MIL making DD call her "Mom"**UGLY UPDATE POST 65** - Page 3

[CherryBombMama]

didnt read all the replies, but i live with my in laws, and my MIL does the same thing. ds cant talk yet though, so she refers to herself as "mama" refers to FIL as "papi" and calls ds "her baby."

ive figured out there is no way to MAKE her stop, but i can rain on her parade every time she says those things by happily reminding her that I AM HIS MAMA, my dh is his papi, and he is MY BABY. i say something every single time just to watch her evil smile fade away.

example -

MIL to my ds, "come here, my baby, let mama pick you up."
Me, "um, your baby is away at work right now, and I am his mama, thankyouverymuch." *smirk*

it always ruins her day but she honestly does it on purpose

[Earthy Mama]

Originally Posted by CherryBombMama

didnt read all the replies, but i live with my in laws, and my MIL does the same thing. ds cant talk yet though, so she refers to herself as "mama" refers to FIL as "papi" and calls ds "her baby."

ive figured out there is no way to MAKE her stop, but i can rain on her parade every time she says those things by happily reminding her that I AM HIS MAMA, my dh is his papi, and he is MY BABY. i say something every single time just to watch her evil smile fade away.

example -

MIL to my ds, "come here, my baby, let mama pick you up."
Me, "um, your baby is away at work right now, and I am his mama, thankyouverymuch." *smirk*

it always ruins her day but she honestly does it on purpose

why why why would she do that?? It just blows my mind.

Completely off topic (but kind of similar) my ex-MIL and I are still close. I am remarried and am expecting. She tells me that she can't wait to meet her new grandchild. Uh? what? And wants to take him/her with her when she takes my other two to visit their father!!!

[MaerynPearl]

My kids call my mother Mammaw and my MIL Nana... neither for the lack of wanting to be called grandma but that they are just more special names for the same thing.

It REALLY helps too, since if MIL was Gramma Sheryl... they would have Gramma Sheryl and Gramma Cheryl (my step-mother who does not get a special name as shes never been very nice to me or my children...)

all of their grandpas are Poppa.

[philomom]

I think that is overstepping the boundaries pretty badly.. I'd make her stop. Not to mention it may confuse your child.

[Bellabaz]

I have read about this a few times on here. It is one of the weirdest things I have heard of and frankly, quite creepy. I have no advice just a hug and i hope you find a solution. Young or not, you and your partner deserve respect.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Bellabaz

I have read about this a few times on here. It is one of the weirdest things I have heard of and frankly, quite creepy.

Agreed.

I find this whole "I'm too young to be a grandma" thing to be totally screwed up. If you have a child at an earlier than usual age, you have a better-than-average chance of having a (or more than one) grandchild at an earlier than usual age. That's just a biological reality.

I just can't wrap my brain around it. I have a 16 year gap between my oldest and my youngest...and one of my oldest's classmates had a baby last week. I could easily be a grandmother while I still have a child in diapers. I honestly don't think that's likely to happen, honestly, but if it does, it won't bother me in the least. Deciding I'm "too young" to be a grandma when I am a grandma is...kind of whacky. "Grandma" is a label for a particular biological (usually) relationship and putting a different label on it doesn't change the biology.

[Kelly1101]

Yeah, I think the "too young to be a grandma" thing is funny, too. I'm glad that my mom, although relatively young (mid-40's) has no problem with it. Her SIL even asked "So what are you going to be called?" when I had my first last year-- Mom just blinked at her and said "Grandma."

[pauletoy]

I would put a stop to that now! It is just so disrespectful especially if you and your dh have asked her to stop.

[DoulaVallere]

Wow, I would be LIVID. My MIL feels like she's too young to be a grandma, too...um...she was like 50 when my eldest was born. Anyway, she does NOT like grandma, so she picked Mimi. I thought it was kinda a dumb reason to pick a name, but oh well...the biggest issue we have with it is that I have a good friend whose NAME is Mimi and if I talk about us going to her house to play with her kids, my kids think that means they are going to my MIL's house. So even that is very confusing!

But if she tried to have my kids call her mom or mama, WW3 would begin.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by CherryBombMama

didnt read all the replies, but i live with my in laws, and my MIL does the same thing. ds cant talk yet though, so she refers to herself as "mama" refers to FIL as "papi" and calls ds "her baby."

ive figured out there is no way to MAKE her stop, but i can rain on her parade every time she says those things by happily reminding her that I AM HIS MAMA, my dh is his papi, and he is MY BABY. i say something every single time just to watch her evil smile fade away.

example -

MIL to my ds, "come here, my baby, let mama pick you up."
Me, "um, your baby is away at work right now, and I am his mama, thankyouverymuch." *smirk*

it always ruins her day but she honestly does it on purpose

I love how you deal with your MIL

To the OP, I don't think living in her home is an excuse for her to be disrespectful or to overstep her boundaries. She needs to hear firmly from you and her son that she is nottotell her grandchild to call her mom. She isn't her mother. Period. If she continues, I would cease allowing my child to spend time alone with her. Hopefully you can move out soon and be away from her.

[WindyCityMom]

Thank you everyone! newmommy7-08 & limabean.. very good posts. Thanks to everyone

My father (no longer in the picture) is 60yo. When DD1 was born, my younger half siblings were 2 and 4- and my father was totally okay with being called grandpapa, even though he had two very young ones himself.

I'm going to keep holding my position on this and hope that things get better.

[bluebirdiemama]

Originally Posted by A&A

Tell your MIL she can't spend any "alone" time with DD if she is going to continue doing this. And mean it. Your dh should tell her this, as well.

Agreed. If this doesn't help I would inform her that you and your dh will be finding a new place to live, if she can't respect the fact that YOU are the mother, and not her.
I hope whatever you do, this situation improves for you. As pp-ers have I said, I do not think this is acceptable either. At all.

[lilyka]

I think mama definitely crosses a line. However if she does not want to be grandma I think your hsould respect that. but I would ask her to come up with something else (and maybe brainstorm with her) that sheis comfortable with. Something that is not a "mom" word. I think Papi is just fine. My grandpa was Pa and my kids grandpa is Papa. Id you husbvand goes by something disticyively different I don't see what the problem is.

anyway, I think it will help if you can help her find a name she can embrace. She clearly hates grandma and her grandchild calling her by her first name won't do at all. Thats just sad. Really I think it is between the two of them what they call each other and not really our place as mothers to dictate. So long as they don't go around expecting to be called the same thing as us. and I think mom and mama are just to close.

Some unusual things people i know have called their young grandmas: Honey (I think this is so cute), mommom, two mama (this was actually my great grandmas because someone was explaining to my then two year old cousin its her mom's mom. and she exlaimed "two mamas?" ) nana, Bebe, really any term of endearment will work.

[rightkindofme]

This isn't very nice of me, but I strongly dislike my partners parents so I religiously refer to them as Grandmother and Grandfather _Last Name_. They are not being encouraged to have a close relationship because they are crazy. The formality is a buzzkill.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

This isn't very nice of me, but I strongly dislike my partners parents so I religiously refer to them as Grandmother and Grandfather _Last Name_. They are not being encouraged to have a close relationship because they are crazy. The formality is a buzzkill.

I actually had a grandmother who INSISTED we call her "grandmother." That tells you a lot about her!!

[ssh]

My 3.5 year old granddaughter calls me grandma. I also have a 4.5 year old DD. Last time we visited they both started calling me firstname about half the time, I guess the little girls felt weird one calling me mommy and the other calling me grandma. I really don't understand the whole "I'm too young to be grandma". My granddaughter calls her daddy's mom mimi and her daddy's stepmom is gigi.

My mother was from the deep south and we called our grandparents 'pretty momma' and 'big dad' when I was a kid. Mimi was pretty common with our friends though.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

This isn't very nice of me, but I strongly dislike my partners parents so I religiously refer to them as Grandmother and Grandfather _Last Name_. They are not being encouraged to have a close relationship because they are crazy. The formality is a buzzkill.

Careful with this. My mom did this. It did more to damage my relationship with my mom than it did with my grandparents (who I dearly loved). It made me think of my mom as cold and vindictive. Even as a small child I recognized her calling them gandmother and grandfather (when everyone else called them granny and pa) as just plain being mean and trying to keep me from liking them. It totally backfired.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by ssh

My mother was from the deep south and we called our grandparents 'pretty momma' and 'big dad' when I was a kid. Mimi was pretty common with our friends though.

OMG!!!! That is about the sweetest thing EVER!!!

[shanniesue2]

I haven't read all the posts, but your OP gave me a thought... when you asked her to stop having your DD call you mom, did you just tell her that it bothers you b/c your the mom and that title ought to be reserved for you? Maybe you could have a conversation with her about the importance of the grandma role... and particularly it's perks... and tell her that since she is your DD's only grandma, that that makes her role extra special... make her role as grandma sound like just the absolute best thing in the whole wide world... and that you don't want your DD to miss out or to be confused about how great it is to be so close to grandma b/c she's calling her "mom." Maybe if you put it like that to your MIL, she will be more likely to follow through.

[rightkindofme]

Originally Posted by lilyka

Careful with this. My mom did this. It did more to damage my relationship with my mom than it did with my grandparents (who I dearly loved). It made me think of my mom as cold and vindictive. Even as a small child I recognized her calling them gandmother and grandfather (when everyone else called them granny and pa) as just plain being mean and trying to keep me from liking them. It totally backfired.

They live several thousand miles away and despite repeated invitations have never met my kid. I'd be pretty shocked if I look like the bad guy.