I'm married but separated from my husband. My husband and I are both getting along very well and the divorce is imminent, though neither of us have the money to file for anything legal right now. We separated 7 months ago.
Two months ago, I started dating a guy, who, basically, pressured me into sex, though I wasn't ready for it. (Think bad of me, if you must, but he was very in love with me, treated my son well, and was buying me groceries when I had little or no food in the house. I felt indebted, but not I realize I was just stupid.) It only happened a couple times, two different kinds of birth control was used, and I'm not supposed to be able to physically get pregnant (at least without doctor's help!) anyways. I got pregnant- tomorrow I will be ten weeks.
My boyfriend was becoming more and more controlling, to me and my teenage son, and, though it was never aimed at us, he did throw several "tantrums", yelling, cussing, basically being verbally abusive towards people who pissed him off, in front of me and my son. He'd admitted to being verbally abusive and violent in the past, with former girlfriends, and he's admitted to being verbally and physically abused by his parents as a child. (He's stated several times that he does not want our child to ever be alone with his Mother, because of these reasons.) I dumped my boyfriend because of his behavior. Unfortunately, this was after I found out and had told him I was pregnant.
My exboyfriend is FURIOUS that I dumped him, FURIOUS that I won't stay with him so he can raise the baby, FURIOUS that I'm no longer doing whatever he tells me to do. He is threatening to file for full or at least 50/50 custody of the baby, when it's born, on the basis that "I'm not financially capable of taking care of a child" and on the basis that "I'm emotionally unstable because I dumped him when I found out I was pregnant, even though everyone knows, children need their fathers".
I am NOT financially stable right now- I'm paying 3/4 of my income for this apartment, a one bedroom, that me and my son are staying in. (My bed is currently in the walk-in closet, my son has the bedroom.) I make too much for Food Stamps and Section 8 is currently on a freeze, not accepting any applications. (Anyone already on the Section 8 waiting list has an estimated 3 year wait.) It's very likely that when my lease runs out in January, I will not be able to afford to stay in this apartment (even if I do, three people in a one bedroom apartment?), and may end up in a Woman's Shelter. I sometimes do not have enough money for food (this may change, once the baby's born- another person to add to the Food Stamp application), I can't afford cable and the only reason I have a phone right now is because I'm still on my husband's plan until it runs out in January. I do have a steady job, Mondays through Fridays, no earlier than 7:30 am, no later than 6 pm, only in 8 hour stretches. I am a preschool teacher. Due to state cuts, financial assistance for families who can't afford daycare is also being cut. I go month to month with a 0 balance in the bank (after rent, food and bills) and I have no credit card, no way of getting one. He's not gonna let me move back to MA, where my family and support system is, my only support system is my husband (soon-to-be ex, when we can afford it) and his family. (My husband knows about the baby, is thrilled for me- knows how I've wanted a baby forever- and will be helping as far as seeing who can give me baby assesories. His only concern is that he not be held financially responsible for the baby, since he is not the biological father, though he will be the legal father at first. The divorce is still in the plans, though neither of us have any money, and he has stated that he hopes to remain considered part of the family by me and my son, and an honorary uncle to the baby.)
My exboyfriend has a job, but it's crazy hours, 6 days a week, never the same 6 days. Some nights, he works until 9pm. He lives about 10 miles away, but neither of us have a car, so to get from one house to another, there is a 10 minute train ride and then a 45 minute bus ride, with transportation only between 7am and 11pm. He also lives with his mother (in an illegal boarding house), smokes pot (and sells, but never holds enough to get in trouble if he gets caught). Besides the potential for verbal and physically abuse, he has threatened to take the baby from me, possibly to his other "home" (which would be Canada and Greece), if I don't "cooperate and let him parent". (Side note here, I don't want to keep him from the child, but I don't trust him taking the child or being alone with the child.)
Would he stand a chance of full or 50/50 custody?! If I end up in a Woman's Shelter, or my current financial situation, would that stand against me? Would my being still legally married to my husband, or still friends with my husband affect custody, or the lack of family support system in NY, affect custody? Yes, I am looking to get a lawyer, I know everyone's gonna suggest that, but it's hard to find free legal aid in this area- nobody's poor in this area. He takes my baby, if not right away, he will be verbally and possibly physically abusive towards it, he will leave it alone with his mother, he will throw tantrums in front of it, which I believe would be emotionally abusive to the child, and given the way he's been talking to me about my decision to leave him, it's very possible he may try to turn the child against me, telling it how selfish I am, taking it's daddy away, etc. Anyone have any advice?
Two months ago, I started dating a guy, who, basically, pressured me into sex, though I wasn't ready for it. (Think bad of me, if you must, but he was very in love with me, treated my son well, and was buying me groceries when I had little or no food in the house. I felt indebted, but not I realize I was just stupid.) It only happened a couple times, two different kinds of birth control was used, and I'm not supposed to be able to physically get pregnant (at least without doctor's help!) anyways. I got pregnant- tomorrow I will be ten weeks.
My boyfriend was becoming more and more controlling, to me and my teenage son, and, though it was never aimed at us, he did throw several "tantrums", yelling, cussing, basically being verbally abusive towards people who pissed him off, in front of me and my son. He'd admitted to being verbally abusive and violent in the past, with former girlfriends, and he's admitted to being verbally and physically abused by his parents as a child. (He's stated several times that he does not want our child to ever be alone with his Mother, because of these reasons.) I dumped my boyfriend because of his behavior. Unfortunately, this was after I found out and had told him I was pregnant.
My exboyfriend is FURIOUS that I dumped him, FURIOUS that I won't stay with him so he can raise the baby, FURIOUS that I'm no longer doing whatever he tells me to do. He is threatening to file for full or at least 50/50 custody of the baby, when it's born, on the basis that "I'm not financially capable of taking care of a child" and on the basis that "I'm emotionally unstable because I dumped him when I found out I was pregnant, even though everyone knows, children need their fathers".
I am NOT financially stable right now- I'm paying 3/4 of my income for this apartment, a one bedroom, that me and my son are staying in. (My bed is currently in the walk-in closet, my son has the bedroom.) I make too much for Food Stamps and Section 8 is currently on a freeze, not accepting any applications. (Anyone already on the Section 8 waiting list has an estimated 3 year wait.) It's very likely that when my lease runs out in January, I will not be able to afford to stay in this apartment (even if I do, three people in a one bedroom apartment?), and may end up in a Woman's Shelter. I sometimes do not have enough money for food (this may change, once the baby's born- another person to add to the Food Stamp application), I can't afford cable and the only reason I have a phone right now is because I'm still on my husband's plan until it runs out in January. I do have a steady job, Mondays through Fridays, no earlier than 7:30 am, no later than 6 pm, only in 8 hour stretches. I am a preschool teacher. Due to state cuts, financial assistance for families who can't afford daycare is also being cut. I go month to month with a 0 balance in the bank (after rent, food and bills) and I have no credit card, no way of getting one. He's not gonna let me move back to MA, where my family and support system is, my only support system is my husband (soon-to-be ex, when we can afford it) and his family. (My husband knows about the baby, is thrilled for me- knows how I've wanted a baby forever- and will be helping as far as seeing who can give me baby assesories. His only concern is that he not be held financially responsible for the baby, since he is not the biological father, though he will be the legal father at first. The divorce is still in the plans, though neither of us have any money, and he has stated that he hopes to remain considered part of the family by me and my son, and an honorary uncle to the baby.)
My exboyfriend has a job, but it's crazy hours, 6 days a week, never the same 6 days. Some nights, he works until 9pm. He lives about 10 miles away, but neither of us have a car, so to get from one house to another, there is a 10 minute train ride and then a 45 minute bus ride, with transportation only between 7am and 11pm. He also lives with his mother (in an illegal boarding house), smokes pot (and sells, but never holds enough to get in trouble if he gets caught). Besides the potential for verbal and physically abuse, he has threatened to take the baby from me, possibly to his other "home" (which would be Canada and Greece), if I don't "cooperate and let him parent". (Side note here, I don't want to keep him from the child, but I don't trust him taking the child or being alone with the child.)
Would he stand a chance of full or 50/50 custody?! If I end up in a Woman's Shelter, or my current financial situation, would that stand against me? Would my being still legally married to my husband, or still friends with my husband affect custody, or the lack of family support system in NY, affect custody? Yes, I am looking to get a lawyer, I know everyone's gonna suggest that, but it's hard to find free legal aid in this area- nobody's poor in this area. He takes my baby, if not right away, he will be verbally and possibly physically abusive towards it, he will leave it alone with his mother, he will throw tantrums in front of it, which I believe would be emotionally abusive to the child, and given the way he's been talking to me about my decision to leave him, it's very possible he may try to turn the child against me, telling it how selfish I am, taking it's daddy away, etc. Anyone have any advice?
