OCD Mamas: Come in and Commiserate! - Page 2

[MamaMem]

I am not OCD or PP OCD, but my heart goes out to you all.
I just had to tell you about another resource that understands where you are coming from. www.WellMama.org is run by 2 wonderful ladies that I personally know. (one runs the PPD support group I attend and the other is my counselor) They can help connect you to people that can help.

[greeny]

It has come up a lot that EDs and OCD are often present at the same time and I can most definitely see how they are related. They both REALLY overlap for me.

When I was diagnosed with OD, I was also asked if I'd ever had an ED. I was anorexic for several years in grad school. I, too, was told that they often go hand-in-hand, and they sure did for me.

I don't want to take meds because, well, they fall smack into the middle of "things that make me freak out." A common internal dialogue goes something like:
"if I take this med, I might die, because someone might have tampered with it."
"oh, don't be ridiculous. Seriously, what are the chances?"
"I don't know. Maybe not very high. But there IS a chance. You think those people who took the cyanide-laced tylenol thought there was a chance? No way, they just blithely took the drugs and trusted other people and look where that got them!"
"Arrgh!"

Yes. Yes. Yes!!! This is an exact dialogue I've had, even the Tylenol-cyanide part. I'm laughing because it's so exactly like things I've thought!!

Sometimes dh will take Tylenol from a new package an hour before I do, just to prove to me that it's safe.

[Annie Mac]

This is a great thread. Thanks Turquesa, for starting it. You have no idea how much better I feel knowing that someone else also worries about cyanide in medication. Seriously. I only recently started admitting that I have these thoughts and fears, I hid them for sooooooo long. How nice to be met with understanding vs incredulity and impatience.

[mom2snugbugs]

Originally Posted by ReadingMama

And visualization exposure therapy also worked for me. It involves catastrophizing whatever you're afraid of in your mind and forcing yourself to keep thinking about it until it loses its power. I actually had a scissor phobia in college. (I had to TEAR paper! I can laugh about it now. ) I visualized tons of scissors coming to life and chasing me around to cut off my hair. I did this daily for a couple weeks, and it worked!

A helpful therapeutic exercise is the "And then what?" one. You start at the top of a sheet of paper and write your fear down. Then ask yourself, "And then what?" You write that fear down. And continue until you can't go any further. The last sentence you write is what you are really afraid of--not the first one.

For example:

I might forget to lock my door.
And then what?

Someone could break in my house.
And then what?

They could attack me when I'm asleep.
And then what?

They could kill me.
And then what?

I'd be dead.
And then what?

My children would have to grow up without a mom.
And then what?

They'd suffer and have horrible lives.
And then what?

It would be my fault.
And then what?

Conclusion:
So what you're really afraid of is messing up your kids' lives and feeling guilty about it.

Then you can deal with your REAL fears instead of wasting so much time on the imagined ones.

I used both the top two therapies and they worked. Also, my therapist told me to list my fears- then do the then what, then LOOK UP ON THE INTERNET the statistics of when that happens. It is supposed to deter you because the chore is too tedious.

Originally Posted by ReadingMama

Living with OCD is like having someone who knows your worst fears and uses them against you over and over living inside your head. I sometimes think of it like a little vengeful monster in my mind. Like a little ugly gnome or something! It's anything BUT funny when you're really suffering. But once you find the treatment combination that works for you, you're able to appreciate the ridiculousness of it all and can learn to laugh a little. For me, it was learning little tricks to use and being on an SSRI.

This is exactly how I feel. I've been on 150 mg of Zoloft for 3 years, and it has done WONDERS for me. I've taken other SSRIs before, but nothing ever worked. CBT and meds are making me feel so much better. So is acceptance. I tell myself daily, I am an ok person. Yes, I am afraid sometimes, or anxious, but I will get through it. I basically take one day at a time.

[Annie Mac]

Originally Posted by mom2snugbugs

I used both the top two therapies and they worked. Also, my therapist told me to list my fears- then do the then what, then LOOK UP ON THE INTERNET the statistics of when that happens. It is supposed to deter you because the chore is too tedious. .

Oooh, I don't know about that. Look it up on the internet? I try to avoid internet research, the same way I avoid medical dramas. Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss.

[ReadingMama]

Originally Posted by Annie Mac

Oooh, I don't know about that. Look it up on the internet? I try to avoid internet research, the same way I avoid medical dramas. Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss.

For those with illness obsessions, I agree!

My 10yo son has OCD as well. His main worries involve fears of getting seriously sick. He's not afraid of germs themselves, but if something touches his mouth (like a pen in an absent-minded way), he'll ask me, "What if that pen had poison on it?" The more he knows about illnesses, the more he worries.

My mom (dad too) is a germaphobe and worked in a hospital for a while. The MRSA and c. diff thing freaked her out and she started talking more and more about germs and began nagging my son about hand washing. He started worrying about getting sick around the time she started her lecturing.

I had to tell her to quit going on and on about it around him because it makes him obsess, and she (typically) said, "He needs to know.....blah, blah, blah... You don't make him wash his hands enough....." As if her obsession (fear of germs=need to lecture about hygiene so she feels safer) "outranks" his (the more he knows about diseases=greater fear of getting sick from harmless things and greater need for reassurance.)

He's on Zoloft like me, and it helps him too.

Anyone else with conflicting family obsessions?

[mom0810]

I think it's great to have a place moms with OCD can come and chat. Thank you to whomever started this thread.

My therapist and I were talking about how pregnancy induces OCD in some women, or makes already existing OCD worse.

Also, I am still contemplating meds. I have a script for Prozac but I have only ever taken Zoloft before. I am more comfortable with taking zoloft because I know it relaxed me and made me function better in the past. I do not know about Prozac and of course, having an anxiety disorder, I am so worried about taking a ANY medication, let alone one I have never taken.

Anyone here taking Prozac for OCD? What are your thoughts? I know the PP said they were on zoloft. I miss my little blue pills. I stopped taking zoloft because I blamed it for weight gain. But since I stopped, I have gained another 40 lbs! I guess it wasn't so much the zoloft causing it, eh? I have been off meds for a year and I really feel like I need something.

[ReadingMama]

Originally Posted by mom0810

I think it's great to have a place moms with OCD can come and chat. Thank you to whomever started this thread.

My therapist and I were talking about how pregnancy induces OCD in some women, or makes already existing OCD worse.

Also, I am still contemplating meds. I have a script for Prozac but I have only ever taken Zoloft before. I am more comfortable with taking zoloft because I know it relaxed me and made me function better in the past. I do not know about Prozac and of course, having an anxiety disorder, I am so worried about taking a ANY medication, let alone one I have never taken.

Anyone here taking Prozac for OCD? What are your thoughts? I know the PP said they were on zoloft. I miss my little blue pills. I stopped taking zoloft because I blamed it for weight gain. But since I stopped, I have gained another 40 lbs! I guess it wasn't so much the zoloft causing it, eh? I have been off meds for a year and I really feel like I need something.

Prozac worked for me too. But if you're worried about it and no longer think Zoloft caused your weight gain, why not get back on it? If you were taking little blue pills, you weren't on that high a dose anyway. I take two yellow ones--200 mg. a day!

[mom0810]

I was on 25 mg, and then up to 50 mg at my highest. It did make me feel a bit "flat" after a while, which is another reason why I stopped. But now, "flat" seems good, compared to anxiety. lol

[rhiOrion]

Oooh, I'm glad to find this thread. Hopefully nobody minds me joining in even though I've never been officially diagnosed. The hypochondriac part of me hates going to the doctor about all the *many* things that I'm sure are wrong with me because what if it's even worse than I imagine? Therefore, no diagnosis. I swore I was going to go to a therapist before I had DD, because I was so scared of PPD/PPA. Luckily I seem to be my normal ol' neurotic self.

Pregnancy and birth doesn't seem to have made mine worse. It has given me a new obsession... the overwhelming fear that I'm going to leave DD in the car and forget about her. I have to remind myself over and over all day that she is safe at day care and not in the car.

I don't have the cleanliness fears, generally (some of you would freakin' die if you walked into my kitchen).

I think mine may also be linked to SAD. I get way worse during the winter.

So... here are a couple of my quirks, lest anyone think that I'm falsely self-diagnosing (which is sort of a catch-22 anyhow, because that would help prove the hypochondriac part, at least): when i see a dead animal on the road i have to apologize for it. but sometimes i can't help but apologize to random things that i momentarily think are dead animals. i've apologized to a lot of chunks of tire. if i touch one side of my body i usually have to touch the other. i have to blow kisses to everyone in my house before i leave or else something bad will happen. i can't stop bad thoughts and the more i try to stop them the more intrusive they become. i'm fairly certain i have any number of horrible illnesses (and when i was pregnant i self-diagnosed cholestasis and was right... so now i have that fact looming over my head). At certain points I get overwhelmingly terrified that someone close to me is going to die. When a friend's mom died I lay in bed and went through EVERY person I could think of, hoping to myself that nothing bad would happen to them, because if I forgot them then something bad might happen to them.

*sigh*

[ReadingMama]

Originally Posted by rhiOrion

So... here are a couple of my quirks, lest anyone think that I'm falsely self-diagnosing (which is sort of a catch-22 anyhow, because that would help prove the hypochondriac part, at least): when i see a dead animal on the road i have to apologize for it. but sometimes i can't help but apologize to random things that i momentarily think are dead animals. i've apologized to a lot of chunks of tire. if i touch one side of my body i usually have to touch the other. i have to blow kisses to everyone in my house before i leave or else something bad will happen. i can't stop bad thoughts and the more i try to stop them the more intrusive they become. i'm fairly certain i have any number of horrible illnesses (and when i was pregnant i self-diagnosed cholestasis and was right... so now i have that fact looming over my head). At certain points I get overwhelmingly terrified that someone close to me is going to die. When a friend's mom died I lay in bed and went through EVERY person I could think of, hoping to myself that nothing bad would happen to them, because if I forgot them then something bad might happen to them.

*sigh*

Almost all of my obsessions have a root in a fear of my loved ones dying if I do (or don't do) certain things. My brother took his life when he was 15 and I was 19. That was what triggered my fear of losing other loved ones. Death became real all of a sudden. Medicine has helped me so much. But it doesn't "cure" OCD, so I still struggle sometimes. When I am really tired, I obsess more. When I just wake up and am still disoriented, I have less "control" and I obsess more. Good sleep and a low stress life help me to obsess less. I really feel compassion for those of you who have obsessions about taking medication.

[Turquesa]

Do any of you neat-nut OCDers have a cleaning lady? Has it helped your mental health, or do you just look for more things to nitpick? With one in diapers and the other regressing in the potty learning process , I'm REALLY tempted to hire somebody.

I used to think this option was only for working parents. Then I realized that as a SAHM, I'm a working parent.

Originally Posted by mom2snugbugs

I used both the top two therapies and they worked. Also, my therapist told me to list my fears- then do the then what, then LOOK UP ON THE INTERNET the statistics of when that happens. It is supposed to deter you because the chore is too tedious.

Nope. Sorry. That won't deter me. I'll be up all night googling it. Does that mean my case is extra bad?

I never EXPECTED such a flood of responses! I realize that it's just my monitor screen that I'm looking at, but you are real people going through what I am, and that's so encouraging.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I really have a feeling that I will be struggling with high anxiety again after this babe arrives. I'm terrified of going on anything pharmaceutical while nursing, but just don't know if I can do it again without something to help me through it.

[Annie Mac]

ReadingMama, your poor kiddo, I can so understand where he is. I think I was always OCD, but it really exploded at 10 years old. Hopefully, since he is being treated so early for it, he can conquer it. Maybe his brain will reconfigure by the time he hits adulthood.

RhiOrion: I think the image of you apologizing to the roadkill is quite beautiful. And funny, too, when you throw in the apologies to the tires.

What really helps me is keeping a sense of humour about it all. Not easy, I know, but some of it really is funny. When I think about how much time I spent as a child worrying about spontaneous combustion -- I mean, what? Who *does* that??? -- I have to laugh. I also wonder whether there's any link to creativity. I'm a pretty artistic person. When my thoughts go off on a catastrophic tangent, that's some pretty good story telling there, you know? You really do need an imagination to think these types of thoughts. Anyone else see that link?

[BettinaAuSucre]

I cannot believe I haven't seen this thread or thought to look it up until now!

My OCD became apparent at 10 years of age. Through my teenage years, I lived alone with my father who worked 12 hour shifts. I was often alone and expected to maintain the household, including his laundry, dishes and bathroom.

After my molestation, I suppose my brain coped with the trauma by giving myself something else to focus on.

I haven't been "diagnosed" with OCD from a therapist. But I have spoken with a few professionals (doctors and therapist friends) who diagnosed me.

At age 19, I finally went to a college "counselor" who told me I had a problem. But didn't recommend medication.

After I had my daughter, things changed for me. I seemed to lose focus on the obsessive thoughts and refocused on my daughter.

Lately though, with a lot of home-stress and a failing relationship, my OCD seems to have come back to haunt me. Or maybe it is my birth control. I cannot say for certain.

Anyways, here I am.

[Annie Mac]

Originally Posted by BettinaAuSucre

I cannot believe I haven't seen this thread or thought to look it up until now!

My OCD became apparent at 10 years of age. Through my teenage years, I lived alone with my father who worked 12 hour shifts. I was often alone and expected to maintain the household, including his laundry, dishes and bathroom.

After my molestation, I suppose my brain coped with the trauma by giving myself something else to focus on.

I haven't been "diagnosed" with OCD from a therapist. But I have spoken with a few professionals (doctors and therapist friends) who diagnosed me.

At age 19, I finally went to a college "counselor" who told me I had a problem. But didn't recommend medication.

After I had my daughter, things changed for me. I seemed to lose focus on the obsessive thoughts and refocused on my daughter.

Lately though, with a lot of home-stress and a failing relationship, my OCD seems to have come back to haunt me. Or maybe it is my birth control. I cannot say for certain.

Anyways, here I am.

It does sound like you're going through a stressful time. My neurotic ways definitely flare when there is turmoil in my life. I hope you get through it soon

It is interesting, I've heard the age 10 now from several people, and in my own life, it is when things got really bad for me too. I wonder if there is some sort of brain growth spurt or hormonal dump or something that happens around age 10. I always thought that, in my case, it was because we moved that year, but maybe there's more to it than that. I do recall it was around that time that life suddenly seemed to hold a whole lot more threat than before.

And the birth control idea. Hmm. I don't see why that couldn't affect it, I mean hormones definitely have effects on our bodies, so why not?

Right now I'm just trying to sort of what is valid new mommy protect the baby worry and what is crazy catastrophizing. They sort of overlap.

[BettinaAuSucre]

Thanks Annie!

I was dealing with a LOT of depression last week and it's still trickling down But my house is CLEAN. Spent the entire weekend scrubbing, vacuuming, gardening, organizing and throwing so much JUNK away! And I couldn't be happier about it. But my relationship is failing. And I have no motivation to fix my mothering problems It's either have a clean home or happy kids. NEVER both.

[Annie Mac]

I think I might be having a little bit of success with my diet modifications. I am trying an increased serotonin diet. I've been eating more turkey, more eggs, more good fats and trying to decrease the amount of white flour I eat (I read that simple carbs like these spike the serotonin, which is great, but then you crash, which is not so great). I switched the flour products (all of them, whole wheat too) for sprouted grain breads. I've been doing this for about 6 weeks or so now. I've noticed that while I still have these horrible thoughts, they are more susceptible to logic. I can actually talk myself out of them before they turn into full blown panic attacks. Like anything, I'm not sure if it's just the diet. It's summer, so I'm getting more sun than normal which always makes me feel better. Nursing also helps, but on the flip side, protecting a baby and attendant stresses of a changing family dynamic does trigger it.

[Attached2Elijah]

Oh Goodness, is it ever nice to find this thread... I was diagnosed with OCD and Social Anxiety when I was 17 years old. I have never taken any meds for it but we have tried lots of behavioral therapies. The 2 biggest problems I can't seem to overcome are my obsessive list making and the cleanliness of our home. DH gets frustrated that I can't walk out of the house without some type of list. No matter where we go or what we do, I have to make a list before we do it. He gets so annoyed that we can't just go somewhere on the drop of a dime sometimes. We tried to go camping last summer and he was so overwhelmed by all of my lists, he canceled the trip because as he said "He couldn't keep up with all the to-do lists and supplies"

His other issue is how we can't sit down to dinner, a movie, a conversation unless everything in the house is in it's place (and sometimes with 4 kids in the house that is near impossible and I go in to freak-out mode and shut down completely.) This stems from growing up in a house of squalor.

These things are actually affecting my marriage but I also don't think I could ever take meds for it because as another poster said, I get into an obsession cycle about how the drugs will affect me.

I also see my tendencies starting to come out in my son... it scares me. He obsesses in different ways then I do but it's definitely there and it makes me sad that he will have to deal with it too. My daughter, so far, seems to have escaped it ... but my husband has his own issues too (bipolar, social anxiety, PTSD) so I wonder how much she will escape by the time she is an adult. Sometimes I worry that it wasn't fair for us to have children with as many mental disorders we have between us...

[cottonwood]

Here's what I know: Stress plays a major part in my OCD. The lower the stress level in my life, the fewer OCD behaviors. That's the obvious thing. But I wonder too about diet and am glad to see it being discussed here. Does anyone have any good sources for reading more about the connection?

I found the following on Go Ask Alice, and frankly I'm more confused after reading it than before. Does this mean carbs are good? Or bad? Or that protein is good? Or bad? Argh!

In the brain, serotonin's main effects include improving mood and giving you that "satisfied" feeling from food. It's also thought to help promote sleep and relaxation.

Carbohydrate-rich meals often increase serotonin levels. However, manipulating serotonin levels through food may be very difficult to achieve because serotonin's properties may have varying effects in different people. Some people may experience a temporary lift in mood after a carbohydrate-rich meal, while others may become relaxed or sleepy. Certain foods that increase serotonin levels aren't the healthiest choices either. Believe it or not, candy and sweets, which are simple carbohydrates, have the greatest impact, but the effect will only last 1 to 2 hours. Complex carbohydrates (rice, potato, pasta) may increase serotonin levels, but not to the same extent because the protein content of these foods might actually inhibit serotonin production.

Here's a brief explanation of the mechanism behind the effect of food on serotonin levels: after consumption of a carbohydrate-rich meal, the hormone insulin is secreted. Insulin lowers the blood levels of most amino acids (the building blocks of protein), except for tryptophan (a precursor to serotonin). Amino acids compete for transportation across the blood-brain barrier, and when there is a larger proportion of tryptophan, it enters the brain at a higher rate, thus boosting serotonin production. To make matters more interesting, tryptophan is present in many protein-rich foods, which have been found to prevent serotonin production. So, you can see how intricate and complex this system is.