I'm going to give a bit of background story and be painfully honest here, so please be nice! I need some advice, tips, tricks, what have you to be able to cope with this situation and be gentle.
I have three children, 10, 8, and 2. They're homeschooled, although right now we're on summer break. We recently moved into our first house, which we've been working on as it needs a little TLC. There are still some boxes and work left to do. Until we moved I was watching my cousin's baby, who is a couple months younger than my two year old, frequently. My grandma was living with us and she was helping out some with the two toddlers. My grandma got an apartment with my aunt, who is my cousin's mom and the toddler's grandma. The little girl toddler lives with them full time. Her father has no part in her life. Her mother visits her.
My grandma is over 80, my aunt has been battling cancer on and off for years and is often unwell. I know having a toddler around full time wears them both out. I hadn't watched her since we moved as we were still settling in and doing lots of work around here. This past weekend I watched her again. She was with us from Friday noon to Sunday evening. My aunt traveled to go to her grandson's sports tournament and was gone all weekend. This was the first time I had her overnight.
The first two days went good. By Sunday they were both very tired. My cousin's baby had woken up at 5:30 AM and didn't settle back in to sleep. It wasn't long before the noise of her playing woke my toddler. Now I'm going to describe some of the behaviors I'm having a hard time dealing with. She has a very different personality than my dd. She is much more active. She is constantly running, jumping, screeching, dumping toys, climbing, etc. I can handle these things well enough. She also doesn't listen reliably, so there is a lot of get off your butt parenting involved (although really its more like get away from the dishes or cooking, lol). I can handle this okay, but it does get slightly frustrating. My son was like this as a toddler, so it isn't as if I haven't dealt with this type of toddler behavior before, its more that I'm spoiled by my toddler dd now because she listens so well and is pretty calm and laid back, this girl even picks up after herself with no prompting! My cousin's toddler dumps and runs and dumps and runs, lol.
My cousin's toddler screeches, cries, and screams alot. This wears on me. My dd hardly ever does these things, however she did this weekend. It bothers me that my easy toddler might pick up the other little girl's behaviors.
One situation that really gets me is that my cousin's toddler and mine will be playing beside each other happily with separate toys. Maybe I should call her B for ease. B will suddenly start screeching and clasping the toy to her chest, whining Mine! Mine!. Now realize no one was even challenging her for the toy. She'll do this repeatedly over and over again. And she does it often. My toddler will usually ignore her. A few times she has responded by trying to take the toy. A few times she has responded by screaming back. A few times she responded by mimicking me because I will tell her to calm down and point out that no one is taking the toy she is playing with.
B will sometimes cry and will sometimes run away with the toy. B will also do this with her food. I will give both toddlers identical food and B will screech and scream Mine! and pull it towards herself. This girl will literally cry like she fully expects my toddler to take her food. I repeat pretty much the same thing. Calm down, its okay, etc. No one will take your food. You both have food. B will also do this over a chair, a blanket, or pillow. For whatever reason if it is one of my toddlers blankets or chairs she will usually want it after B screeches and screams Mine! at her. Then she will cry and want it.
Also both toddlers will be sitting playing with the same toys together, like blocks for example, or trains, and B will screech and scream that my toddler took the ones she is playing with. My toddler didn't take anything. They're both playing with the toys. B has three trains in front of her my toddler isn't touching, my toddler has trains she has snapped together and is driving them into the other room. B screeches and cries and runs after her to try to take the trains. She does this very often, again and again. I find this very difficult to deal with. If B is running after my toddler I physically stop her by scooping her up and try to redirect back to the toys she was already playing with. This usually leads to more screeching and crying. Sometimes my toddler will respond by giving B the toys she wanted. Sometimes she will scream or run away.
I really don't know how to deal with all the screeching and screaming. I don't like it. I don't like that my toddler is constantly being yelled at over doing nothing. It can't be good for her.
I try to keep them busy. I take them outside. They play in the pool, the sandbox. But I do have two other children and a house to maintain. I have to prepare food and clean. I can't be constantly on top of them. I haven't noticed my trying to deflect the yelling work anyway. Once B decides to screech and scream she is going to screech and scream no matter if I tell her no one is going to take whatever anyway. My big kids will also help by playing active chase games and horse rides with them. We do have a lot of toys. I'm really not open to putting them away. I have no place to store them. Also I will likely be watching her often and don't want to be constantly putting them up and bringing them out anyway. I need ideas on how to handle this anyway because she is doing it over food, seats, and blankets.
Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!
UPDATE post #18
I have three children, 10, 8, and 2. They're homeschooled, although right now we're on summer break. We recently moved into our first house, which we've been working on as it needs a little TLC. There are still some boxes and work left to do. Until we moved I was watching my cousin's baby, who is a couple months younger than my two year old, frequently. My grandma was living with us and she was helping out some with the two toddlers. My grandma got an apartment with my aunt, who is my cousin's mom and the toddler's grandma. The little girl toddler lives with them full time. Her father has no part in her life. Her mother visits her.
My grandma is over 80, my aunt has been battling cancer on and off for years and is often unwell. I know having a toddler around full time wears them both out. I hadn't watched her since we moved as we were still settling in and doing lots of work around here. This past weekend I watched her again. She was with us from Friday noon to Sunday evening. My aunt traveled to go to her grandson's sports tournament and was gone all weekend. This was the first time I had her overnight.
The first two days went good. By Sunday they were both very tired. My cousin's baby had woken up at 5:30 AM and didn't settle back in to sleep. It wasn't long before the noise of her playing woke my toddler. Now I'm going to describe some of the behaviors I'm having a hard time dealing with. She has a very different personality than my dd. She is much more active. She is constantly running, jumping, screeching, dumping toys, climbing, etc. I can handle these things well enough. She also doesn't listen reliably, so there is a lot of get off your butt parenting involved (although really its more like get away from the dishes or cooking, lol). I can handle this okay, but it does get slightly frustrating. My son was like this as a toddler, so it isn't as if I haven't dealt with this type of toddler behavior before, its more that I'm spoiled by my toddler dd now because she listens so well and is pretty calm and laid back, this girl even picks up after herself with no prompting! My cousin's toddler dumps and runs and dumps and runs, lol.
My cousin's toddler screeches, cries, and screams alot. This wears on me. My dd hardly ever does these things, however she did this weekend. It bothers me that my easy toddler might pick up the other little girl's behaviors.
One situation that really gets me is that my cousin's toddler and mine will be playing beside each other happily with separate toys. Maybe I should call her B for ease. B will suddenly start screeching and clasping the toy to her chest, whining Mine! Mine!. Now realize no one was even challenging her for the toy. She'll do this repeatedly over and over again. And she does it often. My toddler will usually ignore her. A few times she has responded by trying to take the toy. A few times she has responded by screaming back. A few times she responded by mimicking me because I will tell her to calm down and point out that no one is taking the toy she is playing with.B will sometimes cry and will sometimes run away with the toy. B will also do this with her food. I will give both toddlers identical food and B will screech and scream Mine! and pull it towards herself. This girl will literally cry like she fully expects my toddler to take her food. I repeat pretty much the same thing. Calm down, its okay, etc. No one will take your food. You both have food. B will also do this over a chair, a blanket, or pillow. For whatever reason if it is one of my toddlers blankets or chairs she will usually want it after B screeches and screams Mine! at her. Then she will cry and want it.
Also both toddlers will be sitting playing with the same toys together, like blocks for example, or trains, and B will screech and scream that my toddler took the ones she is playing with. My toddler didn't take anything. They're both playing with the toys. B has three trains in front of her my toddler isn't touching, my toddler has trains she has snapped together and is driving them into the other room. B screeches and cries and runs after her to try to take the trains. She does this very often, again and again. I find this very difficult to deal with. If B is running after my toddler I physically stop her by scooping her up and try to redirect back to the toys she was already playing with. This usually leads to more screeching and crying. Sometimes my toddler will respond by giving B the toys she wanted. Sometimes she will scream or run away.
I really don't know how to deal with all the screeching and screaming. I don't like it. I don't like that my toddler is constantly being yelled at over doing nothing. It can't be good for her.
I try to keep them busy. I take them outside. They play in the pool, the sandbox. But I do have two other children and a house to maintain. I have to prepare food and clean. I can't be constantly on top of them. I haven't noticed my trying to deflect the yelling work anyway. Once B decides to screech and scream she is going to screech and scream no matter if I tell her no one is going to take whatever anyway. My big kids will also help by playing active chase games and horse rides with them. We do have a lot of toys. I'm really not open to putting them away. I have no place to store them. Also I will likely be watching her often and don't want to be constantly putting them up and bringing them out anyway. I need ideas on how to handle this anyway because she is doing it over food, seats, and blankets.
Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!
UPDATE post #18
I used to do the cook ahead thing alot when I used to watch her. I totally forgot about that! Thanks, I'll definitely be doing more of this in the future. And yeah, the big kids will help with cleaning if I ask, too. I don't think I could feel comfortable having them out back without me though. Three neighbors who share our fence line have dogs. The one dog behind us did try to jump the fence once when we were out there. I'm sure it was friendly, but I couldn't be comfortable with it.
It does sound like she's holding on to some sort of fear.
you 
