Have you ever felt like you want to move because of the Parenting style?

[flower01]

We recently moved to a city in NC. We were thinking that maybe this was going to be our new home, as in the place we'd settle and raise our family. However, we've now been here for 2 years and one of my biggest issues with the place is that it's so old-fashioned. It's hard to find natural health care, midwifery is not legal, and people's ideas about discipline and education are just so old school. We had been in Phoenix, where even though we definitely weren't the norm, there were still people doing the natural stuff so we weren't totally alone. For instance, I'm definitely a bigger proponent of BFing than any of my friends or family, but I could feel confident BFing anywhere. But, here in NC I am a lot more self-conscious. I definitely get strange looks...

It's not the only reason I want to move, but I feel like I would be so much happier in a more progressive town.

[mamadelbosque]

It definetly depends on your area - W. NC (Asheville/Bravard area), is very liberal and into natural stuff (I know cause' DH & I lived there for a while pre-kids). Where we are now... not so much (middle of nowhere oH). Part of me could live here forever (its my hometown) and another part of me would like to get out/away!! So yeah, I can totally understand the feeling... though I doubt that we'll be moving too far away from here anytime soon.

[annethcz]

I think, for me, feeling comfortable has more to do with finding a good, similar-minded circle of friends than it does to the general climate of the area. The rural area I'm currently living in is less progressive than the suburban area I lived in when my kids were babies/toddlers. In some ways, I really feel like a fish out of water here. BUT, it doesn't bother me *too* much because I still have a circle of friends with similar views. We may be the odd ones out, but we're the odd ones out together.

[Polliwog]

I bet you'd like my part of NC better. It's definitely more progressive and we've got a great AP group here.

[greenmamapagan]

Yep. I have and I did. In my area now it's pretty common to see 2 year olds nursing during storytime at the library and we have close to the highest homebirth rates in the country

[XanaduMama]

Where in NC are you? We lived in Durham for 6 years before moving here to the Red State sticks, and miss it SOO much! There's a very active and wonderful AP/natural birthing/BFing/etc community there--and just because CPMs aren't licensed, doesn't mean you can't have a wonderful HB! I did!

That said, we're moving to Portland, OR in a few weeks, and a big factor in that decision was wanting to find like-minded neighbors--I'm tired of feeling like the only BFing, BWing, homebirthing hippie freak in town (and I'm FAR from the crunchiest person here--believe me! )

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by annethcz

I think, for me, feeling comfortable has more to do with finding a good, similar-minded circle of friends than it does to the general climate of the area.

that's my experience. We've moved a lot with DH's job, and a couple of cool friends is all it takes.

[alfabetsoup]

We moved to NC. Then we moved away. I found it very polarized--either you worked full time and your children were in daycare, or you were a full-on hippie. I'm somewhere in the middle. DD1 went to the hippie school and we lived in the daycare neighborhood so I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. I also simply hated the fact that we couldn't walk anywhere and it was so hot. We're in a city now, we walk all the time, have gorgeous fresh organic food, good schools on our doorstep, great neighbors, lots of friends... If you don't like where you're living and have the opportunity to move then do it!

[mamazee]

We're the freaks where I live. Co-sleeping, breastfeeding past a few months, natural foods, etc. I just try to find people who have the same feelings as I have about these things where I can. They're looking for people with similar feelings as well. You could look in Finding My Tribe here at MDC and you might meet a few moms who are local to you.

We want to move back to the Chicago area, and then we'd be able to find an area full of people like us, but dh would have to get transferred back up there. For now, we are where we are.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by alfabetsoup

We moved to NC. Then we moved away. I found it very polarized--either you worked full time and your children were in daycare, or you were a full-on hippie. I'm somewhere in the middle. DD1 went to the hippie school and we lived in the daycare neighborhood so I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. I also simply hated the fact that we couldn't walk anywhere and it was so hot. We're in a city now, we walk all the time, have gorgeous fresh organic food, good schools on our doorstep, great neighbors, lots of friends... If you don't like where you're living and have the opportunity to move then do it!

I used to live in a place where the hippies worked full-time with their children in daycare and the SAHMs were mostly old-fashioned "society" types (by small town standards). Takes all kinds, I guess!

[ThisCat]

Midwives and even midwife attended homebirths are not illegal in NC. Highly regulated, yes. Illegal, no.

[Annie Mac]

I agree with Mamadelbosque -- check out Asheville. We recently lived in that area. It's full of music and art and seekers, and is generally pretty crunchy. The only strange thing I noticed was that it didn't seem very ethnically diverse, if that's important to you.

[Polliwog]

ThisCat, I'm wondering if we know each other. I'm in CH, too.

[ThisCat]

***

[TerraNoelle]

all.the.time!!! I'm in Central Florida and it's pretty darn soggy. Although I'm starting to find more and more natural families/natural stores/ect. But still it's pretty old school as well.

Have you checked into the LLL closest to you? That is one way I have connected with my small group of natural/AP families. It's about 45 minutes from me but so worth it!!! I know have close friends whom I can call or see when I'm having a tough time!

[Xavismom]

Every.Single.Day.

We do not fit in here. All my Mama friends IRL dont care about natural care, birth, living, etc. Dont breastfeed. CIO. Think co-sleeping means youre putting your LO in danger of suffocating every night. Add to that we are Athiests living in what basicly amounts to the religious headquarters of a certain church, and we are pretty uncomfortable here sometimes.

Which stinks because I love it here for so many other reasons. Its a beautiful state with great national parks and lakes... The city is surrounded by beautiful canyons you can get up into in about 10-15 min.

We will probably move eventually.

[Turquesa]

Natural-minded mamas are OUT THERE, but it may take some looking. I agree with getting networked with LLL. I'd also try to track down a Birth Network and/or Holistic Moms Network. And failing that, start a branch! Or just post announcements about a similar, local group, like a playgroup for "Natural Families." You may be pleasantly surprised to find like-minded (and equally frustrated) mamas come out of the woodwork!

[flower01]

Originally Posted by ThisCat

Midwives and even midwife attended homebirths are not illegal in NC. Highly regulated, yes. Illegal, no.

I did have a homebirth here and it's NOT regulated at all...it's like a big secret. My experience was that I had to find a midwife under the radar and then I really couldn't talk about her. The midwives are trying to get laws passed to protect them, but the powers that be are trying to regulate them too much...and they don't want that either. My midwife's business card said she was a doula and if I had to go to the hospital that was what I was supposed to call her.


Anway, thanks ladies for all of your suggestions. I had kind of forgotten about LLL. I'll have to look into that.

BTW, i'm in winston-salem.

[momasana]

Yes. I was so happy and relieved when we moved from Phoenix to Austin, TX. There is such a large community of like-minded families here it felt so much easier to be the kind of parents we wanted to be. I imagine it would be very hard to live somewhere that was not supportive of my parenting style.

[meemee]

how old are your children?

it changes for me. for instance there was something around till dd was 3. after than i was on my own.

i didnt/dont mind it though. its ok with me. yeah it shocks many that i still cosleep and nurse my almost 8 year old.

it got easier as she got older. though i have also connected with mainstream parents when my dd was an infant. they did the whole 9 yards. but we respected each others decisions. and the kids enjoyed having playdates together.

as a single coparenting mom, moving has never been an option.

however that's how my life is. i have never really fit in. and still dont. so expecting like minded people - eh!!! no big deal. i buy most of my books online anyways.