DH's exwife won't give over court ordered custody - Page 2

[Lexibaby]

I just wrote a big huge response and it didn't show up. I write it again tomorrow. TIRED!

[luv-my-boys]

tummy gave you some good advice. I would also have your lawyer write up a general letter requesting the addressee to contact their office with any information (phone # or address) of the mom or have her contact said lawyer. Send certified mail, they should be sent to people who may have general contact with her such as her family or friends. Again anothr piece to show that your DH has attempted locating her, a newspaper ad in the classifieds would also be helpful. Again you probably wont get any leads but at least you can show proof that during this time you have actively been searching for her.

Have you guys tried sending something certified adddress correction requested to see if you get any leads from her having her mail forwarded?

[Lolagirl]

I have no experience with custody issues, but I have had some experience with finding people who don't want to be found. I would encourage your husband to find a local private investigator to run what's called a skip trace to locate his ex. Skip traces generally don't cost more than a couple hundred dollars and are usually a very effective way to locate people. Once you have a fresh lead on here whereabouts your husband can use that address to send her paperwork via registered mail and to gain access to his son.

Of course if you've already tried this approach than feel free to disregard.

Good luck.

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

Every week you call the police at her house. Get the time, date, officer/phone operator's number. You might want to do some prep work with the sheriff.

Actually, you should be careful doing that. I'm sure the police have already explained to you that they're not authorized to enforce a civil order on behalf of the NCP. So you can't claim to be unaware of the fact that calling them to the ex's house will accomplish nothing. But you ARE aware that weekly police involvement would be upsetting to the child. So, later, when you're all in court or with a custodial evaluator discussing how much time the child should spend with whom, the ex could make a very good point that you guys were willing to upset the child just to harass her with the police, even though you knew it wouldn't accomplish anything.

My husband dealt with this dilemma and the police ended up advising him to call the dispatch # each time he tried to pick up his child and simply report that he was there, ready to pick up his child, but that his ex and the child were not there or she refused to let him take the child, so he was going to leave. Then there's a recorded phone call, with a date and time. You can request a copy of that recording (which usually comes with a written record of the call, on police letterhead). Potentially, the recording could be played in court or for a custodial evaluator. But dispatch did not actually send anyone out, because they couldn't do anything. Then the child wasn't traumatized for no reason.

On a larger scale: Check the laws where you live. Here, our "custodial interference" (parental kidnapping) law is worded in a completely egalitarian way. A NCP who refuses to return the child at the end of court-ordered visitation commits custodial interference. But a CP who refuses to surrender the child to the NCP for court-ordered visitation ALSO commits it. ON PAPER, the CP is just as susceptible to arrest and prosecution as the NCP. IN PRACTICE, absolutely no police officer will arrest a CP for this and absolutely no prosecutor will press charges against a CP for this. That is hard and fast policy and there is no deviation. Ever. Of course, law enforcement and an elected prosecutor are not supposed to be able to change the law by selectively deciding which laws will and and won't be enforced. But such practices don't change unless somebody acts as the squeaky wheel. Find out if this is also the case in your community. I can't say I've been successful changing anything here YET. But my husband and I have been noisy about it...and we're about to get a new prosecutor...

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot

This (showing up for visitation) might be a little difficult, given the fact that they do not know where the mom lives.

Good point. I kind of got carried away and forgot that detail.

If, by any luck, the visitation order instructs your husband to pick up his child at some neutral location, go there like clockwork even if you know she won't show up with the kid.

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by Lexibaby

I just wrote a big huge response and it didn't show up. I write it again tomorrow. TIRED!

Obviously, I'm long-winded. On this site, you have a limited window of time between hitting "Reply" and being able to "Submit Reply". If you wait too long, it's all lost. So whenever you write a long post, before clicking "Submit Reply", highlight the entire thing and "Copy" it. Then if it gets lost, you can log back in, go back to "Reply to Thread", hit "Paste" and put it all back.

[Lexibaby]

Ok, so to try this again and try to answer some of the missing story pieces.
The ex puts DSS in daycare 3 days a week. My husband works at night. She never once gave him the chance to care for his son during those 3 days a week. She claims that my husband leaves DSS alone with me ALL the time which isn't true. He works at 8pm and dss goes to bed at 9:30, a whole hour and a half! She has no pronlem leaving her son alone with her husband for hours on end. We refused to sign the ROFR because of course it was one sided, written by HER.
I have a very special bond with my husband and step son and she, although claims to be very happy with her new husband (who she cheated on my husband with... oh, and it was his best friend and best man at their wedding, lovely, huh?) anyway, my dss calls me Mommy and we promptly correct him because I know my place. She feels I don't because I treat him no less than my own so she gets really upset that he love me and his dad so much. It's a messy situation with more to it. Bottom line she is only doing this to punish us and not thinking about whats best for my dss.

[LittleBlessings]

Originally Posted by Lexibaby

We have called the police and they said its a Civil matter in which they won't get involved in.

It's so frustrating because they set in place these rules and if noone will enforce them, why even have them? We filed a contempt of court against her but they court date isn't for another month.

this has also happened to us