anyone's DH not onboard with HS'ing?

[MommyHawk]

has anyone here had a horrible time trying to talk to their DH about HS'ing? My DH, as D as he is, WILL NOT talk about HSing. We did public school last year because of the fights HSing evokes, totally against my will. This year, I want to try HSing. I'm still home with baby #2, so I'm home. What's the big deal? Public schooling was ok, but I feel DS fell behind academically AND we had major socialization issues that leave me wondering if I can ever send him back there. Kindergarten had a gang, little boys were molesting girls AND boys IN school, and the administration didn't do all that they should have done to circumvent any of the behavior until the very last week of school. I am not pleased at all. DH says all we have to do is write a letter stating we don't want our DS in the same class with a, b, and c boys and then everything will be fine.

Really?

I want to HS. At least give it a try, see how we all like it. It's first grade. I don't feel that I"ll be 'ruining' our DS by doing it. And, I feel, that if he has a year away from those problems, they'll become less severe in his mind. DH thinks it will make them worse.

Also, unless I make a certain $ amount, DH says I can't do it. Or we can split and I can do whatever I want. This is the craziest thing I've ever heard of. I'm already at home. What difference does it make if I make $ or not?

He doesn't want out DS to be looked at as weird for HS'ing. DH thinks he's already a little 'off' because he's like me - artistic, quirky. But I think our DS is a socail butterfly, loves other kids, adults, being in the mix. Definitely not like me. Which is good. He puts himself out there and makes friends instantly.

I'm just struggling with the BEST choice and DH isn't making any of this easy. I want to HS for one year, see how we all like it. He's making it feel like a crime.

Anyone else go through this?

[ikesmom]

Sorry your having such a hard time

It sounds like your frustrated with a lack of supervision and accountability from the school . I would be upset if my child was touched inappropriately by anyone, but I understand kids often fall into this kind of activity if there is not an adult supervising them to correct those behaviors. I am actually surprised the school didn't speak up because they are required to take care of any concerns dealing with sexuality or inappropriate actions to avoid legal problems.


Is your dh unhappy with his current job? Did he plan on you returning to work soon? It sounds like he expects you to do a 50/50 with income. Does he plan to share the care giving responsibilities if you were to go to work? If you hire a sitter does he know how much of your income will go to pay for that?

I would try to sit down and make a list of the pros to homeschooling when you are relaxed. Try to think of what he would say in opposition and have something to support your view in a calm way. Let him know you understand how hard it is for him to be the sole supporter of the family. Offer to work pt or odd jobs for extra cash.

I think that the emotion gets you both going and the arguing probably doesn't let you say things the way you want them to come across. I would try your hardest to use the sugar method instead of the fight method because he will just feel like he needs to push back. It is hard to argue with someone who is understanding of the other person and wants the best for their child.

Let us know how it goes

[jewelsJZ]

We too are starting to homeschool in the fall with a first grader who went to ps for kindy. My husband has finally agreed to hs but he was skeptical too, and his main reasoning is that he doesn't want our son to be seen as "that wierd homeschooling kid" or made fun of. It's his issue and he owns it. He was made fun of a lot as a kid (for different reasons) and it had a major impact on him.

I think our child would get made fun of more if he went to ps than not. If he is getting made fun of at a hs group, we can leave, find other friends, but at ps, there isn't as much wiggle room for solutions, kwim? And there isn't as much time unsupervised by adults who could intervene.

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time with your dh. Parenthood is hard enough as it is. I hope you are both able to come to a compromise that you can feel good about.

[AnnR33]

Mine was not on board at all at first. The only hser he knew was his own brother and he did not like what he saw there. We could not agree and I had to force the issue and say I wasn't taking him to school in the fall-period. I don't suggest this to everyone, of course! But I told DH we'd do it for 1 semester as a trial and go from there (knowing it would go beyond that but it made him feel like it was a compromise).

For my DH to "come around" he had to meet "normal" people that hsed their kids or were hsed. He didn't like what he saw with his own brother so his only references for hsers were "very sheltered religious" hsers or "crazy hippie unschoolers." I'm not saying his reference was right-it's just what he had in his head.
Luckily we found out our neighbor-who he liked-was hsed and she turned out OK LOL She talked to him a little and that helped him to see that you don't "need to be in formal school" to be a productive citizen in the world.

He also found out some co-workers were hsing their kids and that was the turning point for him. He was able to talk to them and hear some of their reasons and see that others that were "like him" hsed their kids too. He realized quite a few were hsing and this surprised him and opened his eyes a lot. He ended up being good friends with one of them (we're still good friends today) that really made him see how great an option it was and that kids learn better and more than in traditional school.

Needless to say, 5 yrs later and DH is totally on board. He gets a little concerned sometimes when the kids aren't where "they should be" according to his own arbitrary markers. But I tell him to chill and he steps up the "kitchen chemistry" or map skills on our next trip and all is well. I've found it's a good way to get him involved in these every day activities.

As far as your DH, you have to find out what makes him tick when it comes to hsing. What are his "real" objections? They're weird? Can't play football later? They're isolated? They won't have friends? Find out what the root is.

[phathui5]

What's the money issue? Is money tight at your house? Do you have a budget? Is it something he's feeling stressed about?

[MommyHawk]

I will be making money soon - in home childcare - so the $ issue will go away, just it hasn't happened yet. I just opened for business and things in this area are really slow right now. This way I can be home with the kids, homeschool and make an income. So really, as soon as that actually gets going, I think DH 'could' be more on board, but he just is concerned that DS will be weird, I won't keep up with it - I have ADD - and thus he'll fall behind. To me, it's HS'ing. If we fall behind one day, we can pick up the next. I just want to test it out for half a year, till winter vacation, and see how it goes. If bad, he can go back into ps, if good, keep hs'ing. I just need to, like PP mentioned, write down some points and just talk to him. I was PMDD'ing bad when I posted originally . DH isn't a monster about it, just against it.

(PMDD is like PMS, only worse)

[raelize]

as a former PS teacher, unless you and your DH RIDE that principal. there is no reason that they will necessarily follow through protecting your son. that molestation is enough to prove to me that the schools could not protect my child therefore hs or private school would be the only options. molestation, even by a "peer" is not normal behavior, it is a sign that those kids were/ are being molested at home. like i said, unless you decide to camp out in the principals office, don't expect them to keep A,b, and C out of dc's classroom.
a strongly worded letter won't do it. cause they will be getting 20 other letters from parents and how can they split up those three without getting some other kids in the classes with them?
have you contacted the schoolboard about this behavior? this is serious stuff.

my DH was not on board at the beginning, because of the money issue. we have figured out a compromise ( once dd2 is older i will actively pursue teaching P/T at night at local Commuinty colleges)
but, also i am still home fulltime for at least 2 more years. i don't see why i shoudl send dd1 off. once I decided that we were homeschooling, i just made all future decisions with that in mind, and just treated it as a given that we WERE hsing. dh eventually came around. he knows that it is totally the best for our kids and that i would not budge.
so, now he's totally on board.

[MommyHawk]

Originally Posted by rachel_eva

have you contacted the schoolboard about this behavior? this is serious stuff.

I am in the middle of writing them as we speak! My letter is very long and detailed, and I'm sending it to the schoolboard, the actual school, and my state delegate. I don't know what will happen, but I can't be quite about this anymore. And I want to know what they think I can do about it.

[limette]

I think your dh should prove why your child should be in school.

Why is he the final word on the subject?

Dh and I (it's a pretty common complaint) had the same issue before we had kids. I wanted to homeschool, he said absolutely not. I dropped it.

After we had dd1 I became further convinced that homeschooling was right for us. Dh was still totally opposed. So I made him argue his point, with references. I did my research and made a decision based on that and he had to do the same. He couldn't and joined my side.