I would go, personally, to show the judge you're involved and to get information for the child later on.

So sorry that you're in this situation.

[queenjane]

Our hearing lasted months. It was supposed to be two days (ten days apart) but everything kept getting delayed. One time dad's lawyer had an emergency, another time she didnt show so the judge assigned a new one. Trying to coordinate dates amongst all the lawyers and the judge was a nightmare. We started in October and didnt have the final date until March. But the judge did rule from the stand right after it was all over.

Its true there are things they cant or wont tell you as a foster parent, that come out in court. And for me, i just felt like i was the only person there for the kids (the GAL--the children's lawyer--was there of course but he'd only met them once or twice)...i wanted the judge to see me there, to know i care. I got the feeling FPs dont show up very much where i live. And in some way, i wanted to be there for the birthmom, for her to have a friendly face (the dad sometimes had his adult child there, or his sister, but the mom never had anyone)...i wanted to know she wasnt alone even though in many ways were werent "on the same side." When the judge ruled, i cried, because it was awful. Later, i would be relieved and happy the TPR went through, but at that moment it was just so sad and terrible for the parents.

I want to be able to tell my kids what happened on that day (and that came in handy later when my new daughter tried to say certain events did not happen, that it was her brother's father's fault, and i said no, i was in court, your mom told the judge xyz, so it did happen.)

[illinoisgranny]

Thanks for the support

I'm thankful for all your replies. I've been keeping my own blog to keep track of everything that has happened since I got my grandson. The hearing is at 1 p.m. and I've decided to go and represent my grandson. It's been nearly 2 years and I'm ready for this to end!

[lauren]

Glad you were able to make a decision. Let us know how it goes!

[Sierra]

Were you saying the TPR hearing was today at 1pm? I'm glad you were able to make a decision too. Please do let us know how it went.

[illinoisgranny]

TPR was not approved

Well, after 19 months of caring for my grandson, the judge DID NOT terminate my daughter and her boyfriend's parental rights. I'm so disgusted and wondering how long it will take? I tried to find out who his guardian ad litem is, and was basically given the run around. In Illinois the guardian ad litem is supposed to interview the child and the foster parent at least once a year. I asked my new, inexperienced caseworker why there weren't any meetings with his GAL and she said "we don't do that here". It is Illinois law!

I'm starting to think about Subsidized Guardianship as an "end around" to get my grandson out of this system. It is common practice here to pull a child from a relative and send them to other placements who are willing to pay to adopt!

Please, if you have been in this situation, contact me. I'd like to know how much longer it will be before we can get out of the clutches of the state.

[Sierra]

Just wanted to wish you the best. Thanks for sharing your update.

[lauren]

Did some conditions get established about what your daughter and her bf have to accomplish or get into place? Was anything changed about visitation?

It sounds really frustrating. As others have said, it's rare for a judge to decide against a TPR once everything proceeds that far. I am curious as to the given reasons.

[illinoisgranny]

Update on TPR

I don't know any details why the judge did not terminate. I was never allowed into the hearing, only made to wait in the hall. I will be talking to the new caseworker Friday and hopefully I will find out more then.

Thanks everyone for your replies and encouragement! It means a lot to me.

[illinoisgranny]

One More note

I forgot to mention that the birth father signed surrender papers to me because he thought the judge was going to involuntarily terminate everyone. Now he has no standing, no visitation. This case is just totally nuts!

Also, does anyone here know whether the court will try another TPR hearing? I just hate not knowing what will happen now.