want to be tv free during DDs awake hours how to deal with it all?

[sosurreal09]

so i was tv free and then i became a single mom and im so stressed and
DD is soooo high maintenance and shes only 9 m/o but when shes being wicked fussy and clingy and i just need a break i pop on the tv and she half watches it while playing but shes not just after me KWIM? all day she wants mama mama mama all day. btw im unemploye still...was laid off while prego... anyways its like a i need a break! thing and it makes me feel like a horrible mom. i have 0 help i have no capable family living that could ever help out with DD and her dad is a jerk...he will watch her for like 30 mins if im lucky and need to go food shopping or something...so i never can go anywhere without DD and i never get a chance to do anything for myself and i feel like im going nuts most of the time. shes very sensitive and clingy and i try my absolute hardest to be the mom she needs me to be and shes everything to me and i want whats best for her.

so how do you deal with tv free? what can i do to make sure we dont watch it?

btw her father visits with her and plays very violent video games...how can i get him to stop?

[Elizabeth2008]

I am a single mom, and I won't lie, it does make it harder to be tv-free. There are times when I would give anything for something to distract him so i can make dinner/clean the house/get ready for work, etc. One thing that I think helped is that he's never had tv (we had no cable initially, and then about 6 months ago I finally just got rid of the tv entirely) so he has developed other ways to entertain himself when mommy just can't play with him. I do find myself negotiating a lot with him: "OK, I need 30 minutes to get dinner started and then we can read books before we eat" stuff like that. At 9 months, I recall it being fairly easy as he was entertained by crawling around and pulling pots and pans out of the cabinets and banging them around, etc I tried to put out things he would want to play with right near wherever I was and let him play right next to me while I worked. Then I would take a lot breaks and play with him.

It's tough. TV is the easy way out. But the longer you don't have it in your home, the better equipped she'll be to use her own immagination in play. I believe that this kind of parenting is very hard in the beginning, but pays dividends down the road. My DS is now 4.5 and we don't need TV.

[sosurreal09]

TY for the reply! my DD will not just play next to me though! she wants me to hold her/ give her undevided attention all day. like i said shes very high needs. shes gone through alot though with digestion problems and reflux and intolerances...its been a rough time. you are right though it is best and i need to just do it. i want to have some tv for me though...maybe i will just get netflix or something idk. or i could get like minimum cable channels and then just watch it when she goes to bed. i have to break this habit fast!

[fustian]

I'm not a single mother, but I was home alone with my daughter all day until she was one. She also required almost constant interaction with me, and those days could be long. I have great respect for you being able to try to do this as a single mother!

However, I want you to know that it does get better. My daughter is almost three now, and is great at playing imaginatively by herself. Sure, she loves to play with mum & dad as well, but if we're busy she plays happily on her own. If I remember correctly she started doing this around 18 months and the length of time that she could amuse herself on her own grew as she got older.

At that age, when she was on me all day, I would bring her along as I did my chores. As long as I was paying attention to her, she was usually OK sitting and playing in the laundry while I folded it or playing with some water in a pan while I did the dishes. If she got fussy I'd put her in the baby carrier and move around a lot as I worked. Then, when she napped, I took my me time. I refused to do any housework etc. while she napped: that was my break. (Unfortunately, she was only napping about an hour a day at that point, but you may be luckier). Once I decided that that was the way it was going to work I found that I became fairly adept at keeping her entertained while I did the housework. Sure, things would take much longer than they would normally, but I was in no rush. And she came out with me to do any grocery shopping etc. as well.

Best of luck!

[sosurreal09]

TY my LO sounds like yours with the napping lol being a mom is so challenging! its the best thing that ever happened to me but man is it hard

[westcoastlady]

My only thought that I wanted to add was baby wearing. I found this an invaluable way to help me get things done even when DS was really clingy. I had a wrap for the beginning and then moved onto the Ergo. I know you aren't supposed to but I would but him on my back in the Ergo and cook dinner. I was really careful re. hot things and would only cook certain things but for me it was a lifesaver.

[sosurreal09]

TY i babywear i always use the wrap =)