Trying so hard

[mamahart]

to cope with umpteen things in my life. I started meds about 2 weeks ago, celexa and elavil (for sleep) and still xanax for moments of extreme anxiety. I am a mess. I seriously want to curl up in a ball in bed all the time. We are in dire financial straits and looking at an essential relocation which makes me so sad even though I know it is for the best.
I have been in a little cabin in the woods for 5 years with my kids, our chickens and garden and endless wilderness and wildlife. Now we are moving to a city, Bellingham WA, which is incredibly exciting and frankly, essential to my kids educational well being. Years of homeschooling and different approaches to dealing with rural living have not really been super successful.
However, 2 weeks into the meds and I am still a bit of a wreck. I am definitley calmer. I find the elavil at night with celexa in the morning is much better than just celexa. but I am so dissappointed in myself right now. I am just severely lazy in the worst way.
MY dad died 7 weeks ago and that kicked my ass and I have been even more out of it since then...I just want to feel like my old kick-ass confident do anything laugh all the time self. Can it ever happen? Will I ever be me again?
I am struggling every moment of every day-except when I sleep which is all I really ever want to do....this cannot be a good sign.
I don't know what I need or want, just reassurance that someday somehow things will turn around and I will be the awesome mama and wife I used to be.
Thank you for reading.

[doulawoman]

so sorry it's so rough right now mama. I would say it's no wonder you're feeling the way you are...and when things are situational you will hopefully begin to feel better as the situation/improoves/stabalizes. Do you have good support?It sounds like grief is really weighing on you and moving in itself is considered a top stressor...I really hope you are able to get support -friends, family therapist etc. don't suffer alone

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Part of what you are experiencing is probably adjustment to Elavil, which can be remarkably sedating and although you might wake with feelings of well-being, your body is still pretty tired and nothing sounds very interesting right now except more sleep.

Give it time.

Yes you will be your old self again, only a stronger, more resilient self... hang in there.

I live in Bellingham, I'll bet you'll like it here. There's much support for homeschoolers and natural family living and getting out of doors and such.