Uh oh...my kid's feeling left out...

[LunaMom]

All of a sudden, DD is asking about pop culture things that are not a part of her life. Like Spongebob Squarepants!!!

I have nothing against Spongebob (other than the fact that he has to be the UGLIEST cartoon character I have ever seen) or Dora the Explorer or any of that stuff. I've never seen either, nor have I watched Rugrats or Hey Arnold or anything like that. I'm sure I might find some of these shows objectionable and some of them just fine and appropriate.

The thing is, my DD (5) has limits on her "screen time" which includes computer usage, and as a result, doesn't even have a chance to see a lot of the programs her friends are familiar with. Even the "good" ones. She watches a couple of things on PBS (Cyberchase is her new fave), has some Magic School Bus science videos, that sort of stuff.

So she finds out about Spongebob and Dora and Power Rangers and all that stuff at school, and will join in on games other children invent based on these programs. That's fine by me.

But now she's been asking me if she can watch Spongebob sometime. It seems really important to her. She seems to be bothered by the fact that other kids know all about this and she doesn't.

My instinct is to say no, not because I have a problem with the show (as I said, I've never seen it - if she asked to watch Power Rangers I would simply say it's too violent), but because I don't want to start the whole, "My friends do this so i have to do it too" mentality.

I'm making this into a really big deal, aren't I?:

[calgal007]

Gird your loins, momma, because pop culture is an insipid and penetrating force that will buffer you from all sides continuously, then sneak up on you when you least expect it.

Depending on how tightly you control the school situation, friends, etc. that your child is exposed to, pop culture stuff will be used as a hammer to slam down the child who doesn't have access by the children who do.

For us it began as innocent questioning: "Why don't you watch Power Rangers?" or, "You don't eat at McDonalds? How come?" Now that our ds is eleven, it's, "You can't talk to us because we are talking about PlayStation and YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!!!"

Our ds is a bit of a target at his school. It's not ideal, believe me, but I won't give in on exposure to crap marketed to stupid Americans. I include things like PlayStation, Nintendo, GameBoy, super-violent movies, ridiculous TV "reality" shows, fast food, and the list goes on from there.

Your dd is still young enough that you haven't hit the real competitive years yet. Choose your school and her pals wisely. Be prepared. Keep to the path. May the force be with you. . . .

[candiland]

I, personally, have no problem with bits of exposure to things here and there. It is when things like cartoons and pop culture toys are ABUSED that makes me really cringe.

I'm sure some of the kids in her class have parents who allow toys and t.v. to babysit their children so they don't have to listen to them whine, and so they can get breaks from their kids. I mean, there are exceptions....... like, I have a headache and need a few minutes to sip some tea and zone out.... in a situation like that, I have no problem with my dd watching an appropriate show for a few minutes.

Part of me senses that you don't have a problem if it's appropriate, but you just have a problem with it because you're not living up to your ideals. Could this be the case for you?

Why don't you sit down and watch one cartoon of Squarepants together? Discuss what is appropriate, what isn't, why she thinks her friends are so fascinated by it, whatever. Give her an opportunity to choose which show she wants to watch that day: "It's either Dora or Spongebob. If you want, you can watch one today and the other tomorrow." Explain the basics of why zoning out to the t.v. isn't good for her, and leave it at that.

Making your child a target at school isn't healthy, IMO. There are ways to blend in with society that doesn't shun it altogether. Good luck to you!

[Dar]

I do think having common cultural references is part of how people make connections.

Imagine if you started reading all sorts of posts here about some great new tv series, maybe one that explored attachment parenting on some level. And there were all sorts of threads about whether it was right for JoAnn to have weaned, or was Lesley just on a nursing strike and she should have waited it out? And will Eva convince Ginger not to CIO, or will Ginger succumb to fatigue and do it? It would be hard to keep reading and not know who JoAnn and Ginger even were, and it would be natural, I think, to want to see it for yourself, since so many people you liked were really into it. It's okay to want to try things because other people are - I think it's totally natural, really.

I think it's a problem when you're trying things that you don't really want to try, just to fit it, or when you keep doing things you don't really enjoy just to fit it, or when you do things you believe are wrong just to fit in.

Dar

[khrisday]

In that situation, I woudl first watch Spongebob alone to make sure I was ok with it for my child, and then I would sit down with the TV guide and my child and see if she felt it was worth using her TV time on seeing this show. If it was, we would make a "date" to watch it together, and then she could decide if she wanted to continue using her TV time for that show or her old favorites.

[Teensy]

Beware of Spongebob. I watched some and ended up deciding that it is too violent for my 4 year old. He had been given a DVD for his birthday and we were watching it. Several things bothered me, but the clincher was a scene in which a gorillia picks up a bag with a character in it and begins slinging it over his head slamming it down on the ground repeatedly. I promptly stopped the DVD and put it in the box for Goodwill.

I've seen several episodes of Dora and it seems like a good show.

Warning aside, my suggestion: Instead of having her begin watching the tv shows (which she may want to continue to do on a regular basis), rent a video to watch as a treat on a Friday night (movie and popcorn night!).

[Marsupialmom]

We don't do Rug Rats or Sponge Bob. Sponge Bob lives on body function jokes.

We homeschool so we do not have to deal with peer pressure. Most the kids we hang around understand my mom and dad don't allow-------.

I would watch it first. Make it a movie night or pick up a book under those themes.

Now we are big Dora the Explore fans. My 9 year old still watch, just with his sisters though .