what do your 4 year olds do for themselves?

[Caittune]

I was just about to post a thread in gentle discipline about my morning breakfast battles with my dd about getting everyone's breakfast made and having to rush before the baby starts to fuss etc. I'm always tired in the morning because I'm not getting enough sleep. I usually try to get to bed early so I get a bit of rest before DH brings the baby to bed, but lately she's been up til 11pm and that means I am up too. Frankly I'm not a nice person in the morning...I'm working on that, but sometimes I am not super mom. I usually have to clean up DH's mess from making his lunch too before I can get in there. I asked him the other day if he could clean up...and in his opinion he does clean up. Though the cutting board, knife and butter knife are 9 times out of 10 left out...hrm that is starting to get ranty...so I'll stop. LOL

As I was typing it occurred to me that maybe I'm babying my 4 year old a bit too much by forcing myself to do the short order cook thing in the morning. She usually has a 1/4 of a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast and I get the bagel and spread the cream cheese for her. Would it be unreasonable for me to suggest she do some of it herself?

She's been working on setting the table and getting things out of the fridge. I don't know why it didn't occur to me to let her help more.

So yes, do your kids get their own breakfast stuff? Do they clean up messes? Is it a case of letting go of "perfectionism" IE thinking OMG it is going to make more work for me?

I'm not a morning person and this is quickly beginning to set a bad tone for the day when we have battles over her going "where is my breakfast" and me not wanting to be her slave...and then the temper tantrum when I get frustrated because she's being rude because she's still tired and is hungry etc...

I love it when we have muffins etc made because she'll grab one of those and some dried fruit and call it good. Maybe I need to work on making some big batches of muffins and keeping them in the freezer.

Do you let your kids use knives for cheese? That is one of her other favourite foods. Hm maybe a wire cheese cutter.

Any other ideas for age appropriate breakfast/meal responsibilities would be great. TY

[KMK_Mama]

I would start making things ahead of time for her to grab in the morning.

My son is 4 and I wouldn't allow him to spread cream cheese or make anything himself yet. My 8yo DD and 6 yo DD make breakfast in the morning for themselves and their brother. She started doing that kind of stuff by herself around the age of 6. They can make toast, bagels, PB&J, waffles, cereal, pour juice, etc..

IMO they just aren't ready at 4, not to mention the extra mess it would make for you. Even my older DD's spill stuff and I get annoyed. There is always jelly on my floor and table, spilled milk, crumbs in the butter, and they often forget to put the milk away. I can't imagine the mess a 4yo would make.

[Alyantavid]

My 4 year old is a bagel fiend. But no, I don't let him spread the cream cheese himself. He isn't allowed to do cereal and milk either. But he can get muffins or already cooked bacon or sausage. He can butter and syrup his own pancakes and waffles, but he uses ALOT so I do try to direct that.

Foodwise, I do most of it for him still. He gets his own water, sets the table, clears his own plate and helps me make almost everything.

[Sharlla]

i make all my 5 year olds food. he does put his dishes in the sink and throws away trash. i second preparing things in advance
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[honeybunmom]

We always prepare all meals for our 4.5 year old. She can get a juice pouch by herself and stick the straw in . . . that's about it; although she can cut veggies with a knife (when we are prepping to cook). But, I wouldn't task her with getting her own meal just yet. Especially since it always includes something cooked on the stove (eggs, grits or oatmeal). She can get most of the fruit herself (unless it's watermelon) and wash it and eat it.

[ThisCat]

I still prepare food for mine. She clears her plate and puts it on the counter, but that's about it. I just do easy things in the morning that don't require much prep since I'm barely awake.

[MJB]

My 4.5 yr. old is allowed and able to spread cream cheese on a bagel, make a PBJ, pour himself cereal and milk, or put oatmeal (and water) in the microwave. My 7 yr. old can make eggs and toast bread in the oven. So I pretty much never make them breakfast! Sometimes my husband makes pancakes, waffles, or muffins, but on school days they generally feed themselves (and dress themselves, put their dishes in the dishwasher, make their beds, feed the cats, get their shoes and backpacks on, etc). I'm *not* a morning person so it is important to me that they are independent.

[Flower of Bliss]

We have lots of things DD (3 y 10 mo) can self serve. She has two low shelves on the door of the fridge and a low drawer in the kitchen where we keep things she can get for herself. In the fridge its cheese sticks, crab sticks, fruit like berries and grapes (that I portion out in single servings), and drinkable yogurt. In the drawer its granola bars, fruit strips, etc. She can also reach the fruit bowl herself. This generally allows her to fix herself food while I'm occupied nursing her sister. I mostly let her self regulate. We do have general guidelines about only one yogurt, cheese stick, crab stick, etc a day, but they're more good rules of thumb than hard and fast limits.

For breakfast she generally drinks a yogurt and has some fruit. I let her eat at the train table in her bedroom while we're all getting ready for the day. Sometimes she gets it herself, and other times I grab it for her, but either way, there's no prep involved.

We love cheese too. When I start a block, I'll just slice it all up at once so it's easy for snacking later. You could even portion it out.

[limette]

I guess I'm the odd one out.

Although I usually do it, my dd (4) is quite capable of making breakfast (pb and jam, cereal, bagel+cream cheese, yogurt and fruit...etc) for herself and her younger sister but she's also responsible for cleaning up any mess she makes (wiping surfaces, loading dishwasher). Again, it's my job most of the time, but she requests to do it often.

[littlemizflava]

umm ds is 3.9y and he can get a bowl of cereal with or without milk on his own. he is able to get out bread and bagles. if he wants them toasted he can put them in the toaster and i will take it out. he will get what he wants to put on it and a knife. he is able to spread it himself. i do cut the bagels ahead of time and put them back in the bag. if he wants to eat some leftovers he will get them out, dish it up and i will heat it up. he is allowed to get drinks also.
really it "may" make a little more work while they are learning but this is not a given. with practice and time every child learns. my kids have been taught to clean up after themselves. i do find that i have less battles if i have them helping out. even if i am making something i ask for help. i can even ask my ds to get out the milk & eggs without worring about a mess.

as for making lunches make them the night before if you if not prep what you can the night before.

[Caittune]

Cool! So it looks like there are some of you who don't think I'm nuts. DD is quite "old" for her age. She loves to cook and do things for herself so she would likely be quite open to it. I am a little concerned regarding messes, but I also think it is good for kids to be able to be somewhat responsible. I think my biggest worry is that she will get upset if she spills things. I'll have to watch my reactions and keep it positive. I think we will start on weekends so there is DH to help/hold the baby etc.

We are moving in a week so I think I'll set up a kid friendly food cupboard in the new kitchen. My dad is building her a learning tower knockoff too so I won't be cringing wondering if she's going to fall.

I think I'm also going to start making up portions of things too. I usually go ahead and set up a juice and a couple of straw cups of water for the day but DD2 has been teething and uber clingy so all of this has been a challenge. I am trying to cut down on plastic so I'll just have to maybe get some stainless steel prep bowls for single servings.

[ThisCat]

Originally Posted by Caittune

My dad is building her a learning tower knockoff too so I won't be cringing wondering if she's going to fall.

We have a learning tower we've had since my daughter was one. While we do like it, it doesn't provide very good accessibility to the whole kitchen because my daughter can't move it herself. I does make a nice little station for her at the end of the counter, but she can't move it over to the sink or over to the fridge (we have a freezer on the bottom fridge so she can't reach much in the fridge) and so forth. I'd definitely suggest getting a little step stool in addition.

The only reason I don't have one is that I don't feel comfortable keeping one out for her to use with my toddler around. He is wild beyond belief. It's for that reason too that we keep most of the lower cabinets and drawers locked. If my daughter was an only or was the youngest or her brother was more chill like she was at that age, I think it would be easier to make things more accessible for her. I'm sure she's capable of doing more, it's just not very practical for us right now.

Anyway, it sounds like you have a good plan and some realistic expectations. Good luck with everything!

[BreatheMama]

Not to totally burst your bubble, but be prepared for messes and "MMMMOOOOMMMMM" I cant open it, oops, where is the... and the dog ate it.

I started allowing/encouraging my 4yr old dd to access and prepare simple foods like stated in pp. when baby dd was born. So yes rewarding and challenging for dd, and gave me a few extra minutes while nursing or taking care of the baby, but in the long run...I think more mess Yes she got some juice, but several other cups fell and the juice cap is on the floor and the dog is licking it. Oh well. For me it's worth it, I'll clean up later. Good luck.

[Caittune]

well atm we don't have a dog to add to the mix though we often dog sit for my inlaws. I think I'll start with me being there then progress. I had her pour juice this morning which went well. She was super excited to do it. I know if I wasn't right there it would have been a mess. It was a rare morning when the baby slept in. Those are awesome. I just wish I was able to get enough sleep that I could get up before the kids and get things sorted. Maybe I'll try and do some prep the night before

We have a stool from ikea too but it is too tall for her to actually work at the counter, so the learning tower will be helpful for that.

[elmh23]

At 4 my daughter could get out the cereal box from the pantry and pour her own bowl and a bowl for her brother. If the milk was getting low, she'd be able to pour it but with a full gallon, she couldn't. We usually have single serve yogurts and she could easily get it at and most of the time, open it.

She's now 5.5 and we're on a really strict diet due to issues with my son, so cereal and milk and flavored yogurt are out. Now she gets a string cheese or piece of fruit by herself to tide her over until dh or I make eggs or almond flour pancakes. She can open her own string cheese now (a year ago she couldn't) and opens one for her brother.

[Grace and Granola]

My ds will be 5 in august, but it was right after he turned 4 that I started allowing him more responsibility with his food. His confidence soared when we both realized he could pour a cup of milk, make a sandwich , make toast. It was pretty awesome. I like your idea of making a kid friendly set up in your new house. All of our things are accessible to ds and a I gave him some simple rules for the more "dangerous" tasks. Like he knows which knives he's allowed to use and for the toaster, I tell him when it pops up, he needs to count to 30 and then he can lift the lever and remove the toast. He does it every time, it's just a rule! And with cleanup, I expect him to put everything away when he's done, but I don't care if there's toast dust on the counter because that's where he buttered it. no biggie to me.

all that said, I usually make the breakfast! I also have a 3yo, who would not be patient enough for his brother to make his breakfast for him. It's easier just for me to do it because the morning food is so important for their mood. But other times of the day, I'm fine with 4yo making some food.

[leighi123]

My ds is almost 3 and he has been spreading stuff on toast/bread for a while now. In his cupboard he has plates, a jar of peanut butter, crackers and a kids metal knife (not sharp and easy to handle, you could also use a spreader which looks like a flattened down spoon).

For breakfast, ds is like me and not a big breakfast person, so usually we just do fruit or coconut milk yogart.

[Dreaming]

If you think she's capable, go for it!
My 4 year old isn't ready yet, but I do give him little jobs while I'm prepping. My 6 year old is working in the direction of taking care of her own food prep, but she prefers me to do it.

[That Mom]

As far as the milk/juice spilling goes, I have found that a smaller pitcher that I pour milk or juice in so they can pour themselves might take up extra room in the fridge but are much easier for little hands to handle than a full gallon. In a pinch, a glass cup measurer works.

[Caittune]

Good idea about the smaller pitchers. I think we could do that.