At what age do you leave your kids with a sitter at bedtime?

[bumblecat]

I have an 8mo DD. I have not been away from her for more than 90min. since she was born. Even that has only been twice. She has never taken a bottle and nurses to sleep. I have tickets for DP and I to a concert in early Aug that I really want to go to. It's at standard concert time - starts around 8 - no assigned seating, so I don't want to go late and end up in the waaay back.

DD's bedtime lately is 8-9. Someone could probably get her to sleep by going for a walk with the stroller or ergo. She does have a sippy cup that she loves drinking water out of, so I could pump some milk and let her have a go at that, if she wants. I trust my mom with her totally (so good to be able to sat that!) I am just worried about leaving her at bedtime since I am the only one that has ever put her to bed. If she needs me and is crying the whole time then it's not worth it to me to go to the show. I'm sure she'd go to sleep eventually, I just don't want her to have to suffer through it.

The other thing is that my FIL will be visiting us at that time. I didn't know this when I got the tix. When he found out, he asked if he could babysit. He is great and I would actually trust him with her, except that she doesn't know him at all and I don't think she would accept being alone with him very well. She knows my mom really well so I would want to ask her to come over. My mom and FIL have only met once - I feel like they would get along just fine but it may be a little awkward.

The other thing is that on that same night there is a Movies at the Park night in our neighborhood where they will be showing The Princess Bride outside and some of my neighborhood friends will be there. That is something we could all do together and it does sound really fun.

Also, I have seen the artist I have tickets for in concert 3 times before. But I Loooove her, and have not been able to do anything like that in over a year. I also got a ticket for one of my best friends to come with us so if I bailed, he would be bummed. He could still go, but it's been billed as a friend date, so.

WWYD?

[Tulpen88]

The first time I left DS at bed time was probably when he was 8 or 9 months. It was a similar situation, where we had tickets to something that evening. My mom babysat for us and she put him to bed. It actually went really smoothly for us. He took a bottle with no problem (but he had been taking bottles at daycare) and she said he went to sleep easily. My mom is fairly AP in her ways, so she would have never let him cry it out if he had trouble getting to sleep. But it went very smoothly and there was no need to worry.

Honestly, every time I've had my parents or a friend babysit for DS, it has been a breeze. I think he behaves well for other people, and I guess he enjoys the change of pace.

[mumm]

I have yet to do it! My kids are 9, 7, and 3 year old twins. The 9 and 7 year old have had sleep overs away, but have never been put to bed in their own home by anyone other me or dp. Call me a wimp!

[ASusan]

At 8-9 mos, we would put him to sleep before we left the house.

I think a sitter put him down for the first time around 12 mos, by which time he was already napping at daycare, so he was used to someone else putting him down.

He usually goes down well for a sitter, but wakes a few times over the evening (to see if we are home?), and goes right back to sleep again.

[bumblecat]

Thanks guys. I left out that the artist we're going to see is also playing the following night at the same venue. I think what I'll do is go on CL and see if I can trade my Fri tix for Sat ones so we can do the Movie night and the concert. After thinking it through some more I do think she will probably be ok going to sleep on a walk with my mom if I nurse her before I leave.

[childsplay]

Personally I would leave her with your Mom and do the BM in a sip cup thing.

Grandmothers (well the ones I've been involved with) have this amazing knack to rock babies into a peacefull sleep.

We left DS (now 7) with my folks for an evening when he was 2 weeks old to attend a Christmas party. I provided them with bottles of EBM, and I nursed him while we were dropping him off while we visited for a bit.

It worked out fine. They put him on the table in his moses basket while they ate a late supper, then watched TV and read in bed with DS snuggled in between them snoozing away.

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by childsplay

Grandmothers (well the ones I've been involved with) have this amazing knack to rock babies into a peacefull sleep.

This. I have a hard time getting DD to sleep and always freaked out when we left her at nap or bedtime. We'd call for an update about an hour after I thought she'd be asleep and if she was with either grandma I'd always hear "Oh she fell asleep in my arms/on the couch/on my bed." It's frustrating (as a mom I'm annoyed she doesn't sleep that easily for me), but I chalk it up to gramma magic.

[Holiztic]

We did it twice when DS was not quite 2, but we were home just a little after bedtime, so even if DS didn't manage to get to sleep with the Grandmas (we wouldn't have considered any one else--it was one grandma for one and the other grandma for the other), we could have put him down a little late.

We didn't do it again until last week (DS is now 3). We didn't wait a year because it went badly at 20+ months, it just never really came up again until now. Again it was with a grandma--he's not been cared for by anyone else yet.

For me I wanted him to be weaned before we were out well past bedtime (he was NOT weaned for the first 2 times at 20+ months---thus our 9 pm return) And I really wanted him to be able to fall asleep alone, stay in his bed, and put himself back to sleep (which he can now do!!)

I think it really depends on so many things: your child, your child's bedtime needs/sleep ability, the caregiver and their rapport with your child, and you ('me' being the main reason we haven't relied on grandmas for care more often!)

Good luck!

[MaerynPearl]

I have major trust issues so until my kids were 2 they never stayed with a sitter other than my mother or my aunt (whom helped raise me) but those two were right off the bat... would leave kids with my mom while I ran to the store or whatever.

[lolar2]

DS doesn't go to bed well for a sitter-- neither my mom, nor any other sitter-- so we either suck it up and count on his going to bed late that night, or we go out late after he's already in bed. It isn't especially stressful on him though.

[Apple Girl]

My kids are 2 and 4 and have yet to spend a night away from me. (I've always done bedtime for them. They're too little for overnights and there's never been a reason for me not to be there at bedtime.) But, in a situation like you describe, I'd feel comfortable leaving them with my mom, who would likely get them to sleep safely and happily. Like PP said, it's gramma magic.

[meemee]

depends on your child.

depends on their personality.

i tried leaving my dd with my neighbor when she was 9 months old and that lasted 15 minutes. we tried with a friend for a movie and she cried so hard she threw up the WHOLE time we were gone. so that ended right there.

at 18 months i HAD to leave her with her dad to take some classes and poor child cried her eyes out.

she didnt really do well away from ME till she was well after 3 years old when her dad started overnights with her. however away from both parents she couldnt do till she was almost 5 and that was for sleepovers.

i will say that i did not miss not having time to myself in the evenings till she was 5. we did a lot of things together that i enjoyed liked listening to a band in the coffee shop, art shows, children's plays. because we did so much together i didnt feel i wasnt doing anything. it helped having a night owl as a child who went to bed at midnight.

[Lady Mayapple]

I went with my mom to a concert we had purchased tickets for waaaaay before DS1 was born. He was 6 weeks old and stayed home with DH. I had a TON of breast milk stashed in the freezer because we had major issues with nursing early on. He was still back-and-forth between breast and bottle at that time, so I wasn't concerned about him starving, and he slept most of the time anyway. The concert was local, so I was less than 20 minutes away from home.

However, it wasn't all that fun because like a dork I left my manual pump AT HOME. Being a first time mom, I thought "Okay, three hours. I'll be fine!" I wasn't fine, and found myself hand expressing breast milk into an empty water bottle in the fairground's grandstand bathrooms because I was swelling and soaking my shirt!

After DS2 was born I didn't go out for longer than a few hours, and even then it wasn't until he was at least 7 months old. I had the same oversupply, or maybe just very abundant supply of milk and it just wasn't any fun. Thankfully I got smart about pumping and was able to accept some work part time without any trouble.

I've never left my kids with anyone but family or close friends, so I don't know how I'd feel or if I even would leave them with an unfamiliar sitter-especially at night.

[jmo]

With my oldest, 3.5 years old. My youngest is 15 mos and haven't attempted it yet, but we have tickets to a show in Sept and the in-laws are going to try and do bedtime. It definitely depends on the kid. My dd would never have tolerated a non-mama bedtime that young but my ds is pretty laid back and will let others rock him to sleep.

[SparklingGemini]

My DD will be three next week and I've never really been away from her, and NEVER at bedtime....

Neither one of us are ready for that.

[sorcha76]

I first left DD with my mom at bedtime at around 5 months. My parents still live in my hometown and we'd gone for a visit without DH. I needed a good night out with my friends, who I only get to see once or twice a year.

DD did indeed cry for a little while, but it wasn't terrible - Mom said it was maybe 1/2 hour.

The second time was at 11 months, and because we were dealing with some separation anxiety too, we planned it a little differently - DD and I were visiting for a whole week, so we had Mom put her to bed the night before as well, while I was there. That way DD knew it was okay for Grandma to put her to bed.

Is there a way you could do a trial run with you in the house?

[Grace and Granola]

I second the idea of you doing a trial run, although if I were you I would NOT stay in the house. Maybe the week before you could have your mom come over at bedtime while you do your grocery shopping at bedtime. That way, you're engrossed in something so your mind won't totally be on dd and if it all goes wrong, you won't be gone too long. At least that way, if it goes great, you'll have confidence on your concert night and be able to fully enjoy it. If it doesn't go well, you can work on what might help to do it differently. Either way, your dd is going to survive an evening away from you! Enjoy the opportunity to have a friend date and a great mom and FIL to take care of your dd.