Question about what is "normal" for a 10yo

[Katie T]

So my oldest child is a smart, kind little girl. I have been wondering though if something is normal as it seems other children younger than her don't have the same issues.

First off she has a great memory so I don't think that is contributing to the issue. She will be entering the 5th grade and scored 7th grade on her ITBS. Some of her scores were as high as 11.8 (meaning 11th grade 8 month).

The issue we are constantly battling is that she can not follow multiple step directions. I have tried having her make eye contact, shutting off any back ground noise (tv, radio) and also having her repeat the directions. Even with all of that when I ask her to repeat the directions to me she most of the time can't get past the first step. I am not talking long directions I am talking go to the bedroom and get me the blue cup please. When asked to repeat she will say I told her to get the cup. When asked what room I told her it was in she can't remember.

I don't think she is being lazy as she is a good helper. Is this normal and I am expecting to much? What other things are there to try to help her understand directions better? She does this for everyone, not just me.

[34me]

Does she get homework done on time? Is she organized? My dd who is now 16 is a bright cookie (I don't think gifted, but she is very bright) has poor executive function skills. She is often a disorganized mess and it's something we work on a lot. Anyway, she was just like this at 10. By working on her overall organizational skills it's gotten better.

[Katie T]

Originally Posted by 34me

Does she get homework done on time? Is she organized? My dd who is now 16 is a bright cookie (I don't think gifted, but she is very bright) has poor executive function skills. She is often a disorganized mess and it's something we work on a lot. Anyway, she was just like this at 10. By working on her overall organizational skills it's gotten better.

huh, I had never put to and to together but no she isn't organized and does have issues getting school work completed both at home and at school. She is slowly getting better at keeping her room clean. (not my kind of clean but ya know it is a improvement and she is a child) How have you found to best help you daughter in the organized? We have a over the door organizer to keep all of her little stuff organized and i have spend thousands of hours in her room getting it organized but it of course doesn't stay that way.

So is your daughter getting better at directions and organization as she gets older?

[AAK]

Also sounds like you might work on short term memory skills. Like that number game where you say 3 9 2 and then she repeats it. Then you go to 4 digits (each spoken individually), and then 5, etc. Don't keep making it harder until she has shown the ability to do the other level. A friend of mine has been doing this with her kids as a game (because of some seminar she went to) and it has helped a lot (she says).

Amy

[CarrieMF]

Even with all of that when I ask her to repeat the directions to me she most of the time can't get past the first step. I am not talking long directions I am talking go to the bedroom and get me the blue cup please. When asked to repeat she will say I told her to get the cup. When asked what room I told her it was in she can't remember.

If you asked her to go to the bedroom get the blue cup but did NOT ask her to repeat the request would she come back with the blue cup that was in the bedroom?

[Katie T]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

If you asked her to go to the bedroom get the blue cup but did NOT ask her to repeat the request would she come back with the blue cup that was in the bedroom?

No she will come back and tell me she couldn't find it.

[mom2grrls]

What baout a written list rather than spoken direction?

[CarrieMF]

have her teachers expressed concern that she can't follow direction at school?

[SeekingJoy]

Can she follow written directions? I have a really, really hard time following oral ones, but it helped when I learned to form a mental picture of the words when given a direction. For example, if you tell me directions, I can't find my way around the corner. But if I draw a mental map while being told, I can remember 5-7 turns.

[Katie T]

Her teachers have mentioned not being able to follow directions although it didn't seem to be as much of a problem this past school yr but that may be that she had a sweet laid back teacher, I guess we will see next yr.

I will try the written list, not easy when you are busy and need something really quick but it will be a start. I will also work on her making a mental list in her head.

I have a hard time following driving directions as well, maybe she gets this from me lol.

Thanks for your help ladies, if anyone has anything else they want to add please do. I would love to help her with this as it is something she will need in life.

[SeekingJoy]

More than a mental list, a mental picture might help if she is a visual learner and not an aural one.

[Katie T]

Originally Posted by SeekingJoy

More than a mental list, a mental picture might help if she is a visual learner and not an aural one.

Sorry, that is what I meant.

[CarrieMF]

I agree on a visual picture. I do that all the time. In Grade 1 our numbers were in a straight line at the front of the room until it hit 100. I still picture them like that when counting. Same with the alphabet except it turned & went down another wall so about 3/4 into the alphabet they turn in my head too.lol

[34me]

Honestly my dd doesn't have a whole lot in her room. First as a responce to her mess from us and it has become her choice. I found a good book called Thinking Organized by Rhona Gordon. And thankfully she has gotten sooo much better as she's gotten older.

Funny about the number line. When I add in my head I picture dice. But I am an aural learner primarily.

[Embee]

I am another one of those who needs visuals. I am an extrememly organized person but I need to see things in writing. I make a weekly schedule for myself; a list for the library, the grocery store, chores, etc.

I find that when being given auditory instructions--or simply trying to remember all the things I'm responsible for--I can have a hard time following them because I am either (1) getting distracted by my environment or (2) simply have a hard time visualizing whatever it is that I'm being asked. When I know I have many tasks to perform, I can feel very overwhelmed and disorganized by them, and don't know where to start... until I write them all down. Once in writing, they don't seem nearly as daunting and indeed, totally doable. I can then tick one thing off at a time which feeds my need for order (I'm OCD), and also gives me a lovely feeling of accomplishment.

I agree that visuals are just very important to the way in which some people's minds happen to work. Different learning styles abound as it were.

The best and good luck to you!

Em

[Katie T]

Reading Embee's post just reminded me of something, when I ask her to clean her room she will sometimes have me make a list on her white board like, pick up clothes, pick up garbage, pick up books, ect.

I am thinking this is totally her and can't wait to try it out! Thanks all!

[whatsnextmom]

I wouldn't say it's "normal." I've worked a lot with that age range and it's pretty rare to find a 10-year-old who can't follow muliple part directions as simple as going to her room and finding a blue cup. Now I work with toddlers and the majority could accomplish that. It sounds like your DD might have some sort of processing disorder. I'm no expert and can't say which kind. Have you had her evaluated? Sometimes different therapies can do wonders. My youngest had some occupational therapy when he was younger for some issues and man, what a difference! It might be worth asking for an evaluation... you might be able to start with school as it might qualify as a "learning disability." My youngest is both gifted and learning disabled... it's not that uncommon. If not, talk to her doctor perhaps.

[Katie T]

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom

I wouldn't say it's "normal." I've worked a lot with that age range and it's pretty rare to find a 10-year-old who can't follow muliple part directions as simple as going to her room and finding a blue cup. Now I work with toddlers and the majority could accomplish that. It sounds like your DD might have some sort of processing disorder. I'm no expert and can't say which kind. Have you had her evaluated? Sometimes different therapies can do wonders. My youngest had some occupational therapy when he was younger for some issues and man, what a difference! It might be worth asking for an evaluation... you might be able to start with school as it might qualify as a "learning disability." My youngest is both gifted and learning disabled... it's not that uncommon. If not, talk to her doctor perhaps.

I have wondered if I should but am hoping to help her on my own. She was molested as a child (5yo) and has self esteem issues (even with seeing a therapist) and I am hoping not to make her feel any more abnormal if I can help it. If I can't make it better I will look into it more. I will talk to the school at the beginning of the yr and see what they say, maybe we can get her evaluated and make it into a "no but deal" type of thing. Thanks

[harrietsmama]

Originally Posted by Katie T

I have wondered if I should but am hoping to help her on my own. She was molested as a child (5yo) and has self esteem issues (even with seeing a therapist) and I am hoping not to make her feel any more abnormal if I can help it. If I can't make it better I will look into it more. I will talk to the school at the beginning of the yr and see what they say, maybe we can get her evaluated and make it into a "no but deal" type of thing. Thanks

This may actually have an influence on it - I've been in lots of sa support groups over the years and read lots also and it validates that although I am still highly intelligent, I am not very skilled with organizing my thoughts or listening well, especially if I am under stress or just have a lot going on. I do the visual tricks as well, make lots of lists etc.