Response to being mocked by someone else's kid? - Page 2

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Originally Posted by Artichokie

i guess in this case, I would have stood up with my cell phone, gone over and snapped a pic of each kid (or pretended to) and said, "REALLY? because littering is illegal and comes with a hefty fine. And now I have pictures of you doing so which I'll be turning over to the police unless you pick up your mess and leave now."

That's a good idea too.

That, and, the "Hey, I've seen you somewhere... I'll have to try to rememeber.... Oh... ya.... up at the school, I rememeber your mom. I really like her...tell her I said 'hi'... well, nevermind, I'll try to give her a call today"

[hakeber]

Hey, I've seen you somewhere... I'll have to try to rememeber.... Oh... ya.... up at the school, I rememeber your mom. I really like her...tell her I said 'hi'... well, nevermind, I'll try to give her a call today.

The unfortunate truth is for a lot of kids these days, especially kids engaging in vandalism as it sounds this was from what Laohaire is saying, a call to their moms may not be a big threat...unless you really do know their moms (and as Laohaire mentioned that bluff wouldn't have flown). Could be their moms are gone from their lives, or that their moms are absentee parents, or drug addicts for that matter. You make a lot of assumptions with a line like that if you don't REALLY know them. You could very well do more damage than good, putting you into the role of the lying manipulative jerk who said she was going to call a boy's dead/disappeared mom...KWIM?

[FurElise19]

Originally Posted by Dandelionkid

Maybe you feel bad about doing it because it is the wrong thing to do. I never felt safe in one classroom growing up because of the use of sarcasm by a teacher. It was never directed at me but it still created a sense of unease. Something to think about

OP- I think you nailed it on the head when you mentioned a persons presence. I could never have budged those boys, no matter what I said, but my DH likely would have.

I know you're right.

[phathui5]

With older kids, especially boys who don't respond well right away, don't be afraid to be firm with them. My dh would have been comfortable going, "Get away from the trash can." And they probably would have said "ok" and found something else to do.

[bronxmom]

Originally Posted by hakeber

But maybe they were looking for something, otherwise why didn't they just knock the thing down or dump the containing bag over? What does it cost to ask and take an interest in a genuine non-threateniong way first?

I think it's very dangerous to believe the hype we are fed that "kids these day" are up to no good, just menacing thugs looking for a fight.

Seems to me they may just be looking for someone to give a toss and to listen.

But I wasn't there. This is all hypothetical for us, right?

ETA: You're right about peer orientation, but I think that's part of the problem. Kids these days and since forever have never felt like "peers" to older members of society, have always felt their power and their voice stifled. I believe part of the parenting philosophy here at MDC is to break that cycle of ageism and oppression, of passive violence against children in our society and to start to look for new ways to approach these situations.

ETATA: you could for example go up to where they are dumping trash and as they toss it out, pick it up with a calm demeanor and put it in a bag (I always have a spare plastic bag in my purse for rubbish or puke anyway) or back in the trash can and simply stay there cleaning up their mess until they either started talking or walked away. Just that you can also model through actions if you think words aren't getting through. It is unlikely they would physically attack you, and if you felt they would then it is warranted to call an authority for help.

Yes, I really agree with all of this. And if we're worried about peer orientation, I'm not sure how humiliating or trying to intimidate a kid in front of his peers helps. I see the response to that to to try to act "tougher" in front of their peers and it cycles up when what we were dealing with at first was a small matter that could have been calmly handled. As we say with our toddlers: "don't engage in a power struggle because it escalates unnecessarily; no one wins power struggles; and the real issue gets ignored". I think this still goes for 10 year olds. By the way, 10 year olds are still little kids and dealing with a lot of mixed emotions about growing up, proving themselves in front of others, etc. I also am not happy with the anti-boy tone of some of the responses. Youth in our society are oppressed and boys are often criminalized for normal (not saying right just normal) issues for their age.