Older Toddlers and Transitions...

[Juvysen]

Hi. I've recently realized that my not quite three-year-old (he'll turn 3 next month) has been having some serious difficulties with transitions to anything that's not or "normal" or "every day at a certain time" kind of thing. That is... he does fine (usually) transitioning to dinner or bedtime, but since I'm a SAHM and we have sort of a relaxed kind of schedule, he gets dressed at a different time every day. Pottying is a similar issue, he can do it, sometimes he does, but he can't transition himself from what he's doing to the potty without a big screaming fit (so he's been in diapers a lot lately). Getting dressed for an appointment is a HUGE issue. Going someplace (even after getting dressed) is a huge issue. He has a great time once we get there, but it's insane trying to get him in the car. Things I've tried:

- warning him multiple times before it's time. This works sometimes, but usually not.

- giving him some control over *how* it happens - letting him pick the shirt. Letting him pick which potty we go to. Letting him pick if he wants a diaper or underwear. I tend to give him limited choice because it's harder for him to just give me a big ol' straight-up "no!" and it's less overwhelming to him, but often it doesn't work anyway

- just giving up and staying in Uh... he does better when we DO go out (less fighting with his sister), so it's better for us to go out...

- force Yeah, not thrilled with that one, and it pretty much only happens if there's an appointment or something we *have* to get to... or if he's having a *really* hard day with fighting with his sister and I know they'll all be happier if we leave. It's not often... but he's often in his pajamas until around 4 because i don't push him too hard... I do force him to get his diaper changed, though, because ew.

Yeah. I'm at my wit's end. Keep in mind that I have a 3 month old (who is afraid when Ds1 screetches like he does - luckily DD is good about talking to and comforting Ds2 when I'm trying to talk down Ds1) and a 4 yr old as well as the not-quite-three-yr-old, so I'm not really sure how to go about doing a lot of more hands-on methods (I've been reading "playful parenting") while I'm holding the baby, too.

Looking forward to hearing your ideas!

[mom2grrls]

Can he understand a calendar or daily schedule of events? maybe not with words but pictures? perhaps he would do better if he was told what would happen at what time if you have errands to run or an app't to go to.

[Juvysen]

He hasn't been interested in my showing him abut calenders. He pretty much ignores me unless he needs me, lately. *sigh*

[~Denise~]

Yeah, any advice would benefit me too!!

My 3.5 year old is sending me over the edge!! Same thing. In fact, yesterday evening, parenting crossed the line from "I still have a sense of humour about this" to "I hate being a parent". (Back to good today though.)

We use calendars for some things (like when Daddy will be gone on a work trip), but that doesn't help the fundamental problems like not wanting to go to daycare, then not wanting to leave daycare, not wanting to stop and go potty, not wanting to change into clothes for the day or jammies at bedtime, not wanting to ..... And we use pretty much the exact same strategies as the OP.

[chicoandthemama]

My DS will be 3 in January. A couple months ago I started using my watch to help with the transitions. It has numbers on the face that he can identify, and he seems really into those and the moving hands. (It may have helped that we have had a wooden clock toy as long as he can remember). So i will let him know that we have to go somewhere, or do something in a while, and he'll usually respond "few more minutes, mama". Then I show him the watch, we find which number the big hand is on, and I tell him we will make our transition when the big hand is on whichever next number I choose based on my schedule. When it's time, it helps a lot that we have the clock to follow, not my rules. And the added bonus of him learning time, etc...
If he still protests, then I remind him we agreed about which number we chose, and then start on "do you want to bring x or y, do you want to come on your own or would you like me to do it for you?...". So far it has eased most transitions. I think he'll be getting his own watch for Xmas or upcoming birthday

[Rlin]

I use the clock as well to tell DS (2 1/4) that it is time to do xyz. When we need to get somewhere in time, there is usually someone waiting for us (music class teacher, dr, etc), so I tell him that as well. When we have to catch the bus, I tell him we cannot do things slowly, we need to hurry a bit, because the bus won't wait forus. Things like this seem to work for him.

[mama2cal&darby]

I found with DS1 that having a very strong routine helped ALOT. It's hard for me because it is not at all how I naturally work. I am very much a go-with-the-flow kind of person, however I really do believe that small children thrive on routine. Some mornings I had nothing to do outside of the house, but would come up with something simply because our routine dictated we were out in the morning and in for the afternoon.
I also had visual cues for him. I made charts with pictures of what we would do and in what order. I broke it down into morning, afternoon and evening. I think it was very reasuring to my DS to be be able to look at the chart at any time and be able tpo see what was going to happen next. My son had pretty major transitional problems and these things helped significantly.