Be the person you want your child to become

[HeliMom]

So I'm doing a whole person makeover.
I've decided that in order to raise a happy healthy child, I have to set a good example.

So I'm committing to

• get down to healthy weight
• exercise regularly
• eat healthy foods
• stand up for myself
• let go of my anger when wronged
• let myself apologize when I am wrong w/o hating myself
• stop dealing with people who won't respect me
• get over being shy

Anyone wanna come down this really difficult road with me?
Anyone want to add to the list?

[A&A]

Be present - Enjoy the moment.

[echoecho1528]

My personal additions include:
- work on liking/loving myself
- accept others for who they are/don't judge others

and I like what the pp said about being present and enjoying the moment.

But, I'm definitely in. I need a complete self-overhaul, as I've noticed more and more lately, that I don't want my DD to grow up to be like me. That is bad.

[Whimsical]

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, too. I had a moment of panic when I realized just how little time I really have left to raise my kids (and my oldest is only six, but it goes so quickly!), and that if I were done tomorrow, I'd have failed miserably.

My list looks pretty similar to the ones here. I also have social anxiety (that always escalates even more post-partum) and I isolate myself from the possibility of any sort of friendship. I don't want my kids seeing it as normal.

Along those lines, I need to be a better listener and not be so short-tempered with my 6 y/o.

[rainbringer]

Yes, I'm trying to do this - I focus too much on taking care of dd and not enough on myself - I don't want to teach her to act that way.

[Happiestever]

This is a great idea. It will be a long road for me because I have veered completely off the path, but I would love to become the person I want to be too.

[bluebirdiemama]

Good luck!
I am on a similar road. Just some advice that has really helped me-- don't judge yourself too harshly. You have set goals, but you won't live up to every one of them, every day. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself and move forward. Don't dwell on it.

[LaLaLaLa]

Ah, what a great way to frame it: be the person you want your child to become. My major areas to work on, then, are being patient, listening well, and being more easygoing. I need to laugh more and be silly, and spend the time playing with my kids more, instead of always working on a huge to-do list.

[HeliMom]

So last week I got treated poorly by a person at the front desk when DD & I went to a mommy and me class. I wrote a letter to the director and got a positive response back. I was still extremely nervous to return to the class but I forced myself to do it. I want to show my DD that I can stick up for myself but that I also have the ability to forgive and start fresh without negative expectations. The class was amazing and the man at the front desk was polite. I am happy with how it turned out.

[journeymom]

Sounds like you handled the issue perfectly.

Originally Posted by bluebirdiemama

Good luck!
I am on a similar road. Just some advice that has really helped me-- don't judge yourself too harshly. You have set goals, but you won't live up to every one of them, every day. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself and move forward. Don't dwell on it.

I can't agree more. Mistakes are not failures.

Helimom, about your list of goals, they look good except for the last one. Just be careful that your motivation comes from the right place. I firmly believe that 'shyness' is deeply ingrained, and there is nothing wrong with being shy. It's a perfectly acceptable way to be.

You know how when you're disappointed with something your child did, you are supposed to focus on the behavior, not the person? "That was a bone-headed thing to do!" goes over better than "You bone head, what did you do that for??" That's an extreme, simple example, but do you know what I mean? Well, the same applies to you.

If you have specific behaviors that are truly troublesome to your daily life, then deal with them. But don't beat yourself up for something that doesn't need changing, something that is deeply a part of you.

I've been on a similar journey as well. Carl Rogers said, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."
This is so true.