Do you have a will? If so, how did you decide who to leave your kids to? - Page 2

[mamazee]

In my case it's the least crazy/addicted/toxic person. Really there was only one acceptable choice, dh's sister.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by velochic

Interesting. It's legally binding in the US. (Well, let me put it this way, that's what our attorney said.)

In Ontario once the parents are dead the first responsibility of the judge is to the child(ren), not to the adults in the situation, including the will. Either kind of situation causes its own set of issues I'm sure, but it's good to know the law where you are.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by mtiger

Just remember, folks - you can't *actually* will your children. All your will is doing wrt their custody should something happen to you is indicating your wishes. Any family member with standing will have the right to file for custody - and is more likely to win than a stranger - despite your wishes.

This is not what our lawyer told us. We have enclosed some letters signed with witness and notarized explaining how we came to the non-family choices we made for our children's guardians. Given all that... a judge would have to be pretty horrible to disobey our wishes in the matter. Because, unfortunately.. we have some family members who could try to get the kids just for the insurance money they would inherit.

[greenmansions]

We still have not done wills or guardianship. I guess we have our heads in the sand. We have a verbal agreement - that all family members on both sides are aware of - that my sister and her husband would get our kids, as they are most likely to raise them as we would like, and at that time none of DH's siblings were in any position to take them. That has changed as his youngest sister is now married and TTC, and I fear DH would prefer the kids go to her, but I do not feel that way. They are very mainstream in all their ideas about child-rearing and education. So I have not brought it up. Lame, I know, as it should get hashed out.

DH also is in denial thinking that we don't need an attorney to help us write everything out, and I think we should have one. The net result is that we don't have anything formalized.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by greenmansions

We still have not done wills or guardianship. I guess we have our heads in the sand. We have a verbal agreement - that all family members on both sides are aware of - that my sister and her husband would get our kids, as they are most likely to raise them as we would like, and at that time none of DH's siblings were in any position to take them. That has changed as his youngest sister is now married and TTC, and I fear DH would prefer the kids go to her, but I do not feel that way. They are very mainstream in all their ideas about child-rearing and education. So I have not brought it up. Lame, I know, as it should get hashed out.

DH also is in denial thinking that we don't need an attorney to help us write everything out, and I think we should have one. The net result is that we don't have anything formalized.

Yes, its tough to shell out the dough for something that "might" happen. But, we have life insurance too... YKWIM?

There is an MDC mom here somewhere who did have the worst happen.. her parents died with no will, the courts dealt her and her siblings in an offhand and uncaring manner... she felt horribly bitter.

So yeah, hash it out. Get it formalized. Feelings may be hurt but your children will be protected should the unthinkable happen.

I keep my will up to date and as iron clad as the lawyer can make it. Now that hubby and I travel that one week a year the kids go to camp.. I feel like I need to have my bases covered.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by velochic

Interesting. It's legally binding in the US. (Well, let me put it this way, that's what our attorney said.)

That's not what our attorney told us. Hence the letters to the judge. According to our attorney, the decision is up to the judge, and all we can do about it is make our wishes known. Ultimately, the judge is going to determine if that's in the best interests of the child. And if there's family members willing to go to court to fight it out, well, it could be a protracted battle. This is why our guardian appointee has been warned and the trustee of our estate (handling the money) will have the ability to pay her lawyer fees.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by cristeen

That's not what our attorney told us. Hence the letters to the judge. According to our attorney, the decision is up to the judge, and all we can do about it is make our wishes known. Ultimately, the judge is going to determine if that's in the best interests of the child. And if there's family members willing to go to court to fight it out, well, it could be a protracted battle. This is why our guardian appointee has been warned and the trustee of our estate (handling the money) will have the ability to pay her lawyer fees.

The only way a judge would go against the will is if, say, you designated your parents and in the interim they have become extremely ill or if you designate your sister and she's in jail or some such dire case. That's what I was told, anyway. I will call my cousin (the attorney who is our executor/trustee/designated guardian) and confirm with the attorney that did our wills. I remember specifically asking this question to both of them because of my sisters. I suppose if you really think about it, nothing is bullet-proof legally binding... otherwise we wouldn't have a Supreme Court.

[heatherdeg]

OP: We're in the process of redoing our will and guardianship now as we relocate to a different state (apparently they have different rules for number of witnesses, etc.?) It's time, anyway, as our old will points to my brother (which we already weren't really comfortable with) and we no longer speak (going on 3 years).

Like a lot of the pps, we're looking at people who will obviously respect our parenting style and live in as close to a manner as we do with as close to the same values as we have. We are definitely looking outside of the family. I honestly can't fathom either of my parents passing a psych eval (if my mother could remain sober long enough to get to one) and dh's parents are absoLUTEly out of the question. If only because of their health issues.

We have/had two sets of friends in mind and felt VERY funny about asking either of them... until one of those couples actually asked US to care for their children if ever the need should arise. We've agreed to, and we're hoping they don't think that we're going to ask them just because they asked us (or feel obligated just because we said "yes"). So we're in limbo at the moment.

It just sucks.

At one point, we seriously considered leaving the decision to VERY close friends that did not want children--but that knew our families and histories and how we lived well enough to know what would be best for our children at the time. We've since changed our minds about that because it really gets complicated.

[intrepidmother]

We chose my sister and BIL. They have the most similar style of parenting to us and we can trust them explicitly to take excellent care of our DD. We are not concerned about whether they are financially secure b/c Dh and I both have life insurance and if something does happen, DD will have money. With that said, our trustee is my MIL who will give money to my sister for the care of my DD.

Without the will, our families would have to go to court to get custody of DD. There is no way that I feel comfortable having a judge decide (not to mention the cost to my family).

It's a tough decision, but they aren't that expensive (we got the will, personal directive and medical) for $450. Totally worth the peace of mind!