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[yukookoo]

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Edited by yukookoo - 6/26/11 at 4:57am

[yarngoddess]

Have you talked to DH about this? I'm a bit confused- are you not with DD during the weekend?

As far as her behavior during the time with you..Try and explain to her that "With mommy you need to follow my rules" kind of conversations. But aside from that, I don't have a lot of advice other than to get more communication with DH (unless you are seperated) because lots of this behavior is dangerous.

[Drummer's Wife]

I'm wondering, too, if you are gone on the weekends, or something. I think its normal for parents to have slightly different rules/expectations - but it shouldn't be to the point that it upsets the other, or puts the child in danger. I wonder if your DD is just a little out of it Monday b/c the weekend routine is not like the weekday - daddy is home - not so much b/c he lets her get away with more.

[crunchy_mommy]

Hmm I think you guys need to agree on what things are really important (i.e. not running off, maybe not taking naps, etc.) so that the other little things won't be as much of an issue. I don't think DH needs to follow your routine but maybe integrate some parts of it so there's not such a drastic difference between weekdays & weekends?

[heatherdeg]

Dh is a WAHD and we have this problem, too. He's just not with them all the time and really, just doesn't KNOW the rules--ya know? So he doesn't always realize that he's counteracting the work I've done. And when I set him straight, IF he even remembers, he's not nearly as good at it as I am and doesn't know how the kids can try to "play" him... so he winds up TRYING to keep to the rules and getting sucked into them pulling one over on him.

Seems kinda like a no-win situation in our house.

Needless to say, he's struggling to find his own way with them. I'm finding that now that he "gets" the majority of the rules, I have to have a "debriefing" with him daily about what's going on and what I'm trying with the kids or rules that I've implemented that day. It was hard for me to even remember most of the day when we started.

Catching him up to begin with was hard. We had to agree that he wouldn't get defensive if I cut in to walk him through how things were done. So like in the case of the carseat, I would speak up very loudly (and/or take over) and verbally walk him through it: "Daddy, we don't tolerate this kind of behavior. When dd is acting like this, Mommy continues to put her in the carseat and we try again next time if dd doesn't scream." (and either I physically take over or verbally walk them through it). Once the kids understood that I was teaching Daddy the tricks of the trade, they were way more careful.

I will say that THAT whole process of him catching up was NOT pleasant for anyone. But now that we're all caught up, it IS a lot easier. And that only worked because I left dh alone with the kids a few times and he saw first-hand that he had very little ability to manage them and/or they completely disregarded him... and he realized it was not only dangerous, but really... what's the word? "Dismissive"? I guess that's the word. Even then, it was hard for him to tolerate my inserting myself into it (even though we had agreed to it) and he would occasionally come back to "I'm not you--you have to let me find my own way with it").

We still have difficulty with it sometimes, but it's worlds better than it was.

[mamazee]

I think any time there are two different parents, regardless of working issues, they are going to have some different rules. I don't personally think that's a bad thing, but if there are a couple of things that are particularly important to you it seems like he should be understanding of those few things. However I would be careful to try to just keep it to really essential things so that he doesn't feel micromanaged as a parent.

But yes I think dh is often "the fun one". Which is really OK to me. He has a different relationship with our kids than I have, and I kind of feel like that's healthy.

[Sharlla]

yes, dx is a helicopter parent and wouldnt let ds1 play outside with all the other kids. so when i sah i let him play outside unsupervised. he was 8 and i trusted him.
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