The back story: My ex and I have been separated for almost three years. In that time, he has consistently been there for the kids. We have a parenting plan that we created in mediation, but are not legally anything yet (divorce papers are filed but not finalized). He has never taken them out of state before, but now he's planning a two to three week trip, 2000 miles away.
I'm good with this, however, several things are aligning at once that cause me concern. First, he has been unemployed for the last nine months, is declaring bankruptcy, not paying cs, etc. He is in the throes of financial ruin, and taking me with him, via the house we still own together. He has mentioned in the last week that he was thinking about bailing on the mortgage,and is in fact not paying the mortgage this month in order to pay for this trip.
He has no friends here, no job, nothing but the kids to tie him here.
His mom, who he is going to visit, has said some very crazy things about me over the years, eg, "take the kids and come live with me (2000 miles away from me)"; "Maybe she's poisoning your son (when our son was sick)". She has threatened to call cps on me more than once and urged my ex to take our kids on a couple of occasions. She has never managed to actually DO anything, and as long as she lives so far away, I just call it nasty talk and laugh. But he's GOING TO HER HOUSE. Without me. During our marriage, we had issues with my ex suddenly hating me after he had visited or talked with his mom- this was a major issue in our relationship.
My ex tends to allow his current emotions to rule his actions. If he takes a notion, he is likely to follow it. When he talks about any of his decisions and non decisions, the discussion always comes back to "how he's been feeling lately". I don't know if I'm describing this right, but just to say that he is emotionally immature and has low impulse control. He tends to view himself as the victim in every situation, and has chronic untreated depression.
My mom says that it would be possible for him to go to his mom's, have her rent him a house and get himself a driver's license to establish residency there. Then they could go to court and file for emergency custody orders, making up whatever they wanted to about me. Since we don't have a court ordered parenting plan, he is within his rights to take the kids and live wherever he wants to with them. Is this true? Could he really do that?
I can't just go along on this trip, since I'm starting school on Monday. Though of course if anything starts to look fishy, I will just drop my classes and go get the kids back.
My oldest, 11, has a cell phone. I've asked her to check in with me every day on the trip and to call right away if she feels uncomfortable with anything that's going on. I didn't get more specific than that.
I've thought about making him sign and notarize a statement acknowledging the parameters of the trip and that I'm the custodial parent (we have an 80/20 residential arrangement).
Thoughts? he wants to leave on Tuesday.
I'm good with this, however, several things are aligning at once that cause me concern. First, he has been unemployed for the last nine months, is declaring bankruptcy, not paying cs, etc. He is in the throes of financial ruin, and taking me with him, via the house we still own together. He has mentioned in the last week that he was thinking about bailing on the mortgage,and is in fact not paying the mortgage this month in order to pay for this trip.
He has no friends here, no job, nothing but the kids to tie him here.
His mom, who he is going to visit, has said some very crazy things about me over the years, eg, "take the kids and come live with me (2000 miles away from me)"; "Maybe she's poisoning your son (when our son was sick)". She has threatened to call cps on me more than once and urged my ex to take our kids on a couple of occasions. She has never managed to actually DO anything, and as long as she lives so far away, I just call it nasty talk and laugh. But he's GOING TO HER HOUSE. Without me. During our marriage, we had issues with my ex suddenly hating me after he had visited or talked with his mom- this was a major issue in our relationship.
My ex tends to allow his current emotions to rule his actions. If he takes a notion, he is likely to follow it. When he talks about any of his decisions and non decisions, the discussion always comes back to "how he's been feeling lately". I don't know if I'm describing this right, but just to say that he is emotionally immature and has low impulse control. He tends to view himself as the victim in every situation, and has chronic untreated depression.
My mom says that it would be possible for him to go to his mom's, have her rent him a house and get himself a driver's license to establish residency there. Then they could go to court and file for emergency custody orders, making up whatever they wanted to about me. Since we don't have a court ordered parenting plan, he is within his rights to take the kids and live wherever he wants to with them. Is this true? Could he really do that?
I can't just go along on this trip, since I'm starting school on Monday. Though of course if anything starts to look fishy, I will just drop my classes and go get the kids back.
My oldest, 11, has a cell phone. I've asked her to check in with me every day on the trip and to call right away if she feels uncomfortable with anything that's going on. I didn't get more specific than that.
I've thought about making him sign and notarize a statement acknowledging the parameters of the trip and that I'm the custodial parent (we have an 80/20 residential arrangement).
Thoughts? he wants to leave on Tuesday.
