I finally have learned to let it go.
Long story short: I have a tendency to chronic pain and after an amazingly stressful few weeks (after years and years of stress and some emotional trauma) I just crashed-I know deep down it is fibromyalgia (years ago was told I was showing definite signs) I mean a total fibro attack. I will tell ya, I am not a person who admits to pain, or any sort of weakness-I'm superhuman, ya know!
But this really opened my eyes to years of symptoms that I've known, yet denied are fibro.
My friend who was supposed to be sooo there for me wasn't terribly sympathetic, (she thinks it's all blamed on my dh, which it isn't. He and I have our ups and downs but nothing to bring this on-she has always had some weird love/hate thing for him.)
I spent days on the couch really wondering how I was going to tell her how hurt I was, how I was going to just stand up to her. I fell asleep thinking about it last night and had this dream that I was 'telling her off' and in the dream she turned into my mother (try not to eyeroll!) and I made a strong connection-I do a lot to try to make her and my mom like me, yet I know deep down that I can't ask them for ANYTHING AT ALL. Nothing. yet I have to give and give and give...but I can't ask for even a moment.
I woke up and really prayed to let it go...and I am doing that. I feel freer, I'm not hurting so much today...it's a blessing. It has taken me 15 years to feel free of this horrible dynamic that was set up in so many other ways in my life.
It just felt good to realize that I don't have to play in this sort of dynamic.
Long story short: I have a tendency to chronic pain and after an amazingly stressful few weeks (after years and years of stress and some emotional trauma) I just crashed-I know deep down it is fibromyalgia (years ago was told I was showing definite signs) I mean a total fibro attack. I will tell ya, I am not a person who admits to pain, or any sort of weakness-I'm superhuman, ya know!
But this really opened my eyes to years of symptoms that I've known, yet denied are fibro.My friend who was supposed to be sooo there for me wasn't terribly sympathetic, (she thinks it's all blamed on my dh, which it isn't. He and I have our ups and downs but nothing to bring this on-she has always had some weird love/hate thing for him.)
I spent days on the couch really wondering how I was going to tell her how hurt I was, how I was going to just stand up to her. I fell asleep thinking about it last night and had this dream that I was 'telling her off' and in the dream she turned into my mother (try not to eyeroll!) and I made a strong connection-I do a lot to try to make her and my mom like me, yet I know deep down that I can't ask them for ANYTHING AT ALL. Nothing. yet I have to give and give and give...but I can't ask for even a moment.
I woke up and really prayed to let it go...and I am doing that. I feel freer, I'm not hurting so much today...it's a blessing. It has taken me 15 years to feel free of this horrible dynamic that was set up in so many other ways in my life.
It just felt good to realize that I don't have to play in this sort of dynamic.
