Considering changing MY name - Page 2

[kriket]

Originally Posted by htcamommy

I'm so confused by this. Ole people would call this "playin house". You don't want to be legally married but you call him your husband. You don't want to legally change your name just call yourself his name? If you are so anti marriage then why do you pretend that you are? Do you think that it'll be an easier fit for your family into society's box of what is a family?.... I may be biased on this one though because this a personal pet peev of mine.

I have the same opinions.

I'm not going to pretend to understand everyone, that may drive me insane! But if you want to be seen as a traditional family unit, society has ways of letting others know of our commitments to another!

I feel like when people call each other "husband" and "wife" when they aren't married or play house as htcmommy put it, I think it degrades the level of commitment married couples have made to each other.

There is nothing wrong with having a partner, or the father of your children, or a boyfriend. If that is what you are, then don't hide it!

[Sharlla]

my grandma spent 40+ years with her boyfriend (until he died) he refused to marry her but she took his name anyway.

i lgally changed my name 3 years ago to something i really liked so when i remarried i decided to keep it.

my sister's dh took her name

lots of different choices, do whats best for you
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[HappyMommy2]

Originally Posted by kriket

....

I feel like when people call each other "husband" and "wife" when they aren't married or play house as htcmommy put it, I think it degrades the level of commitment married couples have made to each other.

I could not disagree more! This is the same argument people use against same-sex marriage.

How could somebody else's love affect your marriage commitment in ANY way, shape or form?

[htcamommy]

Originally Posted by HappyMommy2

I could not disagree more! This is the same argument people use against same-sex marriage.

How could somebody else's love affect your marriage commitment in ANY way, shape or form?

I so am not wanting to open a same sex marriage debate as most people have very strong views on this, but isn't that why people are pushing for the right to have same sex marriage legalized? So that they can in fact be married and not just pretend to be? I think you're contridicting yourself with this statement.
It seems that op has pretty strong convictions against the institution of marriage so I am confused as to why she would want people to percieve she is married. Its her name, viewpoint, family, and decisions either way and I'm sure her reasons are valid for her.

[spedteacher30]

We are a legally married same sex couple with a marriage that is not legally recognized. Right now, we both have our birth (maiden?) names and our son is hyphenated with both of our names. We now introduce ourselves socially as "my last name-DW's last name" but professionally, I suspect we will remain known by our birth names. If we lived in a state where second parent adoption was legal (we don't ) then we would change our names as part of the adoption process.

I think if you want to introduce yourself socially as "martin" there is no reason not to. I don't know that *I* would bother to change it legally--since, after all, I haven't bothered to deal with yet, and we've been married for 5 years.

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by FireFrog

DH - "his last name"
DS - "his last name"
Me - "my maiden name-his last name"
DD - "my maiden name-her bio-dad's last name"

When DD turns 18, she is talking about changing her name to "his last name" (her bio-dad is still marginally in the picture and would never allow her to do it now). She feels like my DH is her "real" dad and wants to have his name. Going back to what I said at first, it's her right to make that choice if she wants to. After all, it's how she identifies herself.

I was in a very similar situation, except I didn't hyphenate my own name. So 2 of my kids had DP's last name, and one had my last name and my ex's last name hyphenated. It was very confusing.
For personal safety reasons, I had to change my own last name. I decided to change it to something that was none of the above (not to my partner's name), and selected a name on my own. This left my one dd without my last name and without her acting dad's last name, but with two unrelated names. Her father has not been involved, though he still retained legal right to notification (here all parents do as long as they are not explicitly denied access, even if they don't have custody). She decided she wanted her name changed to the same as her silbings and as the man she calls "Dad' and who acts, for all intents and purposes, as her father. And so, we changed it when she was 8. Now I have my own name, and my kids and parnter all share the same last name. I prefer it this way because it's how we would have done it from the outset. I didn't want to take my parnter's name just because it's his name. If I hadn't had to change my name for safety reasons, I wouldn't have taken my partner's name, so why take it just because I have to change my name?

[sanguine_speed]

Originally Posted by Jeannine

But in reality, you two are only as "committed" as ANY two people who enjoy each other's company. Both of you are committed to parenting your child for life. But - for whatever reason - you have chosen to leave yourselves open to end your relationship with each other without the full ramifications of divorce.

I'm sure you love each other and hope to be together forever. But you're not "committed". You are together now because you want to be and if, at some point in the future, you no longer want to, then you won't be together. "Commitment" - in the sense that word is used in a marriage - means even if you go through a period where you'd rather not be together there are clear legal, social and possibly religious penalties for failing to maintain your commitment, which are supposed to serve as considerable disincentives for splitting up.

OBVIOUSLY, that isn't effective in 50% of marriages! But you and your BF have consciously chosen not to give yourselves the same disincentives to breaking up that married people do. Yet taking his name would symbolize that you have.

You might be interested to know that where I live, the disincentives to breaking up are identical between my non-married relationship and any married relationship. This applies legally and socially. It includes division of assets, parenting issues, legal issues, social issues. There is no difference. Except the divorce filing fee is saved .

[kriket]

Originally Posted by htcamommy

I so am not wanting to open a same sex marriage debate as most people have very strong views on this, but isn't that why people are pushing for the right to have same sex marriage legalized? So that they can in fact be married and not just pretend to be? I think you're contradicting yourself with this statement.
It seems that op has pretty strong convictions against the institution of marriage so I am confused as to why she would want people to percieve she is married. Its her name, viewpoint, family, and decisions either way and I'm sure her reasons are valid for her.

Exactly, bolded is mine, and that's what it boils down to, but its the internet and she asked opinions

[PoetryLover]

Originally Posted by Mrs.Music

Go to the courthouse, fill the paperwork out, pay your fee, see the judge on the spot and walk out a different woman.

I did this. I didn't change my name to someone's name that I was dating, but I chose a last name to make my own. I didn't want to go by my maiden name, as I have no respect for my father or his family. I'm married now (and I took my husband's name), but I will never regret changing my name to something I could respect during the years I was single.

I know your reasoning for a name change would be completely different. But legally changing one's name is a relatively easy thing to do.

Good luck.