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[yukookoo]

d

Edited by yukookoo - 6/26/11 at 5:01am

[PoppyMama]

I'm not sure what the laws are in ca but I suspect you need to file a legal separation before you could become not responsible for your dh. You need a consult with a lawyer or three asap no matter what.
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[RollerCoasterMama]

Don't accept that inheritance until after you talk to a lawyer! I don't know for sure how it works...could be that since you're entitled to it, it's already a marital asset. If it's as much as it sounds like, you want to be very careful the next steps you take. Esp if you're planning to leave soon.

[Halfasianmomma]

Ditto was the pp said...get a lawyer asap.

[doubledutch]

i don't know about california, but where i live, inheritances are non-marital assets, and if you buy a house with it, that would also be a non-marital asset. could be different where you live.

don't pay off the debt with it. definitely talk to a lawyer ASAP.

[aleatha5]

You should talk to an attorney asap, but some things to consider:
anything you inherit is generally non-marital, but you can comingle that money and then it may become marital, the debt that you are accruing now will be considered marital debt, so even if your DH charges it, you are partly responsible (the judge will divide the assets AND debts, so you would still be responsible for your portion of the debt), finally, if you get a separate account and put DH's money into it, it's not going to be a separate account when a judge looks at it.

Also, if you want to separate, for whatever reason, you should definitely do so. But, if you are trying to separate just to avoid one thing (not saying that is the case here!) and you continue to live like a married couple, i.e. have marital relations, live together, continue like you have been, that will be considered by the judge and, at least where I am, you won't be considered "separated."

[SoulCakes]

If it turns out that your inheritance isn't considered a marital asset, but you want to work on the relationship, I would just drop it in a separate savings account (yours, obviously) and work with DH on making the earnings, current savings and current debt match your lifestyle. Pretend the inheritance doesn't exist, basically. If he isn't willing to make the marriage and finances work the way they are, I'd drop him.

[Halfasianmomma]

How about taking the CC's and bringing them to work, so he cannot use them any longer? Until you get some advice from a lawyer, keep the debt from ballooning out of hand...

As for his assumptions about what you'll buy, he can stuff them.

[feminist~mama]

Is it just me- or is it reasonable to decide that you don't want to work more than full-time???

[PoppyMama]

It's totally reasonable as long as the person who doesn't want to work more is willing to live in a way that jives with the amount of money they are now making. Her dh doesn't want to earn the money but he still wants to spend it and has refused to even discuss or negotiate the issue.

[One_Girl]

Where I live gifts to one person and inheritances are not awarded to both people. I got the car in my divorce because it was a gift to me from my parents. You need to talk to a lawyer to make sure though. You may be able to have the debt separated according to whether it was a joint expenditure or one that only benefited one person. My brother had this done with the debt he and his ex had and it helped a lot, he wound up with less than half of the debt because so much of it was only his ex's.

[lilyka]

definitely talk to a lawyer.

[doubledutch]

i went back to your op, and i just wanted to say that aside from the issue of finances, what about talking with a counselor to help clarify your feelings and intentions. it sounds like you don't trust your dh (understandably so), and you're considering divorce but feeling unsure of what you want. you mentioned both of you going to counseling, but individual counseling is probably in order.

[Jane91]

I think its clear that you need to decide what your intention is with regard to this inheritance.

What do you want to do with it?

College for the kids, or be able to pass part of it down to them to make their lives easier? Retirement expenses? A vacation home? Travel?

List your priorities, with an estimate of what you want to set aside for each purpose. If you are looking at funding college and retirement, I would speak to a financial planner/expert to make sure what you want to set aside is enough.

Figure out what remains after funding these "special purposes" and that is what is available to make your lives easier currently. Maybe there is enough inheritance available after funding your special purposes so he only needs to work 9-5 while you maintain your current standard of living.

Make a plan and discuss it with him to see if you can reach agreement on how your marriage will function economically in the future.

I think an important thing for you to both realize is that it will be amazing how quickly the $ goes if you are not disciplined about your choices in how to spend it, and that even if the sum sounds like a lot, it never turns out to go as far as you think it should!

[NolaRiordan]

I believe you need to file for separation as to my knowledge that's really the only way to remotely extricate yourself from your spouse financially. But you definitely need to call a lawyer. You ought to be able to get a free or low cost consultation. As far as the inheritance I'm sure laws are very different in different states but here (Michigan) there are some guidelines about how much the money got "mingled." So you'd be more likely to be able to argue that it was only yours if you didn't put it into any kind of joint account or joint purchase and kept it totally in your name only. A friend of mine got a very large inheritance when her mother died and now a few years later she's considering divorce. Her money was put into a joint IRA and the purchase of their house which is in both their names and the lawyer she talked to told her there was nothing she could do about it-- it's all a joint asset now.