Originally Posted by CherryBomb
It's rare that I hear someone say outright "if you do xyz, you're guaranteed a healthy baby" but I hear it implied often.
Outside the natural childbirth community, it plays out a little differently, but it's still there. All through my third pregnancy when I was arguing with my OB and GP, who were both insisting that I had
to have a c-section, because I'd already had two, I got the same two same phrases over and over again. Those phrases were "all that matters is a healthy mom and a healthy baby" and "we just want you and your baby to be safe". My GP also threw in a "I'm so worried about you that I can't sleep", just for good measure.
There is no way to look at those statements without realizing there's an implied promise there. They were telling me, not quite
in so many words, that if I just did what they told me, and scheduled the section when they told me, I would be healthy, and my baby would be healthy. The GP wouldn't be worried once I scheduled, because the risks would be gone. If I just stopped fighting, I'd be healthy, and the baby would be healthy. If I just did what I was told, baby would be "safe".
They never flat out said "do this, and we guarantee your baby will be healthy", but that was their entire
argument for the c-section.
It's prevalent here, too. Lots of "what did you do wrong?" when things don't turn out well. That also carries a strong implication that mom must have done something (eaten something, taken something, felt
something - whatever), because if there were nothing wrong with her, then her baby and birth would have been perfect
Oh - and fwiw, I know a woman who has had two stillbirths. After autopsy, it turned out that there's some kind of genetic problem on the father's
side, and she's basically never going to have a living girl, unless she goes elsewhere for the sperm. She's healthy as can be, and her boys
have been healthy, happy babies. I didn't meet her until after her second stillbirth, so I have no idea how many people piled guilt on her shoulders for the death she couldn't have possibly prevented...but my experience says that it's almost certain someone