Peer orientation

[hipumpkins]

I think I'm at a point where my socialization issue no longer making sure my kids have friends. My kids have lots of of really good friends. some go to school but most do not.
I am friends with just about all of the moms and we do things as families together. It's a fine homeschool/friend network that we have.
Anyway, I want to know if anyone limits their kids exposure to kids you just don;t like.
There are 2 kids I have trouble with. these are not family friends but rather kids in my apartment complex who visit grandparents and stay for extended periods like 2 weeks at time.
these 2 kids an be rude, sassy, and condescending. I don't like the way they talk to adults or to my kids even during play.
In my circle of friends all of our kids have also exhibited less then desirable traits. we are not angels and neither are our kids however a parent is there to redirect, coach, teach and generally not tolerate this behavior.
I am at a point now with one of the neighbor kids, in particular where I want to say, "My kids can not play with you" however that will be very difficult since when he comes he is right next door.
I am starting with really limiting access by just not being around. We joined the pool so on hot days we can go there.
Does anyone else limit their kids friendships or downright not allow their kids to play with another kid?
I don;t want my kids exposed and orientated towards this behavior AT ALL. I feel when they are older they can choose good friends based from a solid foundation of knowing good friends and families but right now they are still vulnerable.
How do you handle this in your family?

[pigpokey]

I will say, if you do this behavior after playing with X then you cannot play with X any more.

[SundayCrepes]

My son is 4.5. I do not want him playing with guns or other weapon toys. Where we live it is really hard to find homeschoolers with the same philosophy. I have chosen to avoid that type of play and it's been really hard to find friends for him. It's been a lot of work, but I have succeeded. So no, I don't have trouble limiting who my kids play with.

However, I did this through just staying away from places where I thought he would be exposed to activities I didn't want him involved in. That's very different than saying, "You may not play with Joey." I'm not sure how I would handle it in your situation. Whether I'd do like pigpokey suggests and place it on my kids' behavior. Most likely I would just want to keep the kids apart. I'm not sure if I'd do like you're doing, which seems really hard, or if I'd tell my kids why.

Sorry if I'm not being helpful, but I wanted to let you know I wouldn't let my kids play with them.

[hipumpkins]

Oh FTR, my kids know that i do not care for they way he talks at all. It's just hard b/c they of course want to play with the kid who is outside.

[kristin0713]

How old are your kids?

In the situation you described, I think I would only allow those children to come over to my home when I was supervising, and I would ask them to leave if they exhibited the behaviors that you find unacceptable. Tell the kids what your house rules are and that they are welcome to come play as long as they can follow them. Be strict--after you have clearly explained the rules, send them home at the first offense. They will either shape up when they come to visit or maybe they won't like being told what to do and they will stop coming. If not, you always have the option to send them home. I think it is perfectly reasonable to explain to them they they cannot play in your home if they can't be polite and kind. Kids are not stupid--they will learn very quickly what you find acceptable and unacceptable and then they will have no excuse. And you shouldn't feel bad about sending them home when they have made the choice to be rude, etc.