I hate the bottle :(

[Lovumms333238]

So I am planning on going back to school either in the fall or more likely the beginning of 2011 so I have been seeing a counselor at the college to discuss my previous student loan and my new courseload etc. I pump and leave DH with a bottle for DD. When I come back and he says they had a great time and she sucked her bottle down I feel so sad and disappointed, almost like I wanted her to refuse ( I know its crazy ). I do not want her to go hungry which is why i leave her with food and i can't take her with me I just dont know why I am feeling this way! She is 11 weeks old today and the first time I left was for under an hour and I came back crying cause I missed her so much- around 8 weeks old. Are these feelings normal? Am I a bad mother for leaving her with DH alone so early? ( He is an excellent Dad and I love him very much and trust him completely ) My Ped said it was early for me to leave her at all.... AM I GOING CRAZY??

She is EBF & always with me. I practice AP as well if that helps

[ewe+lamb]

you are not a bad mother at all, please don't give yourself a hard time - it'll only make you feel even worse!! Bottles can be useful when we need them so don't hate them, its hard I know but it's a necessity for you to continue your studies, you are doing the best you can in the situation that you are in at the moment, if you want your wee one to not gulp down the bottle then you could use a medela soft cup or something along those lines. Your feelings and emotions are still sort of going up and down and your body is getting used to the new routine of not being pregnant and looking after a baby, this is perfectly normal, give yourself time to adjust - it's not been too long. Have you got a sling or a wrap - those were lifesavers for me, and baby can go everywhere with you. Your partner was probably trying to reassure you that all was well and that you didn't need to worry, maybe you just need to give yourself a little more time, sharing your feelings is important at this stage, is there a LLL group nearby that you can all go to, I always try to encourage fathers to go as well; but it also depends on the mothers and leaders.

Your doing fine - don't doubt yourself, have confidence in what you can do, and you've still got another 2 months with baby completely with you; enjoy your baby and everything will go along just fine.

[Burnindinner]

Just wanted to speak to the good/bad mother part - of course you are not a bad mother. I am a good mother, but I HAVE TO leave the boys with their dad or my sister for a short stretch sometimes so I can feel sane again. Part of being a good mother is taking care of you too. For me that is alone time, for you that is working on your studies.

That said, it is really hard when they are willing to take sustenance from anything other than you, even if it is your EBM. But, don't worry, your LO isn't turning to the bottle for comfort, just for food. You are still the be all end all.

[Lovumms333238]

Thank you both very much. I will definitely go to a LLL meeting and i think you are right about my emotions still being out of whack... i have hope that this will get better

[Vancouver Mommy]

The first time I pumped a bottle for dh to give to dd I had to leave the room while he fed her. I became enraged with him for (in my hormonal words) "stealing my baby". It was the oddest reaction and one I could never have anticipated.

[Sharlla]

dont feel bad mama i had to go back to work at 6 weeks. i felt so worried shed be miserable without me but was so relieved that she was fine with dh.
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[hakeber]

Your Ped was rather out of line implying that your child shouldn't be left with the DAD for a few hours while you get vital information about your education...to say the least!

There are plenty of moms who have no choice but to leave there 4-10 week old babies at home with nannies or in day care centers with total strangers for that matter, for 8-12 hours and while it's obviously not ideal, it doesn't make them bad moms!

Congratulate yourself on the small stuff. Pumping is HARD work, and you do it because you know it's best for your LO. You leave your baby with the next best option, your loving dh. And you are talking about your feelings...a lot of women bury them deep and never let themselves feel sad.

And it is sad. It's so hard to leave them, but it's also very good for you to follow your goals outside of motherhood, because it will make you a better mom in the long run.

Bottles aren't the enemy. They just take some getting used to.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by hakeber

There are plenty of moms who have no choice but to leave there 4-10 week old babies at home with nannies or in day care centers with total strangers for that matter, for 8-12 hours and while it's obviously not ideal, it doesn't make them bad moms!

And there are plenty of moms who CHOOSE to do these things because that is the best situation for their family. I'm not sure what your pediatrician meant - perhaps she was trying to say that it's early for YOU to leave the baby and your emotions will be raw because of the hormones, not that it is too early for the baby to spend a few hours alone with her father.

I agree that you are doing a great job. I also wanted to let you know that there is a WOHM forum (under Life as a Parent) that is for students or anyone who has substantial responsibilities outside of the house.

My son is 16 weeks and over the last 4 we have been transitioning to having him at home with his dad while I return to work full-time. We did this with my older daughter and it was the BEST thing I ever could have done in terms of bonding. He is a truly great dad and I think the hours of him being home alone with the baby contributed to that. He's such a great confident parent.

I just want to add that if the LLL meeting somehow makes you feel worse (it truly shouldn't but sometimes it happens) than that isn't the right group for you and you should find a different one. They all have their own vibe and you might get with a group who can't understand people who make different choices than them.

[Quinalla]

It's totally normal to have mixed feelings about the bottle and about leaving your baby alone with your DH, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing and in fact I think it is great that your DH is getting time alone with your baby to bond and start figuring things out. While infants need their mom more than dad at first for sure especially with BFing, too many dads don't get much of a chance to bond with their infants and I think that is a missed opportunity and makes it harder for dad to adjust to having a baby. But it is hard for most mothers to leave their babies, especially when they are so young, even with the most trusted caregiver. You know intellectually that they will be well-cared for, but you still worry regardless.

And if you are really too upset about the bottle, cup feeding & syringe feeding are other ways that you can look into. And remember, babies tend to guzzle bottles whether they want to or not because they can't control the flow as easily. You are doing great mama, don't doubt it!

[pacificbliss]

Your pedi is totally out of line. You are not a bad mother at all. You know, I was a little hurt to when DS took right to the bottle. Then I looked at my DH who was crying while looking at his son's sweet face while eating and felt much better. I know it's hard but think what it means to your partner.