Just checking in....

[Thandiwe]

Hello, everyone! I have pretty much fallen off the face of the earth since my little one's birth in February, followed shortly thereafter with us disconnecting the home phone and therefore internet. We are simplifying for many reasons, and the net was one of many things to go. I'm past the withdrawal phase now, but it stinks not being able to follow everyone's stories.

Not much new for us. Baby just turned two this month, so we will be approaching two years in care next month. Visits are still supervised, back to one hour in agency visits. Two petitions denied. But...still waiting. No progress, no end. There are substantial issues in the case, but the other lawyer gets in and attacks the case and without representation for the state during hearings, it all falls apart. It's nuts. I pray some day to be done with all this mess, and have permanency for a little one who deserves respect and dignity and love and a future not straddled with the state hovering nearby. It's sad.

So, just saying hello. I wish I could be on here more; maybe one day. I hope you all are doing well; I think of so many of you often. ((hugs))

[Sierra]

I think about you all the time. Wishing you and your family a good summer. I haven't been able to be on much myself in the last several months.

[queenjane]

I'm still so surprised they havent filed for termination yet (at that point the state would at least have a lawyer right??)...still thinking about you....hang in there!!!

[edithmarie]

Thinking about you,too!
I hope everything turns out fine pretty soon!

[tiffani]

thinking of you frequently, thandiwe, hoping for resolution for your family soon.

[IncompetentHousewife]

I'm also thinking of you all the time and wishing your LO could get the permenancy she needs. Hugs!

[lauren]

Hugs and best wishes. I hope you can get through this soon.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by queenjane

I'm still so surprised they havent filed for termination yet (at that point the state would at least have a lawyer right??)...still thinking about you....hang in there!!!

No, no, the state HAS filed a petition for termination - TWICE! Neither time was a lawyer present, and both times the petition was attacked, chewed up, and spit back out - rejected. I'm sorry, "Accepted for informational purposes only." Yet, there's no advancements, no change, and regression in living circumstances. I guess next time a petition is entered, of course provided substantial change hasn't happened, a judge demand will be called to go above the head of the case in court. It's really crummy, because baby is stuck.

Thank you all for the kind words. ((hugs))

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by Thandiwe

No, no, the state HAS filed a petition for termination - TWICE! Neither time was a lawyer present, and both times the petition was attacked, chewed up, and spit back out - rejected. I'm sorry, "Accepted for informational purposes only." Yet, there's no advancements, no change, and regression in living circumstances. I guess next time a petition is entered, of course provided substantial change hasn't happened, a judge demand will be called to go above the head of the case in court. It's really crummy, because baby is stuck.

Thank you all for the kind words. ((hugs))

My adoption worker was out talking to us today, and she said that things are now different here, that it used to be they'd give the parents all sorts of time...now the rule is, one year in care and if there isnt much effort on the parents part, they terminate. I really hope that has trickled down to your court system! Its just ridiculous. Any way they can get it moved to a different judge??

[illinoisgranny]

I feel your pain

Hi,

I know how you feel. I have had my grandson for 20 months. We finally got to a TPR hearing on 6/24/2010 and the judge denied it. I am swimming in grief, and so sick of the visits and lack of privacy.

I also wonder how long it will take for my grandson to have the permanency he deserves. It seems like judges pretty much do what they want, even with the laws in place for quicker resolution. Courts are slow enough as it is, and case plans take a while to work. It seems to me that when a case gets to TPR it is about time for things to end.

I hope this case has a happy ending for you. I'm starting to wonder what the average REAL time in care is for our area.

It helps to have other people to vent with and to, but by golly, why doesn't this system move along better????

I'm personally fed up.


Theresa

became relative foster caregiver 11/4/2008
TPR denied 6/24/2010

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by queenjane

Any way they can get it moved to a different judge??

I have asked a million times. Answer is no.

Originally Posted by illinoisgranny

I also wonder how long it will take for my grandson to have the permanency he deserves. It seems like judges pretty much do what they want, even with the laws in place for quicker resolution. Courts are slow enough as it is, and case plans take a while to work. It seems to me that when a case gets to TPR it is about time for things to end.

I know exactly how you feel. I just keep telling myself that for this moment in time, this pocket in her life, I can provide that permanency and structure. And for every day she's here, that's just one MORE day of permanency and structure and positive growth, getting her that much more older and more independent. Each day gives her a greater skill set to survive on if the unthinkable happens and she's ordered home (until the next removal). I don't like thinking about it, but I thank God every day that she was able to get through the clingy, colicky, crabby early months of her life where she screamed for hours on end in a SAFE home where her needs were met. At least she isn't an infant anymore. And the first three years of life are so developmentally important, I thank God every day a normal family life is what is imprinted there during that time. Hopefully, we will be blessed enough to adopt her, but until that time, I'm trying to teach myself to enjoy each moment and help her grow now.

I'm so sorry you're going through this; my heart breaks for anyone else who suffers because of a very, very slow justice system.

[illinoisgranny]

Thanks for your reply. You have a very grounded and wonderful point of view. I am doing the same thing with my grandson. It won't be long until he'll have been with me longer than he was with his mom, and I took care of him every day the first nine months of his life, too. I know the courts have their own time schedules and judges have their own opinions and it hurts to have to remain in what seems like a nearly broken system here in Illinois. I too have given my grandson stablity and a place he could at least temporarily call home. Now he can talk, and if he's ever hurt again, he'll be able to tell someone what happened. When I took him home from the hospital with those huge bruises on his eyes I never knew I'd still be waiting 20 months later, but he has a home with me as long as he needs it. I think I need the permanency as much as he does.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by illinoisgranny

I think I need the permanency as much as he does.

Amen to that! As one of our social workers has put it (we have two actively on the case since we have cross-state), we have moved over 100 miles, had another baby, and the "baby" in care has begun to grow up. We all need some permanency here.

[IncompetentHousewife]

This is such a travesty. I can't believe no attorney has even been present. What a mess. And like others have said, this isn't a court docket. This is a child!

I wonder if anyone has ever had luck getting a politician involved, maybe a representative or something. I'd consider yours to be an extreme case going on 2 years and in election years politicians like to use their influence to affect change on things that matter to voters, like children. Just thinking out loud.

Anyway, I think about you often and pray for the resolution your little one deserves.

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by SueSB

I wonder if anyone has ever had luck getting a politician involved, maybe a representative or something.

It could work, and I am sure it is worth it when it does, but it is also a risky move. My daughter had a foster parent, prior to her placement with us, who sought political help for a different type of situation. It infuriated the social worker, who felt like she was being questioned in her job, and it contributed to the placement being ended VERY abruptly.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by Sierra

It could work, and I am sure it is worth it when it does, but it is also a risky move. My daughter had a foster parent, prior to her placement with us, who sought political help for a different type of situation. It infuriated the social worker, who felt like she was being questioned in her job, and it contributed to the placement being ended VERY abruptly.

Another issue is that while political support may pressure a judge to take this more seriously and possibly TPR...in MI, unlike most states, there is only ONE person (the "MCI guardian") in the entire state who decides adoption decisions. Literally, you piss this guy off, you dont get the kid. There is really no recourse...from an article i read, there is an appeals process but the judges in charge of that pretty much have their hands tied. If the OP has any hope of adopting (if TPR goes through), she has to tread pretty lightly.

My friend is going through a pretty awful situation with her pre-adopt kids, they even disclosed physical discipline in the FH and not only was nothing done, she was "punished" by not being allowed to see the children for a period of time. She needs to have the agency recommend her to MCI to adopt, and even then, the MCI guardian could simply decide "no, not the right family"...usually, everything is fine, but its a fine line to toe.

I think if the OP were in my county this would be a slam dunk for TPR. My adoption worker told me they "arent playing around any more"....child is in care 12 months, they go for TPR, period unless there is some huge progress by the parent. My kids parents did pretty much everything they were supposed to in terms of therapy, visits, classes, setting up housing, etc....TPR still went through.

[Polliwog]

I just looked up the MCI guardian thing. It seems like such a strange way to do things. They established the program in 1935. You'd think things would have be handled differently since then.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by SueSB

I wonder if anyone has ever had luck getting a politician involved, maybe a representative or something.

I have contacted the Ombudsman in our state, but they won't get involved because they are a check-point for the agency, but we don't really have an issue with the agency anymore. They have petitioned twice. It's on the judicial side. They won't even get involved with the GAL. All they recommended were actions I've already taken - that backfired on me - to draw attention to the GAL.

My midwife has adopted 6 kids from foster care and recommended one of the advocacy groups or a lawyer. But you walk a fine line because then you are breeching confidentiality and could lose placement, a risk I just can't take. At least with my involvement with mom I can stay in baby's life if she returns home until the next removal. Praying it never happens, but keeping my ducks lined up in case.

Originally Posted by Sierra

It could work, and I am sure it is worth it when it does, but it is also a risky move. My daughter had a foster parent, prior to her placement with us, who sought political help for a different type of situation. It infuriated the social worker, who felt like she was being questioned in her job, and it contributed to the placement being ended VERY abruptly.

This is exactly what I fear... I know when I have gone to the social worker's supervisor in the past, I was "punished" by the social worker with petty junk for a long time. We've FINALLY gotten past that. I need them on my side, so I try other ways of resolving stuff these days.

Originally Posted by queenjane

I think if the OP were in my county this would be a slam dunk for TPR. My adoption worker told me they "arent playing around any more"....child is in care 12 months, they go for TPR, period unless there is some huge progress by the parent. My kids parents did pretty much everything they were supposed to in terms of therapy, visits, classes, setting up housing, etc....TPR still went through.

Um, yeah. Even our SW, who has friends in the agency in your county, agrees. She has said the exact same thing several times. Sadly, she also believes with a different referee it would be different. Our ref was sick one day, so we had an alternate, and she was a tiger! She attacked this case and set the next hearing for perm plan and threatened that the courts would tpr next hearing. Of course, she wasn't our regular so when we went before our regular next time, he halted her moves. Blech.

I just had a nightmare last night that, for someone unknown to me reason, we had to relinquish little one to another foster home. We started finding out that she was being mistreated, so I tried getting her back. In the nightmare, I was told I was out of luck, that all my standing is gone and I just have to deal with it. I guess the anxiety of losing her is getting to me.

[IncompetentHousewife]

Originally Posted by Thandiwe

In the nightmare, I was told I was out of luck, that all my standing is gone and I just have to deal with it. I guess the anxiety of losing her is getting to me.

I bet it is, and I'm so sorry. My sister who also fosters said she has this thought of a big dark van pulling up and whisking the kids away. It's a scary situation all around. When other people say, "Oh, you're such a saint, I could never foster," maybe this is the part they really mean.