I've been following this thread for awhile... didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if what I had to offer was what you were looking for. But in your recent post, I saw that you are mostly looking for ways to empower your daughter, and I understand why. It is so important for kids to feel empowered and supported. I think... perhaps... as a parent we have to teach our kids how to name their boundaries, and then we help them enforce them. Ultimately, they will meet people in life whose behavior they cannot control. So how do we help them to meet that behavior and protect their sense of self and wellness? I think the suggestion about walking away is a great one.
To that I would add.... can you teach and authorize your daughter to use just as much force is necessary to walk away? Not in retaliation - not hitting back - but can you help her distinguish between force and violence? I do believe they are different things and I also believe that it is very very important for women especially to be comfortable with force because we are bombarded with messages about it being improper for women to use force. And I think that these are two different things. I use force when I pry my toddler's hands out of my hair. That's not violence. I use force when I hold tightly to my toddler's hand to keep her from hitting me and say, "I won't let you hit me.".... that's also not violence. If I were to smack DD's hand just before, or after, she hits me, that would be violence, and it would be retaliation.
I've seen a thoughtful and frustrated 4 year old learn to do the very same thing with my then 18mo, and while I wouldn't leave the two alone, her mom and I can have a brief conversation without having things going from
happily playing together to in under 30 seconds, the 4yo having a meltdown because the 18mo was touching her face and 4yo thought she wasn';t allowed to do anything but say, "Stop touching my face. EEEEEEE!!! STOP TOUCHING MY FAAAAAACCCE!!!!" To me, the 4yo's reaction was totally understandable... she felt completely powerless because an 18mo doesn't understand words the same way an adult or another 4yo would. And they aren't that much different in size. I also believe that the 18mo was just being curious and not malicious at all.
We showed 4yo how to use her hands to guide my daughter's hands away, and I assured her that I wouldn't be angry at her if she needed to go so far as a gentle push to gain enough space to get up and move away. We trusted the 4yo not to go overboard and she didn't. Instead, she seemed very happy to be allowed to move the 18mo's hand away while say,ing "Not my face" or "gentle, gentle" etc. And she did not have any more meltdowns, because the 18mo was understanding her better. Obviously.... we are not throwing them to the wolves. We were both there and ready to step in, and I was and still am working with my DD to teach her about gentle touches, and I don't want her to be pushed... but she understands me best when I communicate more with my hands and demonstrate what I want her to do. So it didn't seem sensible to tell the 4yo, "I know what works but I won't let you do it." We were a little nervous to see if disaster would occur... you know, a full on toddler brawl.... but it did not.... not even close.
They aren't the same age as your kids, the temperments are probably very different, the situation wasn't as severe, and these two are friends and not siblings, so they get lots of breaks from each other!.... but perhaps you can extract some principle from the example that will be useful to you? I am not too good at that, so I won't even try. :)