A little background to my main question: dd has been continuing at the daycare that she started at a year ago even though I have not had a need for her to go there since I finished classes in the winter. Ex sends her there on the days (2 days per week) that he has custody of her. I told him I didn't really want her there or see a need (I have also been increasingly unhappy with the daycare; we are changing to a new place in the fall) since I am home all the time now. But he wanted her to continue and ultimately it wasn't my decision to make.
However, I have tried to back down on communicating on his behalf with the owner of the daycare. If she has payment issues, I want her to take them up with *him* because it's his responsibility. If she has issues about him occasionally not bringing dd in and forgetting to call, I have tried to urge her to address HIM with those issues. My position is: I'm not married to him, I'm not his keeper anymore, if HE needs dd to go to daycare then he can be a big boy and sort out all the details of that.
The PROBLEM is that he recently decided not to continue sending her there for the rest of the summer (mostly because I told him that I wasn't eligible for the money from the university for this summer and he didn't want to have to pay out of pocket to keep sending her there!--he also has had some issues with the daycare). Fine, great with me. I decided I wasn't going to have a talk with the owner about dd not continuing there because, like I said, this is all his responsibility now--besides which I rarely see her (the owner) since ex takes dd there on HIS days (I pick her up one afternoon per week there, but often the owner is not even there at that time).
Well, guess what? He never told her. This morning he told her that it would be dd's last day and she was furious. She says that we needed to give her at least six weeks written notice and she wants to charge us for the next two months now.
Ex thinks it was my fault for not telling her since I have always been the one to deal with these things. I think it's his fault because this was his need and his decision and because we aren't married anymore and so why should I have to do the things I have "always done"? Isn't that the point of not being married anymore?
Obviously none of this matters to the owner of the daycare. All she knows is that she was owed 6 weeks notice and she doesn't care whose fault it was. In fact, she has suggested to me that it's more MY fault because I'm the one who signed the contract, not ex-- (Because, again, when we were married, I was the one who kind of was responsible for these things) although she knows that it's ex who has kept sending dd there and that I don't need her to continue.
So now I'm thinking about how I have approached this situation so far and wondering how ex and I can successfully communicate in the future with our new day care. On the one hand, I don't want to have to babysit him and make sure he's taking care of his responsibilities regarding childcare. On the other hand, I don't want to look bad to the new staff of the new daycare nor, certainly, do I want ever to be held financially responsible for ex's failure to do what he should be doing.
How do I navigate these sort of competing interests that I have: to be strong and not enable ex's irresponsibility and also to be responsible to the daycare, who don't care about our personal issues?
Thoughts, advice, wisdom, personal experience?
TIA for reading through this novel!
However, I have tried to back down on communicating on his behalf with the owner of the daycare. If she has payment issues, I want her to take them up with *him* because it's his responsibility. If she has issues about him occasionally not bringing dd in and forgetting to call, I have tried to urge her to address HIM with those issues. My position is: I'm not married to him, I'm not his keeper anymore, if HE needs dd to go to daycare then he can be a big boy and sort out all the details of that.
The PROBLEM is that he recently decided not to continue sending her there for the rest of the summer (mostly because I told him that I wasn't eligible for the money from the university for this summer and he didn't want to have to pay out of pocket to keep sending her there!--he also has had some issues with the daycare). Fine, great with me. I decided I wasn't going to have a talk with the owner about dd not continuing there because, like I said, this is all his responsibility now--besides which I rarely see her (the owner) since ex takes dd there on HIS days (I pick her up one afternoon per week there, but often the owner is not even there at that time).
Well, guess what? He never told her. This morning he told her that it would be dd's last day and she was furious. She says that we needed to give her at least six weeks written notice and she wants to charge us for the next two months now.
Ex thinks it was my fault for not telling her since I have always been the one to deal with these things. I think it's his fault because this was his need and his decision and because we aren't married anymore and so why should I have to do the things I have "always done"? Isn't that the point of not being married anymore?
Obviously none of this matters to the owner of the daycare. All she knows is that she was owed 6 weeks notice and she doesn't care whose fault it was. In fact, she has suggested to me that it's more MY fault because I'm the one who signed the contract, not ex-- (Because, again, when we were married, I was the one who kind of was responsible for these things) although she knows that it's ex who has kept sending dd there and that I don't need her to continue.
So now I'm thinking about how I have approached this situation so far and wondering how ex and I can successfully communicate in the future with our new day care. On the one hand, I don't want to have to babysit him and make sure he's taking care of his responsibilities regarding childcare. On the other hand, I don't want to look bad to the new staff of the new daycare nor, certainly, do I want ever to be held financially responsible for ex's failure to do what he should be doing.
How do I navigate these sort of competing interests that I have: to be strong and not enable ex's irresponsibility and also to be responsible to the daycare, who don't care about our personal issues?
Thoughts, advice, wisdom, personal experience?
TIA for reading through this novel!
