I had a c/s with my first son,after 42 hours of labor. He was in a Deep Transverse Arrest position,so we had to do a c/s. I read the VBAC Companion before I got pregnant again and almost a year after giving birth to my first,I was pregnant again. I prepared for a VBAC and we really thought it was going to happen even hours within the eventual c/s. It was very rough after this one mentally. I can't decide if I am over it all or not. I don't dwell on it and it isn't something I even think about in the week or a month. I wanted to share my 2 birth stories,though they are long.
Daniel's Birth:
I decided on using a Certified Nurse Midwife,whom a friend of mine had used. She's a Christian lady and likes to do things naturally. I also wanted a Doula or Child Birth Assistant. I have a dear Sister who is a Doula and Midwife. She gladly wanted to work with me. I wanted a totally natural experience with little intervention as possible. Home births are illegal here in Alabama so I could not go that route. I did want to stay home as long as possible because we did not do a lot of the routine procedures or we did not want too. I did not want any medication (epidural or spinal block) and I did not want an IV hooked up. I wanted to try every position I could during the pushing process. We did not want any vaccinations given to Daniel and did not want him leaving the room without one of us. I was going to breastfeed immediately after Daniel was out and we did not want to cut the cord until it was through pumping on it's own. I was opposed to a C-section unless it was absolutely medically needed,which my CNM,Doula,and husband agreed. We had researched and got information from my CNM and Doula on all these decisions. That mixed with a lot of prayer, guided us to our decisions. They weren't popular with a lot of family,but we're trail blazers. So with all that info,we'll go into how it all begin.
Thursday the 24th of January we went to my doctor's appointment. My "due date" was on January 20th,so by some people's thoughts I was over due. I was so tense that Cindy,Certified Nurse Midwife, could not check my cervix. I hated that procedure and for some reason just could not loosen up. She had not been able to check me at all at any appointments. When it comes to pain I am a wimp. After she tried to check me, she got a call from the hospital about one of her patients in labor so she had to run. We made the appointment for next week and we went on home I think. We may have stopped for some lunch,but can't really remember. (Cindy, my CNM, had home births with all her children and delivered her last one. So I was really excited to be using her!) When we got home, we just relaxed on the futon and put our Kutless dvd in. We were actually thinking about going to pick up Mike's youngest sister,Heather, so she could spend the night with us. We never did and ended up taking a nap. We laid down at like 4:30 and at 5:30 a gush of water come flooding out. I woke up and thought oh no my water has broke! I called my Doula(child birth assistant),Tammy, and told her what was going on. She confirmed that my mucus plug had come out or was coming out. She was making her way to our apartment too. I then started having minor contractions. I wasn't scared,but just trying to relax. Mike was very helpful and supportive.
Once Tammy got to our home, the contractions become more intense. She tried to check to see if I had dilated,but I was once again too tense. She was really worried because Cindy had not been able to check me at all. Mike and her went up front and discussed it. I had no idea of course that they were worried. They both wasn't sure how I would do in the future. I remember I kept quoting Bible verses during the contractions and just praying to God for strength to endure them. Tammy stayed that night for my comfort. Tammy is also a midwife. We went to church with her at Riverside Full Gospel while we were dating and engaged. She has 7 children of her own and delivered the last one by herself with her husband's help. So I was very confident if needs be, I could have Daniel Paul at home. I did not get a lot of sleep,nor did Mike, I was having contractions off and on. I slept some in short amounts,but not a long period.
Friday my contractions slacked off and were not as hard. Tammy had to go home to check on one of her kids and she said that would be back that afternoon. Mike helped me breath through the contractions and we just prayed and prayed. Tammy made it back to our home around 3 or 4 and the contractions picked up again. All day I practiced not tensing up during contractions so that Tammy could check my cervix that afternoon. God really helped me and gave me grace. She was able to check me and I was at 6 cm. at 6 p.m. on Friday. She told me to get up and walk some. Once I did that the contractions weren't so intense. I tried to eat some,but just did not want anything. I did drink some water and juice. She had the birthing ball,which I got on and it really helped. She also suggested a warm bath. So I tried that and Mike poured water over my belly. Oh the contractions were still coming strong! Once I got out of the tub I felt like I was on a high. It was the strangest thing. I felt so good and light. That lasted for about 30 minutes. I sat on the ball again and they took turn rubbing my lower back. Oh the pain there was so much! It was freezing cold outside and it begin to rain! Around midnight Tammy checked me again and I was at 8 cm by then. We continued with the birthing ball,baths,and breathing through contractions. Writing this all out really makes me feel like I'm doing it again right now!
Around 2:30 Saturday morning we headed to the hospital. The contractions were so hard and intense. They just were not regular. Cindy was on her way too. Oh trying to make it down the stairs and to the truck while it was raining,almost sleeting was an adventure. My the pain. Who would think such a little baby could bring all that pain on? We finally got in the truck and on the way to the hospital. There were some problems at the desk. Ugh, I was just ready to see Cindy. They got me a wheel chair,but it hurt to sit. So I walked half of the way and rode the other half. They were shocked I was walking! We made it to the room and went over the birth plan with the lady in there. Nurse I guess,she wasn't mine though. We made sure that what we suggested would be respected and we had no problem. She asked me to pee in a cup and I tried,but I just could not urinate. Oh I was hurting too! Cindy made it in there and I was so happy! We only had Cindy,Tammy,Mike,and Maryann,the nurse. Cindy advised me not to pee in the cup. It was going to be almost $250 and Cindy said I did not need too. I walked and sat on the birthing ball over and over. We knew before hand that Daniel was in the face up position and had not turned. Cindy and Tammy both said I could deliver that way,it just may hurt more. Cindy had me lay down so she could check me and I was still at 8 cm. My water was still intact also. Cindy was worried about me up till this point. She told Mike she just wasn't sure how much I could handle. I just kept praying for God's strength and His mercy.
They figured out laying down made my contractions harder,so they had me lay on my sides. They were trying to get Daniel to come down with harder contractions and maybe turn. He was pretty high still. They went on for hours. They were laying hands on my belly and praying for God's will to be done. It was really amazing! His presence was so strong in that room it was unbelievable! Who knew a labor and delivery could be that way? I imagined that's what God had in mind all along. My sweet husband did so good! He was coaching me on and helping me breath too! They all took turns rubbing my back. I was so proud of Mike! He thought he would be scared,but I knew better. With all the training he did in Patrol Academy,I knew he would be prepared for this. I want to bottle up that time in the delivery room and never let it go. It was truly a wonderful experience! They tried to turn him from the inside and out,but it was not working. We kept praying God's will be done and for us to be safe. So around 10 that morning we were having to make some decisions. I had been laboring since 5:30 Thursday. They all saw I was wearing down and I can't remember everything due to that. Cindy wanted to either break my water or get an epidural which would lead to pitocin. We were dead set against that. We both knew I could not handle the hard,abnormal contractions. She left the room for us to talk. Tammy stayed in there with us. I just didn't know what to do. Mike knew something had to be soon because Daniel was not coming down for some reason and I was wearing down. I mean what was I supposed to do? I just wanted to have Daniel natural and my dream of that was not happening right now.
We decided to try for breaking my water. Right as Cindy tried to do so,it broke! It came gushing out! The contractions just weren't regular,but they were hard. I had the urge to push not long after my water broke. I used the birthing bar,the birthing stool,hands in chest position,squatting position,and I think that's all. Oh to push,felt so good! Mike was right there with me! At 1
o Cindy said we needed to go with a C-section. She was so upset about it because she knew how badly I did not want one. She teared up some,but Mike had made the decision. He knew I couldn't handle much more and he wanted me to be safe too. I never verbally said yes,my pride would not let me. I did shake my head and knew that God would take care of us. Forrest, he would give the spinal block, came in and talked to me about it. He was very nice. I had to try and sign the paper! I'm in the middle of contractions and just shaking my head. I'm thinking, hello I don't care, if you're going to do something,then do it! Then, the 2 surgeons come in, Dr. Clarke and Dr. Taylor. They introduced themselves and told me I was in good hands. They were very nice and comforting. They wanted to put me in the wheel chair to go to the operating room,but I just couldn't sit. So I walked,yes walked. Oh it was painful that way too! I just couldn't sit down. Cindy and Mike had me by the arm and Tammy was behind me. I finally made it there and they were all shocked. I thought secretly thanks Adam and Eve,ha! Mike waited outside while they prepped me for surgery.
They put me on the table to do the spinal block. I just couldn't stop shaking because of contractions. It was crazy really! Cindy finally just pulled me to her and pushed me down in a bend position,so Forrest could do the spinal block. Right as he went to do it I thought I felt Daniel coming down,so Cindy checked me really quick,but it wasn't him. Finally, he got the spinal block in and within minutes I was numb. I was glad,but still my mind was racing. I just wanted it to be over with. They let Mike in and he sat beside me,as did Forrest. They begin the surgery. I really don't know how they did it (in detail) and I do not want to know. I am a wimp when it comes to this kind of stuff seriously. I can't stand blood,needles,or anything medically related. Forrest was talking to me the whole time along with Mike. He was such a good guy! I felt them tug and he asked if I could feel that? I replied with Oh yes. So he cranked up more medicine! I started hemorrhaging during surgery Mike said. Thankfully, I was okay. I heard Daniel Paul cry and I knew it was over! They weighed him really quick and measured him. He was 9 lbs 3 oz and 21 inches long. They brought him over to us and he was so cute! He had a head full of black hair and piercing blue eyes. They finished me up and sent me to my room. Cindy and Tammy were there and they latched Daniel on to breastfeed! He fed for 55 minutes. I was in and out of it though. Family was there and they got to see Daniel too. It wasn't what I thought was going to happen,but it was definately how God had it planned. There's not a doubt in my mind now. As it says in Psalm 18:30 As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
It was a rough recovery,but God helped me. Mike took care of Daniel the whole time in the hospital. I was twice as sore as most women are since I labored 42 hours,then had a C-section. He did so good too! He took care of us both. It was a very intimate time and I treasure it. I love my husband so much! We made it home after 3 days in the hospital. Daniel continued to breastfeed,despite some problems with me. I had a time with breastfeeding. We found out a few days after Daniel got here I had inverted nipples. So I got a nipple shield and used it. My milk finally came. It was only God Daniel did not loose more weight than he already had. We decided not to have him circumcised either. He came here just how he was in the womb. No shots or no cuts. When he turned 2 months we had to put him on goat's milk to help him gain weight. He still drinks it too! He's a thriving,healthy,fun little baby boy.
So all in all, I labored 42 hours. I labored 31 hours at home and 11 hours at the hospital. It was such a great experience. I didn't get the vaginal birth I hoped for,but I did do all the things I wanted to be able to do. Next time I won't be so stubborn. Although, I'm reading a book about VBAC's and really want to do that. I'll still use the same 2 women I did because it was totally God I had them. They said Daniel was in a deep tranversial position. I just know God had it planned how He wanted it. It says in Proverbs 16:9 A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.
Aaron's Birth:
Thursday I started having contractions early in the morning around 3 that were getting a pattern to them. For the last few days it had been off and on with contractions,but nothing staying consistent at all. I had an appointment with Cindy that morning at 10 and was hoping something would start happening soon! I just was ready to start labor and have my Aaron here! When Cindy checked me she said I was at 2 cnm and very soft. She said it won't be long and she expected him by the weekend! Contractions were getting stronger and more consistent too. When we got home I ate a good meal and tried to lay down. I could't sleep or lay through the contractions though. So I got in the shower and then I let Tammy know I wanted her to come down that afternoon. I was so hungry too,I think I ate like 5 different small meals before 7 that night! I was drinking so much water that I was peeing so much too. It was very different from my labor with Daniel. I think Tammy checked me around 5 or so and I was at 5 cnm and Aaron was still looking to my right. The contractions really started coming on then. Wow. I definitely remembered what they felt like and that these were the real thing. The back labor was horrible. Tammy and Mike would put pressure on my back during them and I just breathed through them. It was bad though. Daniel was playing and not paying me-in pain- any attention. We let Robyn know we would need her that night and to be ready to come. No position really helped with the contractions. I would just lean over the bar and they would press on my back while I breathed through them and prayed God please help me. I think it was around 9 that Tammy checked me again and I was at 7 cnm with a good size bag of water. I was starting to get chills by this time and Tammy said to let Robyn know to come on down so we could get going to the hospital. So we got the last minute things together and Daniel was asleep by now. I just don't remember how he got there,I know Mike did it,but I was so focused I can't remember even now. Oh the contractions were getting harder and harder. Robyn made it there by 10 and we ended up leaving about 11 or so. Thank goodness the ride there wasn't that bad and that we live like 15 minutes from USA. They got me right in a room and Cindy was on her way too. I got changed and they had me signing different things and going over my birth plan. Our nurse,Mary Ellen, was great too! She came in once when I was in labor with Daniel I remember. They didn't do an immediate IV,but whatever that is they put in your hand so in case they need one for emergency. By this time I was beginning to vocalize and internalize. It was really weird too. Cindy made it in like 20-30 minutes,she lives about 30-40 minutes from USA. She told us she knew we'd be coming back so she took a nap and filled up her gas tank. A little later she wanted to check me and see how things were. I was at like 8 cnm,but some cervix was still in the way they kept saying. He had turned back completely posterior too. I don't remember everything from this point. I was very focused on contractions and just making it through them. I'm telling you if women did remember the pain of them I don't think the world would be populated as much. They hurt so bad. Cindy checked again sometime and broke my water by accident. Wow, I had a lot too. After that happened, it took like 45 minutes and I started having strong urges to push. They would check me during that and it actually didn't feel too bad. Some cervix was still in the way,but they thought getting me in different positions would help it move and Aaron to come down more. They could actually see his head and that he had dark hair! I was so excited and just knew I was going to have him soon! So I got on the birthing stool some,squatted some,did hands and elbows on the bed,and walked some. MY goodness the urge to push was crazy. I never had that sort of urge with Daniel. I was feeling pressure from his head too somewhere. When they told me to get on my hands and elbows or chest I told them I just can't do that. Well, I did with their help,but my gosh it was hard. They had to put pressure on my back too,it was so painful. I then laid on my back and pulled my knees up so they could check me. All 3 of them did,but the cervix just wasn't moving. They all really thought I would have him vaginally,you could hear it in their voice and see it on their face. Tammy told me once, "Heather, you'll have Aaron in your arms soon." I thought thank God,this hurts! I pushed for about 2 hours I think. I was starting to swell down there,but not to the point of danger. Mike was doing great too. He kept encouraging me,but it was very hard for him to see me in that sort of pain. They let him see Aaron's head and he was amazed. But he said he thought they were going to kill me when they were checking me trying to figure out why the cervix wouldn't move. When they figured out he just wasn't coming they got another nurse to come in and check me. Tammy told me I'm so sorry Heather,but your pubic bone is flat he isn't going to come out with his size and position. I mean what else was there to do? I had labored almost 10 hours hard. Cindy suggested 2 things: We could try an epi so I could rest some and mabye he would turn or we could just go with a c/s. They both said there was no promising he would turn and it would work,but we could try. So Cindy and Mary Ellen left the room,while Tammy stayed in there with us. I wanted to cry so bad,but I was hurting so bad and pushing so hard I couldn't. I thought all my labor and hard work,but not the outcome again I wanted and really everyone expected this time. Tammy and Cindy got pretty emotional when they were telling me that we had to do one of the two options. The whole time there they kept telling me how good I was doing and how I was a great laboring woman. Like I said up till about 3 or 4 they had no clue it wasn't going to work vaginally. It was pretty much a shock to them all I think and upsetting. Mike said he would rather go with the c/s and Tammy said she thought that would be best. I thought about it and I didn't want to continue to push and damage myself (I had no clue at the time my uterus was torn to pieces) only to end up with a c/s,but not be awake. So I said let's get a spinal and do the c/s. I knew I had done all I could do,I really did. Why it did not work out I have no clue. I have asked God and no answer,I may never get one. But I can feel good that I did try and I stuck with my convictions even though it hurt like heck. I would do it all over again too,even knowing the outcome. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though. Once I made that decision I wanted relief and I wanted it now. I didn't get mean,but I kept asking when they were going to stop the pain. Finally, about 30 minutes later they got me to the surgery room. Those contractions were right on top of each other too,I know I scared some people. I wasn't screaming,but I was moaning and trying to just make it. Thankfully, they got the spinal block taken care of and got surgery started. I was a lot more alert this time and I was scared too. I hated the thought of them cutting me open,through 5 layers of tissue. Tammy was in there with us. She was my "sister" for the time being. Mike was right there with me too. The guy who did the spinal was funny and kept me laughing a lot. I realized I was tired,but I never went to sleep,it wasn't like it was with Daniel. Then, I heard a cry and I knew my baby was okay! They all told me I had a linebacker! I knew he was big,but not sure how big. He was 9 lbs 10 oz and 22 inches long. Not eating sweets and drinking sodas constantly didn't help him,but it sure helped me! I think I'll just have big babies,which is fine with me,as long as they are healthy! It took them awhile to sew me back up. I did remember with Daniel it went faster,so I was praying nothing was wrong. The head Dr. doing the surgery,Dr. Brooks, ticked me off too. She asked us if we were planning on having more children? I thought that's an odd question. We told her we weren't sure,but ultimately God was the only one who knew. She said, "If you do,you need to come in at 39 weeks for a scheduled c/s and do not labor at all." I told her I would do it all over again just the same. She then said "Don't do it while I'm here then." Okay,how rude. She didn't say anything about why she said that obviously I guess they have to wait till later? They finally finished with the surgery and moved me to the recovery room. I got to see Aaron while they were sewing me up. He looked just like Daniel did,it was unreal!! He was definitely a chunk too! He was hungry too,I kept telling him that Momma was going to feed him. Once we got to the recovery room,Cindy and Tammy finally got him latched on. He fed for an hour and 15 minutes! The downhill slide started here. I'll stop here and continue with another entry on the stay and days following. I am very glad the interventions are available,but I did not think I would need it this time. God has been healing me and I'll talk about that too. I'm glad Aaron got the benefit of labor and wasn't rushed off to have oxygen b/c of meds I put in my body. He was perfect when he came out,with a perfect color. I know I did my best and God has reasons for some things. Like I told Him the other day, the only thing I can say is this is for Your Glory,though I do not understand. It's been very emotional mentally,almost more than I could handle. Without Mike and Tammy being able to talk with I would be a basket case. I may never know why I could not vaginally birth my 2 boys though I feel it is the best way and the way God intended. All I can do is say okay God You know best and bring glory to Yourself through this. How will He? I have no clue. Maybe I can minister to women who want a vaginal birth,but don't get them. I do know I am thankful I have Aaron here and he is very healthy. I love Daniel and Aaron so much and I would do both labors all over again just for them. Like one song says, "I don't understand Your ways,but oh I will give You my pain. Cause with it You are drawing me closer,drawing me into Your ways."
I would love more children,but I just do not think I can go through another c/s or failed VBAC. Really. I almost lost it after Aaron. It was just so draining. Anyone else experience this?
Daniel's Birth:
I decided on using a Certified Nurse Midwife,whom a friend of mine had used. She's a Christian lady and likes to do things naturally. I also wanted a Doula or Child Birth Assistant. I have a dear Sister who is a Doula and Midwife. She gladly wanted to work with me. I wanted a totally natural experience with little intervention as possible. Home births are illegal here in Alabama so I could not go that route. I did want to stay home as long as possible because we did not do a lot of the routine procedures or we did not want too. I did not want any medication (epidural or spinal block) and I did not want an IV hooked up. I wanted to try every position I could during the pushing process. We did not want any vaccinations given to Daniel and did not want him leaving the room without one of us. I was going to breastfeed immediately after Daniel was out and we did not want to cut the cord until it was through pumping on it's own. I was opposed to a C-section unless it was absolutely medically needed,which my CNM,Doula,and husband agreed. We had researched and got information from my CNM and Doula on all these decisions. That mixed with a lot of prayer, guided us to our decisions. They weren't popular with a lot of family,but we're trail blazers. So with all that info,we'll go into how it all begin.
Thursday the 24th of January we went to my doctor's appointment. My "due date" was on January 20th,so by some people's thoughts I was over due. I was so tense that Cindy,Certified Nurse Midwife, could not check my cervix. I hated that procedure and for some reason just could not loosen up. She had not been able to check me at all at any appointments. When it comes to pain I am a wimp. After she tried to check me, she got a call from the hospital about one of her patients in labor so she had to run. We made the appointment for next week and we went on home I think. We may have stopped for some lunch,but can't really remember. (Cindy, my CNM, had home births with all her children and delivered her last one. So I was really excited to be using her!) When we got home, we just relaxed on the futon and put our Kutless dvd in. We were actually thinking about going to pick up Mike's youngest sister,Heather, so she could spend the night with us. We never did and ended up taking a nap. We laid down at like 4:30 and at 5:30 a gush of water come flooding out. I woke up and thought oh no my water has broke! I called my Doula(child birth assistant),Tammy, and told her what was going on. She confirmed that my mucus plug had come out or was coming out. She was making her way to our apartment too. I then started having minor contractions. I wasn't scared,but just trying to relax. Mike was very helpful and supportive.
Once Tammy got to our home, the contractions become more intense. She tried to check to see if I had dilated,but I was once again too tense. She was really worried because Cindy had not been able to check me at all. Mike and her went up front and discussed it. I had no idea of course that they were worried. They both wasn't sure how I would do in the future. I remember I kept quoting Bible verses during the contractions and just praying to God for strength to endure them. Tammy stayed that night for my comfort. Tammy is also a midwife. We went to church with her at Riverside Full Gospel while we were dating and engaged. She has 7 children of her own and delivered the last one by herself with her husband's help. So I was very confident if needs be, I could have Daniel Paul at home. I did not get a lot of sleep,nor did Mike, I was having contractions off and on. I slept some in short amounts,but not a long period.
Friday my contractions slacked off and were not as hard. Tammy had to go home to check on one of her kids and she said that would be back that afternoon. Mike helped me breath through the contractions and we just prayed and prayed. Tammy made it back to our home around 3 or 4 and the contractions picked up again. All day I practiced not tensing up during contractions so that Tammy could check my cervix that afternoon. God really helped me and gave me grace. She was able to check me and I was at 6 cm. at 6 p.m. on Friday. She told me to get up and walk some. Once I did that the contractions weren't so intense. I tried to eat some,but just did not want anything. I did drink some water and juice. She had the birthing ball,which I got on and it really helped. She also suggested a warm bath. So I tried that and Mike poured water over my belly. Oh the contractions were still coming strong! Once I got out of the tub I felt like I was on a high. It was the strangest thing. I felt so good and light. That lasted for about 30 minutes. I sat on the ball again and they took turn rubbing my lower back. Oh the pain there was so much! It was freezing cold outside and it begin to rain! Around midnight Tammy checked me again and I was at 8 cm by then. We continued with the birthing ball,baths,and breathing through contractions. Writing this all out really makes me feel like I'm doing it again right now!
Around 2:30 Saturday morning we headed to the hospital. The contractions were so hard and intense. They just were not regular. Cindy was on her way too. Oh trying to make it down the stairs and to the truck while it was raining,almost sleeting was an adventure. My the pain. Who would think such a little baby could bring all that pain on? We finally got in the truck and on the way to the hospital. There were some problems at the desk. Ugh, I was just ready to see Cindy. They got me a wheel chair,but it hurt to sit. So I walked half of the way and rode the other half. They were shocked I was walking! We made it to the room and went over the birth plan with the lady in there. Nurse I guess,she wasn't mine though. We made sure that what we suggested would be respected and we had no problem. She asked me to pee in a cup and I tried,but I just could not urinate. Oh I was hurting too! Cindy made it in there and I was so happy! We only had Cindy,Tammy,Mike,and Maryann,the nurse. Cindy advised me not to pee in the cup. It was going to be almost $250 and Cindy said I did not need too. I walked and sat on the birthing ball over and over. We knew before hand that Daniel was in the face up position and had not turned. Cindy and Tammy both said I could deliver that way,it just may hurt more. Cindy had me lay down so she could check me and I was still at 8 cm. My water was still intact also. Cindy was worried about me up till this point. She told Mike she just wasn't sure how much I could handle. I just kept praying for God's strength and His mercy.
They figured out laying down made my contractions harder,so they had me lay on my sides. They were trying to get Daniel to come down with harder contractions and maybe turn. He was pretty high still. They went on for hours. They were laying hands on my belly and praying for God's will to be done. It was really amazing! His presence was so strong in that room it was unbelievable! Who knew a labor and delivery could be that way? I imagined that's what God had in mind all along. My sweet husband did so good! He was coaching me on and helping me breath too! They all took turns rubbing my back. I was so proud of Mike! He thought he would be scared,but I knew better. With all the training he did in Patrol Academy,I knew he would be prepared for this. I want to bottle up that time in the delivery room and never let it go. It was truly a wonderful experience! They tried to turn him from the inside and out,but it was not working. We kept praying God's will be done and for us to be safe. So around 10 that morning we were having to make some decisions. I had been laboring since 5:30 Thursday. They all saw I was wearing down and I can't remember everything due to that. Cindy wanted to either break my water or get an epidural which would lead to pitocin. We were dead set against that. We both knew I could not handle the hard,abnormal contractions. She left the room for us to talk. Tammy stayed in there with us. I just didn't know what to do. Mike knew something had to be soon because Daniel was not coming down for some reason and I was wearing down. I mean what was I supposed to do? I just wanted to have Daniel natural and my dream of that was not happening right now.
We decided to try for breaking my water. Right as Cindy tried to do so,it broke! It came gushing out! The contractions just weren't regular,but they were hard. I had the urge to push not long after my water broke. I used the birthing bar,the birthing stool,hands in chest position,squatting position,and I think that's all. Oh to push,felt so good! Mike was right there with me! At 1
o Cindy said we needed to go with a C-section. She was so upset about it because she knew how badly I did not want one. She teared up some,but Mike had made the decision. He knew I couldn't handle much more and he wanted me to be safe too. I never verbally said yes,my pride would not let me. I did shake my head and knew that God would take care of us. Forrest, he would give the spinal block, came in and talked to me about it. He was very nice. I had to try and sign the paper! I'm in the middle of contractions and just shaking my head. I'm thinking, hello I don't care, if you're going to do something,then do it! Then, the 2 surgeons come in, Dr. Clarke and Dr. Taylor. They introduced themselves and told me I was in good hands. They were very nice and comforting. They wanted to put me in the wheel chair to go to the operating room,but I just couldn't sit. So I walked,yes walked. Oh it was painful that way too! I just couldn't sit down. Cindy and Mike had me by the arm and Tammy was behind me. I finally made it there and they were all shocked. I thought secretly thanks Adam and Eve,ha! Mike waited outside while they prepped me for surgery.They put me on the table to do the spinal block. I just couldn't stop shaking because of contractions. It was crazy really! Cindy finally just pulled me to her and pushed me down in a bend position,so Forrest could do the spinal block. Right as he went to do it I thought I felt Daniel coming down,so Cindy checked me really quick,but it wasn't him. Finally, he got the spinal block in and within minutes I was numb. I was glad,but still my mind was racing. I just wanted it to be over with. They let Mike in and he sat beside me,as did Forrest. They begin the surgery. I really don't know how they did it (in detail) and I do not want to know. I am a wimp when it comes to this kind of stuff seriously. I can't stand blood,needles,or anything medically related. Forrest was talking to me the whole time along with Mike. He was such a good guy! I felt them tug and he asked if I could feel that? I replied with Oh yes. So he cranked up more medicine! I started hemorrhaging during surgery Mike said. Thankfully, I was okay. I heard Daniel Paul cry and I knew it was over! They weighed him really quick and measured him. He was 9 lbs 3 oz and 21 inches long. They brought him over to us and he was so cute! He had a head full of black hair and piercing blue eyes. They finished me up and sent me to my room. Cindy and Tammy were there and they latched Daniel on to breastfeed! He fed for 55 minutes. I was in and out of it though. Family was there and they got to see Daniel too. It wasn't what I thought was going to happen,but it was definately how God had it planned. There's not a doubt in my mind now. As it says in Psalm 18:30 As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
It was a rough recovery,but God helped me. Mike took care of Daniel the whole time in the hospital. I was twice as sore as most women are since I labored 42 hours,then had a C-section. He did so good too! He took care of us both. It was a very intimate time and I treasure it. I love my husband so much! We made it home after 3 days in the hospital. Daniel continued to breastfeed,despite some problems with me. I had a time with breastfeeding. We found out a few days after Daniel got here I had inverted nipples. So I got a nipple shield and used it. My milk finally came. It was only God Daniel did not loose more weight than he already had. We decided not to have him circumcised either. He came here just how he was in the womb. No shots or no cuts. When he turned 2 months we had to put him on goat's milk to help him gain weight. He still drinks it too! He's a thriving,healthy,fun little baby boy.
So all in all, I labored 42 hours. I labored 31 hours at home and 11 hours at the hospital. It was such a great experience. I didn't get the vaginal birth I hoped for,but I did do all the things I wanted to be able to do. Next time I won't be so stubborn. Although, I'm reading a book about VBAC's and really want to do that. I'll still use the same 2 women I did because it was totally God I had them. They said Daniel was in a deep tranversial position. I just know God had it planned how He wanted it. It says in Proverbs 16:9 A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.
Aaron's Birth:
Thursday I started having contractions early in the morning around 3 that were getting a pattern to them. For the last few days it had been off and on with contractions,but nothing staying consistent at all. I had an appointment with Cindy that morning at 10 and was hoping something would start happening soon! I just was ready to start labor and have my Aaron here! When Cindy checked me she said I was at 2 cnm and very soft. She said it won't be long and she expected him by the weekend! Contractions were getting stronger and more consistent too. When we got home I ate a good meal and tried to lay down. I could't sleep or lay through the contractions though. So I got in the shower and then I let Tammy know I wanted her to come down that afternoon. I was so hungry too,I think I ate like 5 different small meals before 7 that night! I was drinking so much water that I was peeing so much too. It was very different from my labor with Daniel. I think Tammy checked me around 5 or so and I was at 5 cnm and Aaron was still looking to my right. The contractions really started coming on then. Wow. I definitely remembered what they felt like and that these were the real thing. The back labor was horrible. Tammy and Mike would put pressure on my back during them and I just breathed through them. It was bad though. Daniel was playing and not paying me-in pain- any attention. We let Robyn know we would need her that night and to be ready to come. No position really helped with the contractions. I would just lean over the bar and they would press on my back while I breathed through them and prayed God please help me. I think it was around 9 that Tammy checked me again and I was at 7 cnm with a good size bag of water. I was starting to get chills by this time and Tammy said to let Robyn know to come on down so we could get going to the hospital. So we got the last minute things together and Daniel was asleep by now. I just don't remember how he got there,I know Mike did it,but I was so focused I can't remember even now. Oh the contractions were getting harder and harder. Robyn made it there by 10 and we ended up leaving about 11 or so. Thank goodness the ride there wasn't that bad and that we live like 15 minutes from USA. They got me right in a room and Cindy was on her way too. I got changed and they had me signing different things and going over my birth plan. Our nurse,Mary Ellen, was great too! She came in once when I was in labor with Daniel I remember. They didn't do an immediate IV,but whatever that is they put in your hand so in case they need one for emergency. By this time I was beginning to vocalize and internalize. It was really weird too. Cindy made it in like 20-30 minutes,she lives about 30-40 minutes from USA. She told us she knew we'd be coming back so she took a nap and filled up her gas tank. A little later she wanted to check me and see how things were. I was at like 8 cnm,but some cervix was still in the way they kept saying. He had turned back completely posterior too. I don't remember everything from this point. I was very focused on contractions and just making it through them. I'm telling you if women did remember the pain of them I don't think the world would be populated as much. They hurt so bad. Cindy checked again sometime and broke my water by accident. Wow, I had a lot too. After that happened, it took like 45 minutes and I started having strong urges to push. They would check me during that and it actually didn't feel too bad. Some cervix was still in the way,but they thought getting me in different positions would help it move and Aaron to come down more. They could actually see his head and that he had dark hair! I was so excited and just knew I was going to have him soon! So I got on the birthing stool some,squatted some,did hands and elbows on the bed,and walked some. MY goodness the urge to push was crazy. I never had that sort of urge with Daniel. I was feeling pressure from his head too somewhere. When they told me to get on my hands and elbows or chest I told them I just can't do that. Well, I did with their help,but my gosh it was hard. They had to put pressure on my back too,it was so painful. I then laid on my back and pulled my knees up so they could check me. All 3 of them did,but the cervix just wasn't moving. They all really thought I would have him vaginally,you could hear it in their voice and see it on their face. Tammy told me once, "Heather, you'll have Aaron in your arms soon." I thought thank God,this hurts! I pushed for about 2 hours I think. I was starting to swell down there,but not to the point of danger. Mike was doing great too. He kept encouraging me,but it was very hard for him to see me in that sort of pain. They let him see Aaron's head and he was amazed. But he said he thought they were going to kill me when they were checking me trying to figure out why the cervix wouldn't move. When they figured out he just wasn't coming they got another nurse to come in and check me. Tammy told me I'm so sorry Heather,but your pubic bone is flat he isn't going to come out with his size and position. I mean what else was there to do? I had labored almost 10 hours hard. Cindy suggested 2 things: We could try an epi so I could rest some and mabye he would turn or we could just go with a c/s. They both said there was no promising he would turn and it would work,but we could try. So Cindy and Mary Ellen left the room,while Tammy stayed in there with us. I wanted to cry so bad,but I was hurting so bad and pushing so hard I couldn't. I thought all my labor and hard work,but not the outcome again I wanted and really everyone expected this time. Tammy and Cindy got pretty emotional when they were telling me that we had to do one of the two options. The whole time there they kept telling me how good I was doing and how I was a great laboring woman. Like I said up till about 3 or 4 they had no clue it wasn't going to work vaginally. It was pretty much a shock to them all I think and upsetting. Mike said he would rather go with the c/s and Tammy said she thought that would be best. I thought about it and I didn't want to continue to push and damage myself (I had no clue at the time my uterus was torn to pieces) only to end up with a c/s,but not be awake. So I said let's get a spinal and do the c/s. I knew I had done all I could do,I really did. Why it did not work out I have no clue. I have asked God and no answer,I may never get one. But I can feel good that I did try and I stuck with my convictions even though it hurt like heck. I would do it all over again too,even knowing the outcome. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though. Once I made that decision I wanted relief and I wanted it now. I didn't get mean,but I kept asking when they were going to stop the pain. Finally, about 30 minutes later they got me to the surgery room. Those contractions were right on top of each other too,I know I scared some people. I wasn't screaming,but I was moaning and trying to just make it. Thankfully, they got the spinal block taken care of and got surgery started. I was a lot more alert this time and I was scared too. I hated the thought of them cutting me open,through 5 layers of tissue. Tammy was in there with us. She was my "sister" for the time being. Mike was right there with me too. The guy who did the spinal was funny and kept me laughing a lot. I realized I was tired,but I never went to sleep,it wasn't like it was with Daniel. Then, I heard a cry and I knew my baby was okay! They all told me I had a linebacker! I knew he was big,but not sure how big. He was 9 lbs 10 oz and 22 inches long. Not eating sweets and drinking sodas constantly didn't help him,but it sure helped me! I think I'll just have big babies,which is fine with me,as long as they are healthy! It took them awhile to sew me back up. I did remember with Daniel it went faster,so I was praying nothing was wrong. The head Dr. doing the surgery,Dr. Brooks, ticked me off too. She asked us if we were planning on having more children? I thought that's an odd question. We told her we weren't sure,but ultimately God was the only one who knew. She said, "If you do,you need to come in at 39 weeks for a scheduled c/s and do not labor at all." I told her I would do it all over again just the same. She then said "Don't do it while I'm here then." Okay,how rude. She didn't say anything about why she said that obviously I guess they have to wait till later? They finally finished with the surgery and moved me to the recovery room. I got to see Aaron while they were sewing me up. He looked just like Daniel did,it was unreal!! He was definitely a chunk too! He was hungry too,I kept telling him that Momma was going to feed him. Once we got to the recovery room,Cindy and Tammy finally got him latched on. He fed for an hour and 15 minutes! The downhill slide started here. I'll stop here and continue with another entry on the stay and days following. I am very glad the interventions are available,but I did not think I would need it this time. God has been healing me and I'll talk about that too. I'm glad Aaron got the benefit of labor and wasn't rushed off to have oxygen b/c of meds I put in my body. He was perfect when he came out,with a perfect color. I know I did my best and God has reasons for some things. Like I told Him the other day, the only thing I can say is this is for Your Glory,though I do not understand. It's been very emotional mentally,almost more than I could handle. Without Mike and Tammy being able to talk with I would be a basket case. I may never know why I could not vaginally birth my 2 boys though I feel it is the best way and the way God intended. All I can do is say okay God You know best and bring glory to Yourself through this. How will He? I have no clue. Maybe I can minister to women who want a vaginal birth,but don't get them. I do know I am thankful I have Aaron here and he is very healthy. I love Daniel and Aaron so much and I would do both labors all over again just for them. Like one song says, "I don't understand Your ways,but oh I will give You my pain. Cause with it You are drawing me closer,drawing me into Your ways."
I would love more children,but I just do not think I can go through another c/s or failed VBAC. Really. I almost lost it after Aaron. It was just so draining. Anyone else experience this?
What a journey you've been on.
