How Do You Keep a Mindful Home with Babies Underfoot???

[Turquesa]

Hi. That's pretty much my question. My house used to be immaculate before I had my babies. I'm trying to be the good AP mommy, but that means that I can't get a $#%$#%# thing done. I want to dust and fix chips in the baseboard and wash windows and --- more than anything--move out of here when the economy and housing market shape up! I read all of the wonderful things that people on MDC are doing and view the pictures and just seethe with envy. Every time I start a cleaning project, DD (age 3) picks a fight with her baby brother. Or baby brother needs to nurse again. Or can't turn head on Baby Brother lest he place a tiny object in his mouth. I know this sounds OCD (that's because it is! ) but I some days I want to break down and sob because I feel so overwhelmed. I'd hire some of it out, but we're pinching pennies as it is. Any ideas or consolation??

[SquishyKitty]

I hear duct tape works pretty well. Just strap them both up to the wall in whatever room you're working in. As you move from room to room, just unstrap and tack them back up wherever you are. Then you can talk to them and sing them songs and all kinds of fun stuff.

Bonus: Put the baby at boob level, and then you can just stand there and nurse and clean while he's still taped up.



*Disclaimer lest anybody believe I actually advocate duct taping babies: I do not actually advocate duct taping babies, no matter how tempting it might be.

[jenfl]

Well, first of all, remember that the things you read from other people here on MDC are only one small window into their life. Things are likely not as perfect as you imagine they are!

It might be a matter of letting your standards slip until you can find a new routine that works for you. Of course you're not going to be cleaning and fixing baseboards with two small kids! I should hope that comes lower on the priority list than your kids, and there's only so many hours in the day.

But there is a balance out there between attention for the kids and attention for the house, it's just a matter of finding it. Right now, what works for us is a checklist-based system. That way, DH and I can see what needs to be done during the day, and can grab a chore when we have a few extra minutes (baby just happens to be enjoying floor time, preschooler is in her room "reading"). It also means that the smaller things don't get forgotten in the brain drain that is two small kids.

I think the key is making sure you adapt routines as things change. In a few years, you'll have the time for cleaning basebaords again, and they won't mind a bit that you missed those years.

[Katie T]

I am OCD as well, but since I had my second baby I have not had time to dust. I honestly dust maybe 2 times a yr. I have found if no one touches it you can't tell as bad that you need to dust.

Also when I have a really little baby things do have to slide. I chose what was time consuming and wouldn't stress me out (dusting) and let it go. I have the kids help (now that they are almost 2yr, 3 1/2yrs, and 10yrs) and we do a quick clean up of toys before bath. Then when they are in the tub DH or DD1 sits with them so I can run the vacuum quick. I will also clean the bathroom while they are in the tub. We use vinegar and water to clean so no strong chemicals. Once they are in bed I clean the kitchen back up and fold any laundry we have. It becomes simpler as they get older but until then I vote for finding things to relax your standards on.

This is coming from someone who vacuums out the couch every time I vacuum (another thing that I let slide for a couple yrs) and wipes already clean counters.

I agree kids grow too quickly to spend time they are awake cleaning (unless they will join you which is a wonderful learning experience). Good luck and go easy on yourself.

[trghig]

Hi there

I am in the same situation. I have a 2yr and a 4month old. I have had a hard time getting into the swing of things and finding the balance of how to keep things clean and tidy and be a good ap mommy. I still have things packed in boxes from our last move in Oct! My house got very chaotic and messy during my very difficult preg. I was on limited activity and couldn't do much.

Something, I've found that helps is 1. lower my standards! I am not going to have a super tidy house!

2. Split the house into zones. Each day has a different zone, so in theory one room gets cleaned a day.

3. Once a week my toddler goes to my friend's next door to play while the baby naps so I can do some sort of serious cleaning like vacuuming (my toddler has a noise sensory issue and is terrified by the vacuum.)

[Novella]

BTDT.

Solution: surrender (AKA: don't)

I think we are outgrowing it. At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it. The youngest 2 are now 3.5 and it's starting to every-so-infinitesimally improve.

I know I can look back on years where I consistently had a very messy kitchen (pre-kids, even) and a pretty-darn-clean kitchen (or even house!). I have noticed it makes little difference in my satisfaction with my memories. The memories of nice moments are easy to recall. I have to work harder to conjure up the surrounding house-scape. And it neither adds nor detracts from the memory.

Who cares!

And SquishyKitty: I think I love you! Thanks for that splendid post.

[2xy]

Your kids won't remember how clean the baseboards were.

[praisehimau]

Lower your standards. BUt you could also wear the baby while vacuming and washing etc etc.
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[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by SquishyKitty

I hear duct tape works pretty well. Just strap them both up to the wall in whatever room you're working in. As you move from room to room, just unstrap and tack them back up wherever you are. Then you can talk to them and sing them songs and all kinds of fun stuff.

Bonus: Put the baby at boob level, and then you can just stand there and nurse and clean while he's still taped up.



*Disclaimer lest anybody believe I actually advocate duct taping babies: I do not actually advocate duct taping babies, no matter how tempting it might be.

:rofl You rock, woman!

Thanks, girls!

ETA: I suppose if they're duct taped to the wall, that *IS* attachment parenting, right? . . . . Right? <Sounds of crickets echo through cyberspace>

[sunnysandiegan]

SquishyKitty - your humor!

OP - I had to lower my standards. Seriously lower them at first and then gradually raise them as situations present themselves. DD learned to tidy up at age 12 months (her own toys in a small area as a game). We went from there. My house still isn't perfect or back to pre-parenting clean, but I feel like I have reached a good compromise. We live here and I am more relaxed about certain things (as I glance across the room I see sofa cushions askew and a down throw in a heap on the loveseat) and focus on the more important (to me) tasks when time permits (floors get clean regularly). You'll find your way....

[MrsH]

It is crazy, isn't it? I'm just learning now, really. We have been parents for two years now, to two lovely children who are now 8 and 4. We also had a baby (biological) 14 months ago. Boy, did being a parent change things in our house!

In addition to others' advice about letting it go, I'm also a huge fan of ensuring that the husband helps out as well. I used to feel so guilty but we do both work, even though he's outside the home. We've now also made an agreement that if one parent is still putting kids to bed, the other will work on cleaning the kitchen.

The other thing that's made a tremendous difference for us is that on Saturday morning, we do chores as a family. We sit together and make a list of what needs to be done and then decide on who will do what. The 8 year old is up to cleaning the bathroom, mopping the kitchen, or vacuuming (among smaller tasks). One parent then does mad-cleaning, while the other keeps the littler ones moving. The preschooler will do things like line up the shoes, wipe down the table, clean spots off the kitchen floor, move the laundry along, or dust. The baby, well, she's still off the hook for now. It's becoming a wonderful bonding experience where we all work together to care for our home and then we have a nice clean house to enjoy for the rest of the weekend.

[happyhats]

I hear ya, lady. I have one little one (pregnant with number two) and she's pretty mellow so cleaning in and of itself is USUALLY not too hard. The problem is that somehow, someway she wrecks things right as I tidy. So it's a constant battle. I'm constantly finding ways to cut corners, finding ways to rearrange things to discourage messes (for example, all the books, plus the kitty litter box are in our bedroom/bathroom with a baby gate over the door-no worries about her following me into the bathroom and getting into litter now, and no worries about ripped up books either). I cannot begin to imagine how mamas and daddies that work outside of the home do anything housekeeping wise, and I can defenitely sympathize with mamas that have more "clingy" children than mine. You can't do everything. Around here, cooking is my big slacking area. Of course, to be fair, I'm not a big fan of cooking anyway, that's always been my hubby's domain more than mine.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by happyhats

I cannot begin to imagine how mamas and daddies that work outside of the home do anything housekeeping wise

When nobody is home all day, there is less to clean up. When my kids were little, they went to a home daycare. She fed them breakfast and lunch (no kitchen mess for us). Nobody played with anything while we were at work. We would get home at about 5pm, throw dinner together, bathe the kids, have a short play-time, story, then bed by 8:00.

Probably at least an hour of their time after we got home was spent at the dinner table and in the tub. Plus, at that time we had a house with a playroom, and 95% of the toys and kid's books were in there. I didn't really care if it was picked up spotless every single night.

Food shopping and deep housecleaning were done on weekends.

[OkiMom]

I have a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. When my youngest was younger Id put her in her exerciser for 30 minutes twice a day, one period was used for cleaning and the other for cooking. The hardest time for me is between newborn and 4ish months when I couldn't put her down (DD1 would pick her up if I did) but didn't feel comfortable bending over with her in a carrier. I use to do all the stuff I could with her in the carier (DD1 would help me) then my husband would pick up the stuff off the ground when he got home. DD1 and I would do a 15 minute cleanup in her room while the baby had tummy time. I found quickly that if I was in the same room as her she wouldn't harass the baby, as long as I was paying attention to her.
My house was never perfect but it was clean enough. Im not going for a show house, Im going for a good house for the kids to grow in and us to live in. Right now its a disaster, things all over the place, needs a mopping etc. I can't do much without throwing up (lovely morning sickness) so its down to the bare minimum. This too will pass..
And if it doesn't we move in 4 months anyway so Im sure once everything is out of the apartment it will be a breeze to clean.. haha or Ill just pay someone to come clean it once for me right when we are moving.

Before having kids I was a Marine. You could come to my barracks room at midnight on a Saturday night and it would pass a white glove inspection. I was crazy about keeping things clean. Even when DH and I got married our apartment was spotless. Yea, I tried to keep that up for the first two months after DD1's birth and I was miserable, sick and exhausted all the time (especially when I had to go back to work). I learned really quickly that happiness meant more than cleanliness.

[MonP'titBoudain]

I totally get you on the OCD thing! Having my house relatively tidy and clean helps me feel better (especially since we're in a pretty small & crowded space). My survival plan has been:

#1 lower standards and figure out what keeps you sane. I have a kinda bottom-line standard that I try to maintain from about 4-6 months onward (depending on when my babies have started sleeping longer stretches). For me, I need the dishes done by the end of the day, the house picked up and dusted/vacuumed/bathrooms clean once a week. Not imacculate, just clean.

#2- engage the kids and the hubby/partner. I am a firm believer that kids can start taking on chores in young toddlerhood. This should be age appropriate, of course, but for me this is a major part of teaching family life as a community thing. So they can start picking up at certain times of the day and clearing their places after dinner, etc. As for my dh, yes, I am a SAHM, but I don't think that means I don't work. My work is just geared towards kids and schooling *and* the house. So, dh gets to pitch in too

#3- Break it up in smaller chunks. I try to give myself a 30 minute chore every day (after about 1 year old).

#4- Delegate childcare- This is one area where your partner can definitely help out. For us, dh has very poor housekeeping skills. I do insist that he participate in the things that take less time/attention/knowledge (like dishes or laundry even) but it's just faster and less stressful if I do the heavy work. Plus, I like it. So, to help me keep my sanity, he gets to keep the kids attention while I get the house to a sanity-keeping standard!

#5- make a schedule and stick to it: I forgot to add that a minimum standard and smaller chunks of work time only really work well if you have a schedule that you rotate through regularly. For example, the bathroom once a week doesn't take me more than 20 or 30 minutes max, but if I only do it once a month it will take a lot longer.

Sorry this is a bit terse, my attention is split three ways right now. I hope that helps generate some ideas for you!