Helping a 2-yr-old Overcome Fear

[lobster]

Oh, dear me. My DD, who just turned two, experienced a traumatic happening the other day. Our chicks were out in the yard when a stray cat got at them. We found three of the five chicks alive and got them inside, but then found the fourth in the cat's mouth with guts hanging out. DD witnessed the cat chowing down on her beloved chick. She SCREAMED and has been terrified ever since. The rest of that day, she just cried and cried and would not be comforted.

Yesterday and today, she has been Velcro Girl - she will not be without an adult for even a moment. I've spent most of the last day-and-a-half nursing her, holding her, carrying her around. She wails if I put her down, wails if she sees anything moving out of the corner of her eye. She continually tells us she's scared, and asks repeatedly where the "wild cat" is.

Yesterday DD was at my mom's house for a little while, and caught a glimpse of my mom's cat. She screamed and went into hysterics, hyperventilating and absolutely beside herself for quite a long time. It was almost half an hour before my mom got her calmed down.

Obviously DD was very traumatised by the sight of that damned cat eating her chick (and rightly so). Unfortunately, I can't turn back time to protect her from witnessing it. How can I help her move forward and let go of this intense fear that has taken over?

[physmom]

I had a similar post awhile back. Our situation was a little easier, though. DH thought it would be funny to pull of the head of her favorite doll in the bathtub and she was traumatized for awhile after that (didn't want to see the doll, DH, or take a bath). Plus she had nightmares that entire night.

We just gave LOTS of hugs and kisses, DH hung back a little until she calmed down and we hid the doll for awhile. If you can, can you avoid cats for awhile just until she's had more time to get over it? DD's not gotten to the point where she's even torn the head of some of her toys (one plastic bunny in particular has gotten its head torn off a few times because she was curious what was inside). Obviously, you can't bring the chick back but you can talk to her about it. Say that the cat won't hurt her at least.

[caenach]

My DD is about the same age--she's had a few fairly big fear responses to a few things (though nothing quite as traumatic as a cat eating a chick in front of her, eep!) and had ensuing velcro-days, nightmares, LOTS of repetition in terms of talking about the thing that she's focused on, etc. I really don't have any expertise in how to deal with it--DD is my first. To this point, I've gone with my instincts and just spent a lot of time talking to DD about whatever it is that happened, explaining (even when I think she can't understand), and encouraging her to look at/examine the things she's scared of.

When she was absolutely terrified of bugs, images of bugs, bug-shaped lint in the bathtub, talking about bugs, a woman singing itsy-bitsy spider, etc...we got LOTS of books from the library about bugs. I talked to her about different kinds of bugs. We stopped to look for bugs on our walk. I didn't force her to touch or get close to them, but I did talk to her about them in ways that made them visceral (what do you think this bug eats? this bug likes to eat tomatoes. this bug is blue and white. this bug can fly really fast. etc). When she was freaked out by a dead bird we saw, we talked about what happens when a bird dies and how we feel about it (it can't fly anymore. it can't move. we shouldn't touch it. yes, it's sad. we could bury it. etc)

I realized how much my fear/icky reactions are part of why DD focuses on these particular things--so I try to talk about my own reactions and feelings to her as well. You know..."yes, mama was hurt/sad because of x. when mama is scared, sometimes she makes a scared noise. mama isn't scared anymore."

I STILL remember the day the tomcat killed the little kittens in our barn as a child, and I think I was just over 2. It was traumatic for me at the time, and sad, and I don't think I had the language to ask the questions I wanted to ask (or maybe to understand the answers). But I did get over it, at some point, and return to liking cats.

[EzzysMom]

My DD had some similar issues right around then. Seems fear tends to creep up. Gotta say we couldn't do much other than reassure her that we'd be there to protect her and let time pass. We'd often make a list of all our friends, family and neighbors who all 'want to keep DD safe'. Try not to dismiss her fears and upset, because that truely was a terrible thing to witness. I think it's going to take time unfortunately, and hopefully less time the more you can accept her feelings and talk about them.

[lobster]

Thanks for your input. I've been holding DD a lot, nursing her a lot, and trying to reassure her. However, I can't even say the word CAT without her having a total freak-out, so trying to tell her that the cat is gone and won't hurt her results in crying and clinging and yelling, "SCARED!"

My mom suggested perhaps hypnosis would be helpful, but I don't know about hypnotising a two-yr-old.