How can you tell postpartum depression from normal new baby adjustment?

[stacyj-m]

don't think I am doing too well. Our daughter will be a month old next Wednesday. I also have a 2-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old stepson. I stay-at-home and am with all three kids during the day.

Before the baby, I would have said I love being at home. Now I want to call the creative directors I used to work for and beg for my copywriting job back.

The house looks like hell.
I look like hell.
Someone always needs me.
Someone is always talking.
It is summer and the baby swelters and sobs every time we try to go anywhere.
I am so exhausted. I remember when our first daughter was born I never minded waking up at night. Now I dread the evening because I know how tired I will be.

We have the money to hire help. But I don't even know what kind of help I need or want. I have hired babysitters to take the older two kids out while I nap with the baby but I feel so bad when my 2-year-old says, "my baby sitter coming to watch me again, Mama?"

I feel so guilty because this is the last baby we'll have and I am not enjoying it right now. With the first baby, I stared at her for hours and felt so enchanted with motherhood. With poor Charlotte, I just feel too overwhelmed with everything else to even have time to focus on her.

I am not the mom I was before. I yell more, and let them watch more tv, and don't appreciate the little moments nearly as much. We don't do fun things like we used to. For the last 6 years I've prided myself on being a good stepmom. Now I just want his actual mom to make other daytime arrangements and give me a break.

The question in all this complaining is, what is normal? What is the adjustment process to having three kids and what is post partum depression?

Is anyone loving life and feeling on top of things in the first month after having a baby? I am just feeling very bummed to be feeling this way.

[stik]

I think if you're at all concerned about ppd, you should talk to your HCP.

I think have a babysitter to help you is not a thing you need to feel guilty about. If it's more exciting for your kids, you could arrange for a sitter to take your older children out to an activity while you and the baby rest. One month pp means you are still recovering physically. You sound like you could use some rest.

Think about what you want to change, and what would help you do that. From the sounds of things, cleaning service wouldn't hurt. Neither would an appointment for a haircut, massage, or pedicure if you like that kind of thing.

When you're further along in your physical recovery, you can reconsider going back to work. The decisions you have made don't have to be the ones you stick to forever.

[demottm]

Sorry, ddc crashing. Get all the help you can and don't feel guilty for one minute! It isn't just you that is making the adjustment to the new baby, it is your whole family. Get the older ones to help out...they will like being involved. All of you are looking for your place in this new family dynamic so help them out by telling them what you need help with. If they don't want to help then there is the tv or the babysitter.

Institute an hour of quiet time each afternoon. they can take a nap, read, or any other quiet activity.

Take time for yourself...I know that your baby is tiny and brand new and you probably feel like you need to be with them every second. But take one hour, right after you feed the baby, to be by yourself and out of the house.

It took until my second was about a year when I finally stopped feeling constantly overwhelmed. I don't know if I had PPD or not, but I did have a difficult time adjusting. It takes time for everyone to fall into their new roles, don't rush to make everything better. It will all get better with time.

((HUGS))

[MeepyCat]

DDC crashing...

When I had my first, one of my friends offered me this description for when you should be worried about PPD: Imagine what you would do and how you would feel if the baby slept 12 hours straight at night, woke up, ate, and spent four hours a day smiling and cooing at you. While you're imagining that, imagine that cleaning fairies tidied up your house, your bills were magically paid (on time and in full) and some kind soul thoughtfully sent out calligraphed baby announcements to everyone you know and filed your taxes.

If what you think is "Wow, that would be awesome, I'd have time to take a bath and do something fun!" you're normal. If you just can't imagine being happy or able to cope, get help soonest. And me, I say err on the side of getting help if there's any doubt.

[GreenTeaGinger61]

If you can bear to slosh through the weekly threads several links have been shared regarding signs of PPD.

It is very hard to say if someone else has PPD or not. It can manifest in different ways. For me, it showed up in anger. There were other feelings beneath that but I knew it was happening because I was so angry at everything.

What I look for now is length of the feelings. Do I feel like this everyday? And then for how long. I have four kids, and only have PPD once. It was the way you described with all of them but the difference with the PPD is that I felt like this every.single.day. Yeah, I've felt over-whelmed, touch and talked out, etc, etc but there are days whole days in a roll where I feel great. With the PPD, there was never a moment of feeling great.

[silverspook]

In short: For me, PPD shows up as being angry, overwhelmed, and hopeless. I'm going through it right now.

[jsh7809]

Your description sounds a lot like how I've been feeling, only this is my FIRST child. The babysitting (my mom comes a lot) doesn't seem to help me feel better; nothing does. So I've started meds and counseling for PPD because I don't want to waste more of her babyhood/ our lives feeling awful.
I hope you feel better soon, either way!

[philomom]

I ran a new mom's group for 7 years..... if you are angry at the baby or calling the baby names... that's a big trouble sign IMO.


The house only has to keep bugs away for now. Make the 8 year old entertain the 2 year old for a tiny part of the day or while you and the baby nap each day.

Adjust your "getting out" times to when its cooler. Go out very early in the morning or have dh help you take them out in the evening. Getting out ... even for a picnic supper at the park will help.

Hang in there.

[mom2happy]

I think its still very early. You are extremely tired and a month old means only 4 weeks has gone by since giving birth. Thats way too soon to think your ready to be a perfect mom of three kids.
You are probably physically exhausted and that makes coping emotionally with anything impossible.
I had ppd with my first and with my second I had a bit of the blues.
THis time I am overwhelmed at times and feel like I might sink into it, but each day is getting easier and the bad days are getting much less.

I also swear by taking fish oil everyday. I really think it helps so much with this.