changing name?

[o2bamom]

New to forum.
We are working towards adopting a 1 year old in same home town with a very unique name. Does anyone have any suggestions about changing the name once adoption is finalized in 6-12 months yet starting to get the name recognized while still using given name either temporarily or moving it to the middle name.
Thanks

[sharqi]

i've read you can use both names with the child for a while, and then drop the one you are going to drop. only read it, though, no experience.

[Amazlilith]

We started using Bella's new name when we got her and she was 7 months old. The only exception to that is anything legal we used her birth name until we signed the actual adoption papers (she was fost/adopt). We are doing the same thing with the new baby.

[mamawanabe]

I always assumed that if I adopted a child (not baby) who was already named that I'd need to keep that name for the child's sense of continuous identity etc. Of course last name would change. Is this not what is suggested/common?

[Dakota's Mom]

We brought Dakota ahome when he was 5 1/2 months old. We had asked the foster mother to call him Dakota before that. But we don't know if she did or not. We just started using his name right away. His family name was Garcia and we kept that s his middle name. We went to court about 6 weeks after we brought him home and leglly changed his name.

Kathi

[BunnysMomma]

The question that always comes to my mind when changing a child's name is, are you changing it for the child's sake or for yours? Personally, I feel that a child's name is HIS name, and it's not within the rights of the adoptive parents to change it unless the child requests it. I know that my opinion is not very popular, but I do believe that children who are being adopted are losing a lot and experiencing overwhelming changes. Changing the child's concept of who he is is just another unnecessary stressor, especially for a toddler.

However, if you feel you must change his name, I would suggest using both names together for a while and then gradually dropping the one you won't be using anymore. That's a less abrupt and stressful change for the child.

Wilma

[sugarmoon]

ITA, Bunnysmomma. And yes, mamawanabe, that is the common advice. It is about identity. For very young kids, it can feel like a total loss and split from who they were before. For older kids, who may intellectually understand, it can still result in some weird psychological stuff w/ regard to identity formation, good/bad past/present self etc.

That said, there are sometimes good reasons to change a name, particularly if bio-family is violent/dangerous to the child or adoptive parents. Introducing the new name as a nickname, pairing the names, etc. and doing the change very gradually is the way to go, IME.

If I were going to change a kids name, I'd try to chose something with a similar sound to to the original name.

BTW, I highly reccomend the book _The Weavers Craft: A Guide to Toddler Adoption_ for anyone adopting a toddler. Has a lot of good advice, and also just helps parents understand and empathize w/ the *huge* loss and transition the kiddo is experiencing.

[Amazlilith]

I agree that changing a toddler or older child's name is a big thing. But I do not agree that it is the same with an infant at all. My children will know when they ask what their birthname is.