PLEASE tell me your how to make bedtime pleasant!

[Nansense]

5yo & almost 4yo..... they just will not go to bed. Maybe it's the later daylight skies? I need more ideas! During dinner, I tell them the plan: after dinner you have xx minutes to play or watch a short movie. Then at 8:00 we'll brush teetth, potty and get into bed. I give them plenty of warnings (I've found this works best). They climb into bed and are faily quiet for about 5 minutes, then they get louder & louder, start playing and running out to ask me something, etc...

We go through this e.v.e.r.y night!! After a few times of coming out, I speak to them. They quiet down a little, then they get louder again. It's a vicious cycle that builds to me yelling at them. And that's NOT how I want bedtime. I talk to them about how nice it would be to have "good" bedtimes, etc...

Maybe they just can't get to sleep until 10pm? I'm SO tired of fighting it, but at the same time I want - NEED my quiet-off duty time. Yes, I've talked to them during the day about how they want bedtimes to be; yes, I've ignored it; yes, I'vetaken toys out of the room; I've sat in the room until they fall asleep; I've even tried letting them stay up and play or watch a movie for as long as they want hoping they'll self-regulate themselves.

I need better ideas ladies!! Thanks!!

[cappuccinosmom]

Possibly because we've done this from early on, I've not had a problem like this with my kids. What we do for bedtime is the normal teeth brushing, cloth changing, etc. Then they all get in bed, and I read to them, we do devotionals and prayers, and usually have a nice chat about their day. If it's daylight out, I let them take a book or two to bed, and before I leave I put on a CD with a nice long story (40-60 minutes).

However, if one or more of them started having a problem with staying in bed, I'd block out a week or two on the calendar, get comfy chair and a good book, and camp outside their room in the evenings so that bouncing them back into bed was immediate and not drawn out. It could be done in a perfectly pleasant way--a kind but firm response, and being sent back to bed. If you plan on it taking a while, and plan on sitting there with your book and assume that they're going to test the arrangement out, you won't be as stressed and you'll be less likely to blow your top.

You could let them stay up later. It really would depend on your kids. With my kids, I wouldn't, because they have no idea how obvious it is when they're tired and what a difference it makes in their emotions when they go to bed when I send them.

[Drummer's Wife]

If they aren't tired, they aren't tired so I would push bedtime back a bit and see if it goes smoother. At 8:00 my kids are usually still playing outside or we are eating dinner - so I know it would be hard to get them to settle down and go to sleep then. We actually don't have a set bedtime, and so it's not really an issue - but they also sleep in late so I could get up early if I want peace and quiet, or DH and I stay up a couple hours after them (we are night owls, so it works out).

Other than a later bedtime during the summer, I don't really have any advice.

Good luck!

[CarrieMF]

Do they nap still?

Are they in the same bedroom?

I agree with giving them a book or something. My kids(8, 9 & 11) go to bed at 8 during the school year. In the summer/holidays they stay up until 9, except the 11yo she usually stays up much later(and sleeps in, the other 2 have zero concept of sleeping in past 6:30-7am). They are allowed to read or play in their beds.

If they are allowed to play quietly in their beds they they "stay up" but I also get my "me, quiet" time. If they get up too many times for a drink(which they no longer do and I consider more than 2 too many) then they get a stern no more, if they get up for another drink they have to go straight to sleep.

[ssh]

My 4.5 year old has to be awake for 13 to 14 hours before she can go to sleep, then she sleeps 10 hours. In the summer she's still outside at 7 or 8 sometimes. Her bedtime is between 10 and 11:30 in the summer and she gets up by 9:30. During the school year she goes to bed between 9:30 and 10:30 and is up by 8:30. I'm sure the extended daylight has a lot to do with it. We even eat later on hotter days. If i want to change her bedtime I have to wake her up earlier than her normal amount of sleep. Some one else mentioned getting up for water. My DD likes having her steel drink container in her room with iced water in it.

Have you observed when your DDs actually go to sleep, and how many hours they do sleep per day? That could help you with bedtime decisions.

[momtoTnT]

My kids go to bed really early (they are almost 5 and just turned 6 yo) - like 7:30 - regardless of summer/school/weekend etc. If they stay up later, they wake up much earlier (like at 5:15 in the morning vs. 6:30). I can't imagine having them up until 9 or 10 on a regular basis! That's my bedtime

Is it dark in their room? We've hung sheets/dark blankets over the windows until I can get some black out shades. Are they still napping (maybe cut a nap out/or wake them sooner?)? What time do they get up in the morning - is it practical to wake them up earlier so they go to bed earlier?

We also do dinner/bath/stories/drink of water/music/sleep. They usually talk/goof around for a few minutes but then they fall asleep. It seldom goes on longer than 15 minutes or so.

[Pavlovs]

That sounds so frustrating, mama! With my son, I'm pretty strict about after-dinner time. There is no TV/computer/Wii and in general he must begin to settle his body down. He can play, but not run around with his usual amount of loud energy. He will play legos, read a book, write in his journal, etc. When I slack on this (weekends, summer time, special days) I notice it's harder for him to settle into bed regardless of our routine (shower, snack, story, hugs and kisses, bed).

Good luck - I'm sure you will find something that works for your family!

[Violet2]

We put a bunch of pictures and stickers on the ceiling (above our bed, but you could do it over your kids' beds, DD is just a little younger than your DC) and give DD a flashlight to play I Spy with before bed.

She loves this game. We try to keep putting up new pics and stickers and even glow-in-the-dark stuff.

However, if she doesn't cooperate, she loses out on flashlight I Spy. Or we say 'Hey let's get our pjs on so we can go upstairs and play I Spy' which is a more positive spin on that technique.

I also let her take a selection of books and toys to bed with her. If she's not listening or cooperating, she loses toys. I am not thrilled that we end up doing this, but negotiating has not worked and she is motivated by the toys to cooperate and re-focus her behavior.

That's what we do.

Good luck momma!
V

[mumkimum]

My dd will tend to do this (develop bedtime burst of energy) which I also find sooooo aggravating, as well.

We do a later bedtime (we start 'getting ready' and being upstairs at 7:30, in-bed time is more like 9 or 930 though).

We have a variety of quiet activities that she does herself in her room if she doesn't seem sleepy enough for me to handle a 2-3 hour 'bedtime' (yes, in the past and as a baby this was 'typical' for her, it's actually manageable now) - wipe-off books, notebook with pencils, moveable sticker books, etc.

I'll also often break up the bedtime getting-ready with stories/time for quiet activities so that she's using up energy in between. So we'll go to the bathroom and get pajamas, then she'll do stuff on her own. I'll come in and read a story, then she brushes teeth and goes back to do something quietly in her room, then I do getting ready myself or cleaning in the house. Then I come back and check in, maybe we chat a little, then I go do xyz. . . if there's major high energy I pull out the clean laundry and we fold it together in another room for awhile (it's boring and just involves sitting down - hence works to wind her down).

I actually find the checking-back-in on her every 5-10 minutes to be the absolutely most helpful aspect of our bedtimes - for her. When I'm really good about it and we got in bed at an ideal time, I'm in there like 3 times and she's asleep within half an hour. I do think a long story CD could be really helpful (been looking at finding stuff like that we like, too).

[Boot]

I'm surprised everyone is suggesting a later bedtime for not even 4 and 5 year olds. I actually think 8 is pretty late for that age. If they've had plenty of outside time and no nap I would be amazed if they are not tired. In fact, it sounds to me like they are overtired. Have you tried getting them to bed at 7.30? My 3 year old will be asleep by 6.30 or 7 if he hasn't had a nap. We do the audio book thing. We get them from the library.

My only other suggestion is more wind down time. You don't mention anything like that (bath, stories, massage, etc). I do think that the light evenings don't help though. I'm kind of looking forward to the nights drawing in again!

[Nansense]

Thanks everyone! Nice to know I'm not alone. I may try the story on cd, but even with that I' think I'll have to stay in the room. ANd give up some of my ME time which I never fully get anyway! I'm SO done by 7pm, so I hang on for another hour, but then the battle ensues for the next almost 2hrs.

I'll also go back to a later bedtime and let them play quietly - often their burst of energy isn't just playing with toys, but bouncing on beds, jumping off dresser, throwing things across room..... yeah, nice. Can you tell I'm so worn out all.the.time by my kids? So tired.

Oh, just found out it was full moon this past weekend - maybe that's cause for the regression & energy!

[meemee]

nah i dont think its the full moon.

its summer. they have 'summer madness'. plus its an age think. i think my high energy child's energy levels peaked at that age.

the only way i knew was to tire dd out by physical energy. in fact even as an infant she 'needed' something to do or she couldnt fall asleep.

so we had to have both morning adn evening outings - which could be anything. park, a walk, library. just had to be out of the house change of scenery.

going out was also v. helpful to me. i didnt feel so 'mommy'd out' even though i had to watch her.

[ASusan]

Originally Posted by Violet2

We put a bunch of pictures and stickers on the ceiling (above our bed, but you could do it over your kids' beds, DD is just a little younger than your DC) and give DD a flashlight to play I Spy with before bed.

She loves this game. We try to keep putting up new pics and stickers and even glow-in-the-dark stuff.

However, if she doesn't cooperate, she loses out on flashlight I Spy. Or we say 'Hey let's get our pjs on so we can go upstairs and play I Spy' which is a more positive spin on that technique.

...

Good luck momma!
V

THAT is a terrific idea! I am SO doing this - tonight!. I have been saving Ranger Rick magazines, knowing that we would probably never do anything with them...and DS LOVES I Spy books and flashlights. AND, I am trying to gently wean him; he still nurses to sleep and at wake-up in the am. When DH puts him down, they look at the constellations from his turtle nightlight, so I'll have to think how this might interfere. Maybe put the pics high on the wall, instead of the ceiling.

Do you use tape or sticky stuff? I don't want to damage the walls or ceiling.

We may be headed to the "camp with a book outside the door" routine at the end of the summer if DS doesn't learn to settle better. Our schedule is too flexible in the summer to have that work well now.

Philosophically, I support an earlier bedtime for children, rather than later. But, it just hasn't worked out in our family (yet?). DS seems to take after DH, who has been a night owl all his life. Plus, summer is different than the school year, for us.

[mbhf]

My older two absolutely do this if I just put them in bed. Instead I just take them in my room and lay down with them. It's quick and painless and I can get out of bed as soon as they go to sleep. You might actually try an earlier bedtime. If my boys aren't in bed by seven thirty or so they get wild and crazy and are hard to get to sleep. We do dinner pretty early (4pm) and nothing after that but clean up and relax. Evenings are so much more pleasant that way!

[Grace and Granola]

I could have written your post! My boys are 3 and 4. Bedtimes used to go smoothly but ever since I put them in the same room it's been madness! They want to share a room, and I want them to, but it makes bedtime so hard. Many nights, I move one of them to another bedroom because they can't settle down. As soon as I separate them, it goes pretty well. It makes me want to rethink the sleeping arrangements, but I hope as they get older they'll be able to handle it! I also do book on tape and let them look at books in bed, but my little on usually gets out of bed, or if either have to go potty then the other one is out too. :irk I have a dimmer switch in their room and something I've started doing is telling them that they can look at their book quietly, but if anyone is shouting/fighting/crying (that's our main problem) and I have to come in, each time, I will dim the light a bit. It starts out at about 1/2 dim and I just dim it a bit more each time. Once it starts getting pretty low, they take it more seriously because they don't want to lose their light entirely! It's not perfect, but it's something.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by Boot

I'm surprised everyone is suggesting a later bedtime for not even 4 and 5 year olds. I actually think 8 is pretty late for that age. If they've had plenty of outside time and no nap I would be amazed if they are not tired. In fact, it sounds to me like they are overtired. Have you tried getting them to bed at 7.30? My 3 year old will be asleep by 6.30 or 7 if he hasn't had a nap. We do the audio book thing. We get them from the library.

My only other suggestion is more wind down time. You don't mention anything like that (bath, stories, massage, etc). I do think that the light evenings don't help though. I'm kind of looking forward to the nights drawing in again!

A 3 year olds normal sleep needs are 12 to 14 hours total sleep per day. By 4 their sleep needs have usually dropped by 2 hours to 10 to 12 hours. Some kids, just like adults, are morning people some aren't. It's not when a child is going to sleep it's how many hours they are getting.

If something comes up and my DD, 4.5 years old, doesn't go to sleep when she's tired, about 13 to 14 hours after waking, she becomes hyper. Last summer we did 'sleepy' rides to help her calm down. Also baths wake my DD up, so we don't do them within 2 hours of bedtime. Stories and quiet family activities right before bed work well. But if there's nothing exciting going on she just goes to bed. Playing outside a lot or swimming helps her go to sleep faster once she's in bed.

[ASusan]

Originally Posted by ssh

Playing outside a lot or swimming helps her go to sleep faster once she's in bed.

This is true for us as well. I so wish he got more physical activity at daycare.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by ssh

A 3 year olds normal sleep needs are 12 to 14 hours total sleep per day. By 4 their sleep needs have usually dropped by 2 hours to 10 to 12 hours. Some kids, just like adults, are morning people some aren't. It's not when a child is going to sleep it's how many hours they are getting.

This is true. I know some people can't imagine letting their kids stay up late, but I can't imagine having to wake up early. We are not morning people, and with four kids (ages 3-9), none of them wake up before 8-8:30 during the school year, and 9-9:30 (or later) in the summer. That's early enough for us. I would much rather they stay up until 10 pm or later than get up at 6:30 (gah, is the sun even up then?) I couldn't hang.

[Violet2]

Originally Posted by ASusan

THAT is a terrific idea! I am SO doing this - tonight!. I have been saving Ranger Rick magazines, knowing that we would probably never do anything with them...and DS LOVES I Spy books and flashlights. AND, I am trying to gently wean him; he still nurses to sleep and at wake-up in the am. When DH puts him down, they look at the constellations from his turtle nightlight, so I'll have to think how this might interfere. Maybe put the pics high on the wall, instead of the ceiling.

Do you use tape or sticky stuff? I don't want to damage the walls or ceiling.

We may be headed to the "camp with a book outside the door" routine at the end of the summer if DS doesn't learn to settle better. Our schedule is too flexible in the summer to have that work well now.

Philosophically, I support an earlier bedtime for children, rather than later. But, it just hasn't worked out in our family (yet?). DS seems to take after DH, who has been a night owl all his life. Plus, summer is different than the school year, for us.

Thank you, we really enjoy it and DD loves it, she has a variety of flashlights to choose from. I use tape and don't worry about the paint (but DH was a painter when he was younger and we can get paint for free) so ymmv.

V

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Given that you aren't actually getting your "me" time now because of their rambunciousness, have you considered actually cuddling with them until they are asleep? I've found that my kids would be awake and lively for hours if I left them on their own, or asleep within 15 minutes if I laid down with them. Even now (they are 7 and 10), DH and I take turns reading to them and staying with them as long as they want. DS (10) generally says he is fine after a chapter and a hug (unless he has something he wants to talk about) and his rule is that he can stay awake as long as he wants as long as he is in bed and quietly reading. DD (7) still likes to be cuddled to sleep, but it takes less than 10 minutes and I'm done. For me, much easier to do that rather than fight the "go to sleep NOW" battle each night.