Suggestions on how to handle issue with sister buying lots of gifts

[mamazee]

I have a sister who has no children. She buys my kids tons of gifts, and I don't have a lot of space for things, plus she is offended if we ever get rid of the gifts, and I do mean ever. She'll ask about something a few years later, and if we don't have it she'll get angry.

I appreciate her generosity and that she loves my kids, but really we have a small house and I just can't house everything. She gives them gifts all the time. I believe in being gracious when gifts are given, and I've said so in threads about this here when they come up. But that view is being challenged. I truly just don't have space for everything.

How do I gently discuss this with her? I know other people have had this problem because I've seen threads, but I don't remember the specifics, and I'm starting to feel bad for always saying in them that I would always say "thank you" and accept gifts no matter what. I'm not talking about gifts at Christmas and birthdays. The problem is more gifts every time she sees them, which is at least once a week. Like several gifts every time she sees them. She's always gotten them stuff, but it's picking up steam lately for some reason.

[sapphire_chan]

"Sis, we love the fact you're thinking of the kids, but if you give us many more gifts, you'll have to buy us a second house. How about we set up a time for you and the kids to hang out?"

[Boot]

Could you channel it? I don't know how old your kids are but could they start up a sticker collection that she adds to each time she sees them. Could she get them a charm bracelet and add to that? Doll's house furniture, art supplies? I'm trying to think of things that are small or expendable. I'm guessing that she wouldn't be interested in buying a membership for somewhere as it sounds like she likes giving a physical gift.

Why do you think she does it? Were you guys deprived as kids? It's kind of unfair to the kids and to you because special occasions won't be so exciting for your children if they think it's the norm to receive gifts on a weekly basis. If you can't channel it to more acceptable levels I think you'll have to take the bull by the horns and tell her gifts only on birthdays and christmas (or whatever you celebrate). It won't be easier but the alternative is drowning under a sea of toys.

[happysmileylady]

Could you steer her towards consumable stuff? If you can get her to stick to things like coloring books and crayons or whatever that gets used up, then you don't have to store it.

[mamazee]

Unfortunately, consumable stuff is among what she's given us, and we now have one box FULL of markers, and another one half full of crayons, and more paper than could be used in a year. So I like the idea of consumables, but she's overdoing that as well.

I like how you worded it, sapphire_chan, and I might try that line on her and see how it works.

We did have a difficult childhood and that might be part of it. She has a problem with hoarding as well, not bad enough to be on the show Hoarders or anything, but still she can't throw out anything and accumulates things for herself as well and her house is overfull, which is also probably related to that.

[rachelsmama]

Definitely use the "we have a small house" excuse as much as you possibly can.

Originally Posted by mamazee

She buys my kids tons of gifts, and I don't have a lot of space for things, plus she is offended if we ever get rid of the gifts, and I do mean ever. She'll ask about something a few years later, and if we don't have it she'll get angry.

If she's insisting on maintaining some control over the items, then they aren't really gifts, are they?

Would it help if you found some worthy cause, like a shelter for women and children escaping abuse, where you could donate the extra toys and when she asks about them point out that you have been blessed with abundance and you just needed to share?

[Bellabaz]

How about gently telling her how much you appreciate the generosity but soon she'll need to rent you a storage locker for all the stuff. Or maybe suggesting that instead of "things" she pay for some lessons of some type your kids would like-music, horseback riding, karate, whatever.

[crunchy_mommy]

How about suggesting the kids keep the gifts at her house? "OH THANK YOU for the markers, now you'll have a set to keep at Aunty Kate's house!" And when you're ready to get rid of the toys you keep at your house, call her up -- "Hey the kids really loved the baseball set you got them but I don't have room for it anymore, would you like to keep it at your place?" or, "The kids have outgrown the Barbies, would you like to pass them on to one of your friend's kids?" Something on that idea... throw the ball back in her court, literally.

And also maybe have a frank discussion with her, suggest other things she could do instead to 'spoil' them ("I know you love buying playdough for the kids, but they would really enjoy a trip to the carousel followed by ice cream" or whatever).