Unconditional Parenting & Running in the Street

[hoosgirl]

I read Unconditional Parenting and it really changed my mind in so many ways about how I parent. I still struggle every day though to really put it into practice. My biggest challenge is keeping my 27 month old DS from running into the street. Our street has lots of little ones and the houses are all really close together, so there are often lots of people out and about in the evenings. We go out to play and if I get into a conversation with someone and am not paying enough attention to DS he will take off running. And he is FAST. He will not respond to stop or red light. I try not to run after him but eventually he will go straight to the end of the street and run into traffic if I don't physically catch him and make him stop. I've explained over and over that it scares Mommy for him to do that, that it is dangerous, etc. He says "OK" but then turns right around and does it again. I've told him that he can go into the street, he just needs to tell Mommy and I have to go with him. It really is a sore spot in our relationship. I can't just not talk to other people and be sociable, and I do give him lots of attention (it's not like I'm talking the whole time). And of course every other parent on the street has "trained" their kids not to go in the road and they all hate it that my DS is such a bad example for their kids which doesn't help either. Any words of wisdom for what I might do that is age appropriate and reflects UP values?

[mom2grrls]

At 27 mths there is no fear of running in the street and there's no way to make him understand it. It's your job to prevent it-play in a fenced area, keep close(and have your eye on him) so you're ready to stop him, keep him in a stroller or sling. Although it is nice to socialize you may have to keep it to times when your son is inside safely. When my son was young I didn't plan on socializing too much at outings or playing outside, I barely sat still

[ssh]

Right around that age we started going to parks with fences and anywhere else I held DD's hand. They don't have any impulse control and run can run so fast.

[mamazee]

It isn't contrary to UP to physically move your child to keep him/her out of the street. The only thing contrary to UP would be to spank or otherwise punish for running out into the street. Or bribe to keep them from running into the street, though I'm not sure how that would work. And I've had a lot of parents tell me this is the one thing they spank for, which has always left me a bit puzzled as these kids who were spanked over this issue seem to run into the street just as much after being spanked as before they were spanked, so the parents still have to up the supervision around the street, just like I did with my kids who weren't/aren't spanked. When they get older, you can explain the street issue and they'll understand. Until then, it's all supervision.

[momma_unlimited]

I don't think there is an easy solution for this, except to physically keep him close or keep your eyes glued. By 3yo they are better able to comprehend. I have played "traffic" with matchbox cars and my son has a little ambulance set complete with man in wheelchair with a cast on his leg... so I've played the scenario out to try to help him understand what happens if a car hits a part of your body... big ouchie... I didn't do it to terrify him, just matter of factly about how it's not safe. We've also played games where we walk on the side of the road and march & sing, and make a big deal of staying out of the road. That helped too.

[ssh]

We've played safety games too. I think it helps, but I agree that before 3 you just have to hold onto them. My DD, now 4.5, is always telling us to be careful and different things "aren't safe" and are a "bad idea". We have kind of been hearing her say everything we've been saying to her. So even when they don't respond to what you say they are listening. At two we did a lot of "hold my hand or I'll pick you up and hold you".

It sound like a really nice neighborhood situation. How have all your neighbors 'trained' their LOs not to go in the street? Unless the kids are over 3, LOs don't have that much impulse control.

[St. Margaret]

We love UP, and before we could trust DD to not run into the street (which admittedly she was great about, but it was more us letting ourselves trust that she was strong enough in this) we just didn't allow it to be a possibility, didn't put the responsibility on her. Holding hands, going to fenced parks, etc. If I had a runner and we really wanted to socialize somewhere where s/he could run to a street easily, I'd be getting a backpack harness, probably. I think it would be more comfortable and safe that way; he could play and explore but not run into the traffic.

You could try making it a game, like the street is lava, or the curb is a castle wall or the edge of a ship or something, some theme they like-- for some kids this would work, some would just play around it more.

I'm sorry other parents are giving you grief-- it's perfectly reasonable for kids that young to not be able to control themselves and to need parents to be there to enforce the boundaries, literally.