So sick of language = intelligence

[fairejour]

I have a just barely 7 year old daughter who is Deaf. She received a cochlear implant 19 months ago and is progressing well with it. She has gained 3 1/2 years of languae in those 20 months...not bad! Well, that brings her language up to...3 1/2 years. Her first language was/is ASL, but she has completely stopped signing expressively, unless she is telling a story, even when we sign to her, she talks back.

Well, we are at a special summer school for oral deaf kids and I am frustrated. Miss Kat is SOOOOO far behind the other kids in language. They all are doing amazing, and she still sounds like a toddler. She is amazing in every (other) way. Her academics are on par, her cognitive skills are above average (we did the conservation of water task http://www.sciencebuddies.org/scienc...Beh_p049.shtml and she blew it away). We even had her IQ tested at age 5 (for reasons other than vanity, I promise ) and she scored well above average.

My problem is that I feel like no one can see those things....even me sometimes. What is the point in having a great mind if you have no way to express it? We are carpooling with this other kid her age and is language is so far above Miss Kat's, he talks about blue jays being bossy....Miss Kat has no idea that there are types of birds with different names, or what in the world bossy means...and this kid is pretty dim, (it's not his fault, he just is ). It is so hard for me to not think of him as "doing better" and wishing Miss Kat could do the things he can do...

I get so jealous of the kids who are doing well too. It's not fair that they got their implants at one and she had to wait and waste time until she was 5. It's not fair that her road is going to be so much harder. I feel like she just can't get a break. First she almost dies in the NICU, then she lives and has a great mind (which really wasn't expected) and after all that it's going to be her stupid ears that hold her back??

[Kristine233]

She has made amazing progress, way to go!

I understand what you are saying though, but my guess is that eventually her speech will catch up to where it needs to be or she will adapt a method that works for her that allows her to communicate in a manner that is representative of her meaning. Just because she has stopped signing now doesn't mean she wont pick up some signing again to incorporate. She probably needs to figure out through experience what will work best for her. In the mean time I'm sure its going to be frustrating for you, knowing she has so much going for her but can't communicate it fully.

And I think it would be abnormal for you to not be jealous of kids who are doing well, we all want whats best for our kids. *hugs mama*

[2boyzmama]

I understand. Connor is Deaf, but not deaf. He's stuck between the two worlds...not deaf, not "normal" hearing, and not able to speak age appropriately. We are often conflicted...do we push the ASL harder (sell our house, move closer to the School for the Deaf?) or do we push the speech therapy harder (add more private sessions?) We so far are choosing sim-com, but the thing is, while it gives him a perfect bridge between the two languages, we're basically raising him bilingual, and bilingual kids are often delayed expressively. The research says that they catch up, but it sure is hard right now.

Can Miss Kat sim-com? I know that language immersion is important post implant, but now that she has the concept of spoken language down pat, can you work on getting her signing incorporated back in again? Is/was her ASL more age-appropriate?

Otherwise, just keep plugging away. You made the best decisions you could every step of the way. Try to focus on what she's gained, and keep your eye on the future. She's doing fantastically!!!

[peaceful_mama]

I have seen this...not thinking of a deaf/hearing impaired child here. I once worked with a child with a severe speech impairment due to cerebral palsy that also affected pretty much all of his motor skills.

It was pretty hard to *not* make assumptions about intelligence looking at him. (I mean, not once you got to know him, but first impression.)

He had been placed in a special all-day segregated classroom when he started school. I came to him because he had a teacher who saw his potential and did the testing that moved him to regular education with assistance and pull-out reading classes. (He did end up having some actual learning delay beyond having missed out on some academics, but nothing that couldn't be met in a pull-out class like many children who don't have other disabilities have.)

but he was far more intelligent than most people assume. He was 7 when I knew him, I wonder sometimes where he is now and how this has affected him...back when I knew him, he was *amazingly* patient with people, would say what he wanted to 10 times to get it across if he had to, not a bit of impatience with his situation...it amazed me. (probably teenaged now)

I always thought that it was sad how people had assumed (and continued to assume) he was less intelligent simply because his muscles didn't work the way ours do....

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by fairejour

My problem is that I feel like no one can see those things....even me sometimes. What is the point in having a great mind if you have no way to express it?
...

I get so jealous of the kids who are doing well too. It's not fair

I understand. I feel the same way about my DD (who has high functioning autism, is 13, and has language issues).

I think it's normal for us to feel this way from time to time, and for the situation to get to us. I just try not to get stuck there.

Your DD has gained sooooo much in the last year, heaven knows where she'll be next summer. Have you done something to document her speech development? Shot some video of her talking or something? It might be really cool to tape her now and put it away for a year.

[fairejour]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I understand. I feel the same way about my DD (who has high functioning autism, is 13, and has language issues).

I think it's normal for us to feel this way from time to time, and for the situation to get to us. I just try not to get stuck there.

Your DD has gained sooooo much in the last year, heaven knows where she'll be next summer. Have you done something to document her speech development? Shot some video of her talking or something? It might be really cool to tape her now and put it away for a year.

We did shoot some ideo, and it made me feel a lot better(http://misskatsmom.blogspot.com/2010...ear-makes.html) for awhile.

She is progressing very well, beyond what any of had hoped, but with the progress comes changed goals. When she first received her implant we assumed that she would get sound awareness but continue to receive no speech benefit from amplification. Boy were we wrong! When her progress started accelerating, we changed our focus and decided to give her 3 years to reach the fullest benefit she can from her implant. It looks like she definietly gets not just speech but LANGUAGE benefit from the CI. We have started down this path and we want her to be given the chance to reach her full potential in this area, and that takes time and effort...

My biggest concern is that if we continue down this path she can be left with no language at all. If her spoken language never progresses beyond 3 or 4 years old, but we waste 3 years without ASL, she will be left without any full, fluent language. How do we take such a risk? I feel like I'm gambling with her future. We could change course, go back to ASL and she would have fluent, 100% accessable language all the time. She would contiue to gain at a normal rate and there would be no risk. But then he listening and spoken language would not grow, or it would, but slowly and never reach where it could have.....

Being a mom is hard

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by fairejour

We could change course, go back to ASL and she would have fluent, 100% accessable language all the time. She would contiue to gain at a normal rate and there would be no risk. But then he listening and spoken language would not grow, or it would, but slowly and never reach where it could have.....

Being a mom is hard

YES, it is HARD.

You have researched this more than me I'm sure (since strict auditory/verbal is not a choice for Connor) but is it true that if you sim-com with her, her listening and spoken language will never progress? I would think that they would progfress more slowly, but still progress. Is that not true?

[fairejour]

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama

YES, it is HARD.

You have researched this more than me I'm sure (since strict auditory/verbal is not a choice for Connor) but is it true that if you sim-com with her, her listening and spoken language will never progress? I would think that they would progfress more slowly, but still progress. Is that not true?

SIM-COM is not ASL. It destroys both languages. You end up not signing correctly and trucating your spoken language. You end up with kids who can't use ASL properly, but they also end up with lower median length of utterances because you tend to "dumb down" your English to match your signing.

[LynnS6]

Can you do both? Ideally, you'd raise her as a fluent bilingual. It's very common with bilinguals for the different languages to develop differently at different times. So, if you were a Japanese-English bilingual family, and had lived in the U.S., most likely your daughter's Japanese would be lagging behind. If you then moved to Japan, her Japanese would develop rapidly, but still be behind the other children her age for a couple of years. Her English might stagnate.

This is more or less what's happening right now, only substitute English and ASL.

Since her ASL is well established, what she needs is exposure to fluent signers, even if she doesn't sign back to them. How fluent are you? Do you think you have the level of language to keep her ASL up? If not, can you connect with the Deaf community and take her to some events that are wholly signed?

At 7, she should be developing vocabulary and concepts, along with pragmatic language skills. She sounds like she's got a super foundation because she's made so much language progress in the last year. There's no way that she could have made 3 1/2 years of spoken language progress in 1 year without a solid language foundation in ASL.

If you can keep up the cognitive development and struggle through these early years of becoming bilingual, she'll be doing well. Just remember it takes 4-7 years to become a fluent bilingual. It's a long time. Much longer than most parents realize.

[fairejour]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Can you do both? Ideally, you'd raise her as a fluent bilingual. It's very common with bilinguals for the different languages to develop differently at different times. So, if you were a Japanese-English bilingual family, and had lived in the U.S., most likely your daughter's Japanese would be lagging behind. If you then moved to Japan, her Japanese would develop rapidly, but still be behind the other children her age for a couple of years. Her English might stagnate.

This is more or less what's happening right now, only substitute English and ASL.

Since her ASL is well established, what she needs is exposure to fluent signers, even if she doesn't sign back to them. How fluent are you? Do you think you have the level of language to keep her ASL up? If not, can you connect with the Deaf community and take her to some events that are wholly signed?

At 7, she should be developing vocabulary and concepts, along with pragmatic language skills. She sounds like she's got a super foundation because she's made so much language progress in the last year. There's no way that she could have made 3 1/2 years of spoken language progress in 1 year without a solid language foundation in ASL.

If you can keep up the cognitive development and struggle through these early years of becoming bilingual, she'll be doing well. Just remember it takes 4-7 years to become a fluent bilingual. It's a long time. Much longer than most parents realize.

We continue to attend a Deaf church (ASL) weekly and Deaf community activities and expose her to ASL using kids (expose? they are friends!) My ASL is good, not great. I can express myself and communicate well, but it isn't native by any strech of the imagination!

The problem is that we are working so hard at English that we don't hae a ton of chances for ASL. I hope it is like the Japanese-English example you used, instead of ending up with no language at all. That is our goal and our guiding principle. Focus on one language, and then the other

[whoabethy]

first of all, great job on teaching her ASL first! i'm *sure* that her early exposure to language has gotten her this far. imagine how far behind she'd be if she had no language at all before she got her cochlear implants.

does she spend time with any other kids who are Deaf/HOH? I wonder if she sees ASL as an unnecessary "extra", not a language that other kids (and not just adults) use to communicate with each other.

language=intelligence is a prejudice that Deaf people have faced forever. it's might be an issue for her again. but regardless, you are doing a great job and so is she. give her time. the fact that she's gained 3.5 years of speech in 2 years is phenomenal. if she keeps progressing at that rate, eventually it will make no difference. no one says, "oh that woman is 35, but she speaks like she's 32..."